And then the Fight Started...

My wife sat down on  the couch  next to me as I was flipping channels. She  asked, 'What's on  TV?'

I said, dust...
And then the fight  started...

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My wife was hinting about what she  wanted for  our upcoming anniversary. She said,  'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3  seconds.'

I bought her a  scale.

And then the fight   started...
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded  that  I take her someplace expensive...
so, I took her to  a gas  station.

And then the fight  started...
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind  the counter  asked me for my driver's license to verify  my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left  my wallet at home. I told the woman that  I was very  sorry, but I would have to go home and come back  later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.  So I  opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She  said,  'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough  for me' and she  processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told  my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.  She said, 'You should have dropped your  pants. You might have gotten disability,  too.'

And then the fight  started...
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady  swigging her  drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My  wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,'  I  sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she  took to drinking  right after we split up those many  years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who  would think a  person could go on celebrating that  long?'

And  then the fight  started...
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I took my wife to a restaurant.  The waiter, for  some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have  the strip steak, medium rare,   please."

He said, "Aren't you worried  about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order  for herself."

And then the fight  started...

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A  woman is standing nude, looking  in the bedroom mirror.  She is not happy with what she sees and says to her  husband,  'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. 
I really need you to pay me a  compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near  perfect.'

And then  the fight started.....

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I  tried to talk my  wife into buying a case of Miller Light  for  $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer  would make  her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight  started....

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My wife asked me if a certain  dress made her  butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

and then the fight  started...
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I  asked my wife, "Where do you  want to go for our anniversary?  "  It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.  "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"  she said. 
So I suggested, "How about the  kitchen?"

And that's when the fight  started....

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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A  Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and  said, "Do you want to have  sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final  answer?"  She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the................ you know the rest