Laura needs to Laugh (Page 2)

This lady goe to the pet shop and see a parrot for sale for 50 dollars and wonders why it is so cheap. The owner says i'ts cheap because it came from a brothel. The lady decides to take a chance on the parrot and buys it. She takes it home and when she gets home the bird looks around and says new madam new house. The ladies teenage daughter walks in and the parrot says new madam new house new girl. The ladies husband comes home from work and the parrot says hi Steve......

(Works best if you can read it in a Scottish accent )
An old man and a young man were sitting in a Scottish pub. The old man had had QUITE a bit to drink, and called the young man over...

Pointing at the window to the right... "Ya see tha stone wall out there? It stretches over the hills fer as far as yer eyes can see. I built tha wall with my own bare hands. Fer 3 months it broke my back every day. My fingers bled to the bones. You'll never see a wall as straight and true as it. But do they call me MacGreggor the Wall-builder? Nay." ...sigh...

Pointing to the window to the left... "Ya see tha pier out there? It stretches into the sea fer as far as yer eyes can see. I built tha pier with my own bare hands. Fer a year it broke my back every day. My knees still creak to this day. You'll never see a pier as strong and true as it. But do they call me MacGreggor the Pier-builder? Nay." ...sigh...

Pounding his fist on the bar... "Ya see this bar right here? The most exquisite in the land. I built this bar with my own bare hands. For 2 months I carved every day. 'Twas my own sweat that makes it shine. You'll never see a bar as sturdy and true as it. But do they call me MacGreggor the Bar-builder? Nay." ...sigh...

"But ya f*** ONE goat..."

President Bush was sitting in front of his cabinet one morning receiving his daily updates.

He was told that Brazilian soldiers committed to the war had died and the press was requesting a statment.

"OH NO!!!", he exclaimed and dropped his head in utter anquish. His cabinet expected him to be upset, but not to this degree. They sat in silence for a good minute.

Finally, Bush lifted his head and asked, "Just how many is a brazilian?"

Not a joke, just an observation: that's a charming avatar.
Okay, carry on with the funnies.

By the way, what has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiller.

Thank you. I'm here all week.

As the late great John Lennon would say.....

Allllll I am saaaying is give "PEA's" a chance.



Edited by psycofish 2008-04-17 9:57 AM

A lady was speeding through Iowa. An Iowa State Police officer pulled her over and walked toward her car with his ticketbook in hand. As he got there she looked at the ticketbook and said, "so, are you going to sell me a ticket to the policeman's ball?" The ISP officer looked at her and said, "Ma'am, I am an Iowa State Police officer and we don't have balls."

...are we talking about Lara?

I agree with dancing fool miss cullen that's a smokin avatar...
now on with the jokes..

a penguin is driving cross-country and encounters car trouble. He pulls into a small town in the Arizona dessert to see if they could help. While they are working on his car he walks around town and decides an ice cream would be nice. on his way to the shop the ice cream melts and is getting all over the place. as he enters the shop the mechanic says "well my friend, it looks like you blew a seal" he replies.....nonono, it is just ice cream.