RIOW - Singles THREAD (Page 8)

I have an escort. Thanks for playing, everyone.

Who's next? 

Upon further investigation, I think I should offer the following disclaimers:

1. I am not a tri-hottie. I've been a tri-nottie for the last few years.  I resumed training about 3 months ago.
2. I don't make pizza deliveries. My homemade pizza is only for the love of my life, of which there is none at the moment.
3. I won't ask anyone to carry my weight over a threshold.
4. Please don't ask me to carry your emotional weight anywhere.
5. I love The Columbia!!!

My post-separation therapist told me about the half-life rule: it takes half the life of your relationship to really get over it. By get over it, I mean time for myriad of strong emotions you will feel for/about that person to stop affecting you. I found this to be pretty much on the mark for me. I had a fairly amicable divorce, though it was exceedingly painful for both of us. It was a good five years before I could give my ex-husband a hug without fighting back tears (we were married 11yrs, together 13.5 yrs).

Half-life rule doesn't mean you can't have a relationship of some sort in the interim. It kinda' means you won't have that ghost of your past relationship hanging around in your new relationship; you won't have confusing or conflicting emotions. Know what I mean?

I am recently out of a relationship with someone I thought the world of who was freshly out of his marriage. He did not give himself time to 1) accept or acknowledge his pain over his divorce or 2) even begin to deal with it. He told me everything I wanted to hear; he was what Rick mentioned and very much in denial that his divorce was affecting him. Because he and his wife had been emotionally alienated for so long, he thought he had already done the suffering part. Wrong! It didn't take too long before he was completely overwhelmed by his emotions. Until you file for divorce, you won't know what it feels like to file for divorce. Until the judge says "done!", you won't know what it feels like to have your marriage dissolved. You're going to go through a lot of lows. You're going to want to take refuge in someone else's life.  Aces, don't be that guy to someone else. It may feel real and very powerful to you, but they are just your emotions trying to drown out the agony that is the loss of a committed relationship. Don't use other people to get an emotional fix. Yes, be patient!

Along with dealing with the pain of your marriage ending, you are also going to be faced with trying to figure out who you are. If you're not a husband, who are you? We wrap our identities in our roles to such a great extent that it can be very confusing when that role if suddenly gone. Then we grasp at things that aren't really beneficial to us, but they fill the empty hours.

Finally, I train for triathlons because I have too much time on my hands, and not because I'm an athletic nut. I have no one to care for, no children or significant other. I plan my time so that I am regularly doing things that directly benefit my life - my health, my emotional well-being. I take time for my spiritual well-being, too. Be proactive in planning your downtime, so that you aren't reacting to the overwhelming crush that frequently being alone can bring. But I also suggest that you do have some downtime just for you.

As they say, you don't get over it, you get through it. Going through it means doing the work. You can do it with patience or you can do it impatiently. Either way, you have to do it.

So ... be patient!

He probably just had brownies in the oven and was impatient for them to finish baking.

Half life??? Dang it!

I seperated just over 18 years after we first started dating. Been just over a year now. Another 8 years???