RIOW - Singles THREAD (Page 9)

Be patient!

Half life???? In my support group that I attended during my separation and divorce we always used the 1/3 theory. Wait one year for every three that you were married. I was married for 15 yrs have been single for 4 and starting to adjust. At the news from my ex spouse that we were going to separate and divorce I was devastated. But in the recent past things have been better, my kids have adjusted as best they could to new situation, I have been seeing a great lady, just bought a new home, finically I am recuperating, physically I am in better shape than I have been in 20 years, everything seem to be headed in right direction. Well low and behold this weekend the ex comes back and shows remorse and "misses us". Hell it has been so long I cannot even remember us! But it has brought up some emotions that I thought I was over. While things are going good in my life, emotionally I still have some healing to do.

So take your time, I believe that the down time is different for everyone. At this point in your life you need to be a little selfish, take care of kids needs if you have any and then your own needs. When you are in a relationship you have to put others needs first, and there will be plenty of time to do that, but right now it is not the time. I am not saying do not go out, just do not get serious. It is not fair to the other person. Heal your mind and body then you will be able to move on in future. If you do not deal with the emotions now you will deal with them in the future. It is hard to deal with them if you are out there living the rock star life style running from your past. One of the best things I did was join a divorce recorery group. In doing so you surround yourself with others that are trying rationally to deal with their divorce.


I will get off my soap box now. Enjoy this time in your life it will be hard but you will learn from it and grow with the expereince. It does get better.

Edited by dixrp 2009-08-18 12:59 PM

I walked out on my marriage, quite literally. Sent her to a friend's house for three days and by the time she came back, I had all the stuff I could put in storage out of our apartment. It came as a total and complete shock to her, which was one of the biggest reasons I left.

Still, even though *I* was the one who was in control of ending the relationship, it took me a year just to not have powerful visceral reactions nearly daily. It was both financially and emotionally abusive, and I now pay more in paying off the debt than I do in rent. Leaving was one of the best things I have ever done, and one of the most painful.

It has now been two years. Interestingly enough, in just the past four or five months, she has stopped actively holding on to the idea that we would get back together. Weirdly, finally having her stop begging and hoping has created a whole new round of adjustment. So I think the several years of processing also includes the many adjustments you'll go through. Add kids in to the mix and dealing with every change in their lives, and I can see how the time needed would be compounded quickly. Fortunately, with no kids and nothing else really keeping us tied, I'm finally getting settled in to my new normal (and loving it!).

All that said, I think easy dating is actually beneficial. I don't think you can truely see what was wrong with your relationship until you repeat the mistakes again with someone else. I know, for me, that was a HUGE ah-ha. As long as you are upfront with both yourself and the person you are dating that it is totally non-committal, it can be part of healing.

Aces, be patient. Deep breath. And lots of training. I would not suggest a taper right now!!

Yay it's Wednesday! now time for a nap.

OK, maybe I shouldn't bump an older thread, but I like this one so I'm gonna do it.
Single since '07...38...central Ohio...currently restoring a circa 1875 money pit house...hair now platinum blonde instead of pink but you never know what next week will bring!

Re: the "half life" theory. This was not the case for me, but perhaps it was because I did much grieving while still in the relationship.

so just recently started getting back on to BT cuz I finally have time!  Found this thread and thought I would introduce myself!

26 and Single here in College Station, Texas (please, no aggie jokes (-: )

Just moved here from Plano, Texas to finish my degree after taking a mental break from school!!!

25/M single here in Gun Barrel City, outside of Dallas. Looking for a triathlon girl this time.

Single triathlete in the burgeoning Waterloo/Cedar Falls metropolis of Iowa   How YOU Doin?

Does "soon to be single" count?

agreed!  I also vote yes!

I vote 'get it done'.

If I had a nickel for all the gals I dated that were "in the process of being divorced and here's the evidence to prove it", yet didn't...well, I'd have a dime.

Nothankyou.

Well, it's already filed (took less than a week), and she has a closing date for her new house (Oct 27th), it'll be final after Jan 1st so we can file joint tax return and maximize the refund.

So... The vote is two for, one against (and seem to be split along gender lines). Maybe I should start a poll?

Edited by briderdt 2009-09-24 10:24 PM

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Well, upon reading the entire thread, I found out that you did not, actually, tie it up. The OP set a precedent that "soon to be single" is okay. So it's still 3 to 2.

But really, is this thread really about promising the moon and the stars to some one?

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So given that I'm on probationary acceptance...

I just turned 46, live near Tacoma, WA (Puyallup), work nearer to Tacoma, same company for 21 years now. Injury has forced my retirement from tri, but I still ride (both motorized and acoustic bike). Doing a lot of walking and getting back into my weight training also. I have a daughter that's with me 5 days out of every 14, and she's just started 3rd grade.

I like movies, reading, cooking, and am an eternal tinkerer with the bikes (working on a bike is one of my "happy places").

Fresh out of one where I was the "get him through" phase....OUCH!!!  Agreed x 1,000.

Welcome, enjoy your stay.

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