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 2009-04-21 7:01 PM in reply to: #2100898 |
Extreme Veteran  492   Cleveland, Ohio |  Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for trainingX1,000,000 what Gearboy just said. Couldn't agree more. And as another poster mentioned, it's all about one word: BALANCE. Though I don't know you, your wife, or your kids personally, from what you posted I think you are taking on A LOT. I have never had a week were I got in 7 hours of training; a good week for me is HALF that (background: I have a 4 and 7 year old, work full time, and am their only parent, so I'm flying completely solo). Believe me, I get as googly-eyed about doing an Ironman as everyone else here does, but I have to be realistic and know that it's not the right TIME for me now, and may not be for quite a few years. The question is, what can you REASONABLY do that will allow you to participate in this fun sport without stressing out your wife and causing tension. Having BTDT as the mom of two small kids, I can tell you the demands on the mother are almost always greater than that of the father when they are little. It begins to equalize as they age, but for now they rely on mommy a ton. I don't think anyone here would suggest you give up the dream, but I hear a lot of folks suggesting realism over idealism. Just my $0.02. |
| 2009-04-21 7:01 PM in reply to: #2101225 |
| Extreme Veteran 494 Morris County, NJ | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training gearboy - 2009-04-21 7:27 PM I would also suggest you talk the mrs about what her concerns are. Some things really can be put aside - floors don't need to be spotless, for example. But she could be giving you a chance to see how she is unhappy in a broader sense. Remember, if a husband initiates marital therapy, it is already too late. The wife has already given up on the subtler clues and on the marriage as a whole. Listen to gearboy--he's better than Dr. Phil. Seriously, I'll bet if you really dig deeper with your wife, her issue isn't really triathlon training. But, the training is entirely about you, which therefore makes it a really convenient issue to hone in on if she is having difficulty expressing (or even discovering) her deeper concerns. As a mother of two myself with a husband who has his eye on a "someday" Ironman race, I can attest to the essential necessity of communication and balance. Make some time for her--I think it's telling that she wants her "mum time" to be family time. Heck, she sees those kids all day long--it's you she misses. BUT, for the record: I don't think your amount of training time sounds excessive. I think prioritizing health, and choosing and training to achieve a personal goal are precisely the kind of behaviors we need to demonstrate to our children. I do however, think your children get up too early!
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| 2009-04-21 7:22 PM in reply to: #2100898 |
| Member 38 | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training I work from about 8am to 6pm M-F with the occasional weekend. We have a 19 mo old boy (whom I love to death). I love my wife she is very supportive, but when she was pregnant she asked me if i was "going to keep working out at night and coming home late after our baby was born" ... I knew the answer to that was going to be "no way". So I wake up now at 4:30 am each morning and finish my workouts by 7:15am (about the time they're getting up) ... that's over 2 hours each day I can dedicate to training. My only day that I change things up is on Saturday ... I plan with her when it is convenient for me to go on a 3-4 hour bike. But ... I also take care of our boy when I come home from work so she can go to the pool or do her own run (she just likes to exercise). I bathe our baby, feed him, put him down for the night ... it gives us alot of bonding time. My wife and I usually have about an hour at night just the two of us before it's off to sleep. On Saturdays, we try to plan a family event ... like go to the zoo in the morning ... And I also try to give her some time away. It's taken awhile to find what works but this seems to be working OK for us. |
| 2009-04-21 7:37 PM in reply to: #2100898 |
Master 1853  syracuse | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training the two of you need to sit down and write up a schedule and get on the same page. 7 hours a week should be easy for the two of you to arrange. my Dr pretty much said 45 min/day of exercise is a standard most need to be healthy. I really dont know your situation at all so its hard to comment, it sounds like she could be upset you are taking time away from the family to focus on you, and she is not given that same opportunity. see what she wants for and work it out together |
| 2009-04-21 8:24 PM in reply to: #2100898 |
Extreme Veteran 523 Brambleton, VA | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training I'll have to side with the last two comments. Two kids under the age of 4 is tough stuff. And, speaking from personal experience, if you do not design regular breaks for the spouse, tension will mount. And life may get more difficult - " how come you get to train, I am stuck at home " I tried to start tris via stealth mode . . . not a bright idea. There was quite a bit of tension and lack of understanding. So finally, based on guidance I got in a BT thread, we sat down and discussed goal, roles, obligations and expectations. She started to finally see that Triathlon is a lifestyle . . . and not just another race. My kids are in elemetary school, so my wife now has built in breaks . . . but the schedule never stops for the primary care giver. I got the green light to do an IM, but I know that I can not train as much as I want to. So on the plus side, I get to do an IM. However, I know (should I finish) that I could have done better. I just have to deal with doing the best I could with a level of training that was still quasi-family friendly. Bottom line - do not force tris on the spouse. You need buy-in or else things can go sideways. Best of luck. |
| 2009-04-21 8:31 PM in reply to: #2100898 |
Expert 721 | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training Lots of great thoughts above- I went to medical school and residency with small kids, and it was really tough to find time for the family (let alone exercise). I'll add a different perspective. It sounds like your wife wants you not exercise and be more at home to spend time together as a family. I'm wondering how "present" you are when you are together? A couple previous posters talked about their intense family times- planning trips, eating meals together. Is your wife resentful because even when you aren't working out, you are talking about working out, or planning your workouts, or talking about the HIM (or work)? I know NOONE (where's the sarcasm font?) on this board EVER has that happen
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! If you notice you are doing this, try to really focus on the family when you are all together, and don't mention work or triathlon (and likewise on the datenights that you also should be doing!). | 2009-04-21 8:35 PM in reply to: #2100898 |
| Regular 139 Quincy | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training I am a school teacher and my wife stays at home with our 3 year old. I also have a 7 and 10 year old. I have found that the more time I give her the easier it is for all of us. Every chance I get I take the kids to the park or to run errands that are on her list. Any work out that I cannot get in before work will not nessasarily happen. One the weekends she gets to sleep in and I have her coffee ready at 9:00. Any at least once a week I cook dinner and tell her she should spend the eavning in the craft room. If you give her the breaks that a mother never gets you will find it easier and less guilt ridden to do what you want. You can always run on a treadmill if you have to and you can get a trailer that will hold both of the kiddos. As others have said it is a lifestyle and the more you make her feel like your top priority the happier you will be. There is nothing like crossing the finish line and having my wife and kids cheering for me. Except cheering for them as they do their first tri. |
| 2009-04-22 8:15 AM in reply to: #2100898 |
Pro 5011 Twin Cities | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training 1. Get a bike trainer and treadmill (if possible) so you can workout at home, and let the kids play/nap/whathave you while you watch them. 2. Continue to do your workouts when everyone else sleeps. 3. Make SURE your wife has equal time for "her stuff". Even if "her stuff" is sitting on the couch eating a bowl of ice cream and watching DVR'd episodes of Dirty Jobs, happily, quietly, and child-free, give her the time to indulge in her hobbies and alone time. 4. Make sure also that you are not letting your household responsibilities slide onto her plate or that you're doing them, but half-a$$ed. |
| 2009-04-22 8:46 AM in reply to: #2101431 |
Veteran 250 Maine | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training swiss tri - 2009-04-21 9:24 PM I'll have to side with the last two comments. Two kids under the age of 4 is tough stuff. And, speaking from personal experience, if you do not design regular breaks for the spouse, tension will mount. And life may get more difficult - " how come you get to train, I am stuck at home " I tried to start tris via stealth mode . . . not a bright idea. There was quite a bit of tension and lack of understanding. So finally, based on guidance I got in a BT thread, we sat down and discussed goal, roles, obligations and expectations. She started to finally see that Triathlon is a lifestyle . . . and not just another race. My kids are in elemetary school, so my wife now has built in breaks . . . but the schedule never stops for the primary care giver. I got the green light to do an IM, but I know that I can not train as much as I want to. So on the plus side, I get to do an IM. However, I know (should I finish) that I could have done better. I just have to deal with doing the best I could with a level of training that was still quasi-family friendly. Bottom line - do not force tris on the spouse. You need buy-in or else things can go sideways. Best of luck. X2... I got the green light after 5 years to do an IM. I really wanted to do the Don Fink competitive program, but due to the amount of time away from the family, I chose the Intermediate. I'm happy to do that. Having your spouse give you the green light is a gift and I don't want to rock the boat. After I got into the race last August, I decided not to do a HIM that September so I could dedicate more time last year to the Family. I only did one event last year knowing how much training I would be doing this year. You have to be realistic and willing to compromise. I would like nothing else but to train and race 5-10 times a year but I also don't want my kids to live in two different houses! I personally would never ask to do an IM if I couldn't workout at work every day. I would wait until my kids would rather be with their friends. Be patient, as your kids grow and get more independent, it will be easier to find free time for yourself. You don't have to do 3+ events a year to be a Triathlete. |
| 2009-04-22 9:06 AM in reply to: #2100898 |
Elite 3683 Whispering Pines, North Carolina | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training my wife had an issue with it at first, then i started working out during lunch. i also get one session during the week (after work) and once during the weekend (before anyone wakes up) . now that i need more time to workout, i am waking up at 0430. super tough b/c i'm not a morning person. she stills gripes about it once in a while, but i casually mention to her that i try my best to avoid training during family time. as mentioned above, talk to her and try to work out a solution. small kids can be tough...i KNOW! i have a few of them. i love the idea about taking the kids training with you. my kids are too small right now, but when they're a little older, i will definitely take em in the jogging stroller or bike trailer. |
| 2009-04-22 9:24 AM in reply to: #2100898 |
Expert 1213 Los Gatos, CA | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training Did you ask her to engage in this kind of training or just went ahead and did it? If the latter, she is understandably pissed given her workload etc. Most spouses are supportive especially when they get to weigh in, and be asked. We act selfish without consultation.....hell hath no fury...try to re-engage her, she needs to be asked and heard...you become dismissive, she'll dismiss you and end up on the proverbial couch....I am training for IM this year and even though I don't have small kids anymore - so, much easier than your situation, I explicitly asked and explained what it would entail, saying it would toward the end begin annoying her, but being asked is the magic. A good spouse always wants the other to be happy. That defines a good relationship. Edited by us50090 2009-04-22 9:28 AM |
| 2009-04-22 10:02 AM in reply to: #2100898 |
Expert 838 West Palm Beach, FL | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training spinamatic - 2009-04-21 5:04 PM I have to train before everyones out of bed to keep the peace This. I've been working hard to get 6-7 hours in a week and it means a lot of 5AM starts. I work 6 days & have 3 young kids so getting the minutes in before everyone else is awake is the only way to do it. All my peers with similar family situations do the same thing. |
| 2009-04-22 10:06 AM in reply to: #2100898 |
Regular 187 Barrie, Ontario, Canada | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training Nobody hear can or should be giving you advice on how to run you personal life. I would look at modifying your training. It doesn't seem like a 7 day / 7 hr program suits your life particularly with your work schedule. Most pre-made training programs assume your days are 24 hours from midnight to midnight, and a week is 7 days all to corresponding to the standard calendar. Most of the people I know that have non-traditional schedules like yours can't commit to any activities on a weekly basis like the rest of us 9-5, Monday to Friday folks. You need to design (with or without help*) a program that fits your life. As an example, maybe you have very little time while you are working your 4 12 day shifts to exercise. Keep training during this time quick and light almost as a recovery period. You may have little more time during the period you are working 12 hour nights and lot more time during the period you are not working for 4 days. If you are working four 12 hour day shifts, four days off, four 12 hour night shifts and four days off, rinse and repeat -- you need a 16 day training schedule that meets your work/lifestyle. *maybe your wife can help you at least with the scheduling of training and you may have more success of making everyone happy. Dane |
| 2009-04-22 10:44 AM in reply to: #2101015 |
Champion 4835 Eat Cheese or Die | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training graceful_dave - 2009-04-21 4:47 PM Does your wife want you to be around to see your kids grow up or does she want you to die of a heart attack and leave her and the kids to fend for themselves? You're not "Training" your setting a good example for your kids that it is important to lead a healthy active lifestyle. I think I should retract the above statement. I come off as a selfish when in reality my lack of training is due to trying to keep good balance t home. But for me it is self imposed, my wife has never once asked me not to train because of the reasons I originally said. She wants me to be healthy and around for a long time a realizes that a few hours away from the family is better then a dead husband. And for me, that is a reality. I gain weight fast if I don't work out, I have a family history riddled with heart disease and a personal history with high blood pressure. On the flip side I work very hard to keep the balance. Early mornings, and a the ability to workout at lunch keep things healthy. Now that the club rides have started, tuesday nights will be the one evening I'm not home. But it's different for each family. This was the schedule that we worked out as a couple. I also gave up three mornings a week so my wife could start to workout and not lose time from our daughter. |
| 2009-04-22 2:00 PM in reply to: #2100898 |
Champion 6962 Atlanta, Ga | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training One question: How much TV do you watch 'together'? If the answer is more than 1 hr, then train instead of sitting on the couch. 1 hr/day is nothing and it seems like your wife is being selfish and quite honestly needs to find a hobby of her own. I am not saying that to be mean. I firmly believe that each person has to have 'me' time in order to function better as a couple. She needs to find that me time. And if she sticks to her guns, then ask yourself if she ever goes out with the girls or even goes shopping/etc by herself. Me time is more important than people know. And you are the healthier for it. |
| 2009-04-22 2:36 PM in reply to: #2100898 |
| New user 69 | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training Little tip...... You are working 12 hours a day. When i did that after commuting sleeping eating etc. I had maybe an hour and a half left to catch up with my wife before bedtime. If you are spending that hour working out while she is running around after two high energy munchins ................... I would not tell her she needs a hobby. |
| 2009-04-22 2:45 PM in reply to: #2100898 |
Master 2571 Tiger's Den | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training I haven't read all the other responses, but here's my $.02.... As a wife and soon to be mother and triathlete, I would suggest that you talk to her about and let come up with a solution that works for her. First of all if she has input, she is more likely to buy into it. Also, you can get by on way less training during the week, and a little more during the weekend for Sprints. When the kids are older you can step it up to the next distance. It may mean that you have to train when others are sleeping. I guess you have to decide if triathlon is important enough to you to be willing to do this. A trainer is a great tool. You can ride away while the kids are napping and give mom some time to herself... Or, get a jogging stroller and run with the smaller kids. There are ways. Also I encourage you to tell your wife how much triathlon means to you, but be sure to let her know that the family comes first (I assume it does). That will reassure her yet let her know where you are coming from. And do not tell her to get a hobby. Moms are on duty 24/7. If Dad spends all his free time training, when does mom get time to do anything for herself? |
| 2009-04-22 10:21 PM in reply to: #2100898 |
Extreme Veteran 657 | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training I've seen a lot of triathletes that work hard to impress a bunch of people they barely know only to upset the people who truly love them. |
| 2009-04-23 1:55 AM in reply to: #2101225 |
Master 2621 Almaden Valley, San Jose, California | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training Gearboy has hit the nail on the head. Training is good, it really is. Babies/toddlers/children grow up so fast, and need to much attention for that to happen. Sometimes, as a parent, you need to take a look at your priorities and maybe decide that IM is going to be 2012, not 2010. Make it work - use compromise - make it fair. You want this marriage and those children to be around when you are in a wheelchair!! Linda  (Who started all of this because I figured if I couldn't change him, I'd join him. He (DH) may be wishing he'd changed!! I know of what I speak!!!!) |
| 2009-04-24 4:00 AM in reply to: #2100898 |
| Member 64 Bunbury | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training Well after a talk with her we came to a stalemate, if I want to train I need to do it before everyones up which is a real shame because, being in Australia, I am not so happy about doing my OW swimming as the sun is rising, big fish here are most active then, other than that running with a light is ok and riding on the trainer is ok, not best, just ok but better than nothing, looks like my HIM is on hold for a few years, thats ok I can deal with that. Her main issue with my training is that she doesn't get a propper break from the kids and have time to do the laundry, I have already taken over the yard maintenance, floor vacuuming and mopping, dishes, car cleaning and maintenance all she really needs to do is the laundry and look after the kids whch are 3 years+7 months and 11 months of age. I give her a sleep in until 8:00 every possible morning and organise the kids with getting dressed and giving them breakfast and then tidy up the house. She doesn't like exercise so the idea of her coming cycling or jogging with me and the kids is out the window. She doesn't have any hobbies yet but likes watching her favorite TV shows, I don't like watching her shows so I come on here or go on the trainer or do a core workout as long as the kids are asleep, I can't train indoors with my trainer, the whirring noise wakes up my youngest child so I have to do it I the shed. Thanks very much for all the tips experiences and ideas I wasn't expecting so many replies but it's nice to know Im not the only one in this scenario |
| 2009-04-24 9:58 AM in reply to: #2107218 |
Expert 966 Decatur | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training spinamatic - 2009-04-24 5:00 AM Well after a talk with her we came to a stalemate, if I want to train I need to do it before everyones up which is a real shame because, being in Australia, I am not so happy about doing my OW swimming as the sun is rising, big fish here are most active then, other than that running with a light is ok and riding on the trainer is ok, not best, just ok but better than nothing, looks like my HIM is on hold for a few years, thats ok I can deal with that. Her main issue with my training is that she doesn't get a propper break from the kids and have time to do the laundry, I have already taken over the yard maintenance, floor vacuuming and mopping, dishes, car cleaning and maintenance all she really needs to do is the laundry and look after the kids whch are 3 years+7 months and 11 months of age. I give her a sleep in until 8:00 every possible morning and organise the kids with getting dressed and giving them breakfast and then tidy up the house. She doesn't like exercise so the idea of her coming cycling or jogging with me and the kids is out the window. She doesn't have any hobbies yet but likes watching her favorite TV shows, I don't like watching her shows so I come on here or go on the trainer or do a core workout as long as the kids are asleep, I can't train indoors with my trainer, the whirring noise wakes up my youngest child so I have to do it I the shed. Thanks very much for all the tips experiences and ideas I wasn't expecting so many replies but it's nice to know Im not the only one in this scenario I really hope you don't say it the way you wrote it. sleeping in till 8 am is nothing. And all she really needs to do is take care of the kids that she carried for 9 months and has been running with non-stop because you work/train all the time. I hope you really aren't as selfish as you seem. Seems to me like you guys need to switch roles for a second. See how you like being with the kids with no time to yourself for 24/7. |
| 2009-04-24 10:33 AM in reply to: #2100898 |
Extreme Veteran 790 Rocklin | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training Funny, I'm a working husband, pretty much former triathlete and now full time cyclist, and I have had some difficulty with my stay-at-home wife's training. The key for my marriage is that when you are together, the time must be good. I bet you come home after work/workouts tired, and prepping for the next day. Before you know it you are in bed and it starts over. How do I know...well, I juggle 10 hours a day at work, a 6 and 3 year old, a cycling habit, golf habit, little league coach, and I sit on two boards. Yup...its far too much, and it took its toll on my relationship until I was honest enough to admit it. With my wife training 12-14 hours a week as a triathlete, we don't get a lot of "us" time. It's not good. We are both going to finish our events this year (she has an Oly and a few sprints and I have Deathride), and then reevaluate. Right now we both just drop into bed dead tired at the end of the day. Someone said it above, do you talk about training all the time when you are with her. I hate that, especially after a hard day of work that prevented me from working out. Your wife and kids are more important than sport...maybe you need to be careful about the quality of the time you spend together. Good luck. |
| 2009-04-24 11:42 AM in reply to: #2107742 |
Champion 6962 Atlanta, Ga | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training latrina - 2009-04-24 10:58 AM spinamatic - 2009-04-24 5:00 AM Well after a talk with her we came to a stalemate, if I want to train I need to do it before everyones up which is a real shame because, being in Australia, I am not so happy about doing my OW swimming as the sun is rising, big fish here are most active then, other than that running with a light is ok and riding on the trainer is ok, not best, just ok but better than nothing, looks like my HIM is on hold for a few years, thats ok I can deal with that. Her main issue with my training is that she doesn't get a propper break from the kids and have time to do the laundry, I have already taken over the yard maintenance, floor vacuuming and mopping, dishes, car cleaning and maintenance all she really needs to do is the laundry and look after the kids whch are 3 years+7 months and 11 months of age. I give her a sleep in until 8:00 every possible morning and organise the kids with getting dressed and giving them breakfast and then tidy up the house. She doesn't like exercise so the idea of her coming cycling or jogging with me and the kids is out the window. She doesn't have any hobbies yet but likes watching her favorite TV shows, I don't like watching her shows so I come on here or go on the trainer or do a core workout as long as the kids are asleep, I can't train indoors with my trainer, the whirring noise wakes up my youngest child so I have to do it I the shed. Thanks very much for all the tips experiences and ideas I wasn't expecting so many replies but it's nice to know Im not the only one in this scenario I really hope you don't say it the way you wrote it. sleeping in till 8 am is nothing. And all she really needs to do is take care of the kids that she carried for 9 months and has been running with non-stop because you work/train all the time. I hope you really aren't as selfish as you seem. Seems to me like you guys need to switch roles for a second. See how you like being with the kids with no time to yourself for 24/7. Very interesting because I see it as she is being selfish. It looks to me like you do more than your fair share around the house and with the kids yet she forces you to bend over backwards to do stuff. And if I had to train in the dark, you best believe my wife would not be sleeping in until 8. Preganancy and child rearing in a marriage is a two person thing. It does not matter who carried the child, that does not give it more or less weight. You both need to really look at it objectively. Granted, you may have slanted it a bit, but to do laundry and look after the kids while you are gone, that is no harder than the job you have so it's a stalemate there. I am assuming the 4 days you have off you help out. You're cleaning the house, getting the kids ready and she...does laundry? I'm sorry...even out the balance. Maybe she can watch her fishing shows in the shed so the kids can sleep. |
| 2009-04-24 12:18 PM in reply to: #2108057 |
Regular 176 Winchester, MA | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training Marvarnett - 2009-04-24 12:42 PM latrina - 2009-04-24 10:58 AM spinamatic - 2009-04-24 5:00 AM Well after a talk with her we came to a stalemate, if I want to train I need to do it before everyones up which is a real shame because, being in Australia, I am not so happy about doing my OW swimming as the sun is rising, big fish here are most active then, other than that running with a light is ok and riding on the trainer is ok, not best, just ok but better than nothing, looks like my HIM is on hold for a few years, thats ok I can deal with that. Her main issue with my training is that she doesn't get a propper break from the kids and have time to do the laundry, I have already taken over the yard maintenance, floor vacuuming and mopping, dishes, car cleaning and maintenance all she really needs to do is the laundry and look after the kids whch are 3 years+7 months and 11 months of age. I give her a sleep in until 8:00 every possible morning and organise the kids with getting dressed and giving them breakfast and then tidy up the house. She doesn't like exercise so the idea of her coming cycling or jogging with me and the kids is out the window. She doesn't have any hobbies yet but likes watching her favorite TV shows, I don't like watching her shows so I come on here or go on the trainer or do a core workout as long as the kids are asleep, I can't train indoors with my trainer, the whirring noise wakes up my youngest child so I have to do it I the shed. Thanks very much for all the tips experiences and ideas I wasn't expecting so many replies but it's nice to know Im not the only one in this scenario I really hope you don't say it the way you wrote it. sleeping in till 8 am is nothing. And all she really needs to do is take care of the kids that she carried for 9 months and has been running with non-stop because you work/train all the time. I hope you really aren't as selfish as you seem. Seems to me like you guys need to switch roles for a second. See how you like being with the kids with no time to yourself for 24/7. Very interesting because I see it as she is being selfish. It looks to me like you do more than your fair share around the house and with the kids yet she forces you to bend over backwards to do stuff. And if I had to train in the dark, you best believe my wife would not be sleeping in until 8. Preganancy and child rearing in a marriage is a two person thing. It does not matter who carried the child, that does not give it more or less weight. You both need to really look at it objectively. Granted, you may have slanted it a bit, but to do laundry and look after the kids while you are gone, that is no harder than the job you have so it's a stalemate there. I am assuming the 4 days you have off you help out. You're cleaning the house, getting the kids ready and she...does laundry? I'm sorry...even out the balance. Maybe she can watch her fishing shows in the shed so the kids can sleep. Yes, I totally agree. All she has to deal with is the laundry? Seriously???? And she can't do that when the kids are up and about why, exactly? Is she washing it by hand in the creek behind the house? And this is after sleeping in until 8am???? I can't remember the last time I slept past .... 6am, let alone 8am, and 6am feels like a freakin' treat. BTW, I have two children and work full time myself. I know what it's like being a mom. I think she's just pissy because she simply doesn't "get it." She's got no other hobbies, and her time off is watching TV. She wants you plunked down on the couch next to her. I'm guessing that's the core problem, and one that is going to be tough to get over. I feel for you, and wish you the best! But you being healthy and fit and into sport is teaching your kids a great lesson - they will learn a lot from you, and that's a very good thing. It's also good you had a talk about it - perhaps after a few days she'll turn around and cut you some slack. |
| 2009-04-24 1:37 PM in reply to: #2107218 |
Science Nerd 28760 Redwood City, California | Subject: RE: argh my wife hates me for training spinamatic - 2009-04-24 5:00 AM Well after a talk with her we came to a stalemate, if I want to train I need to do it before everyones up which is a real shame because, being in Australia, I am not so happy about doing my OW swimming as the sun is rising, big fish here are most active then, other than that running with a light is ok and riding on the trainer is ok, not best, just ok but better than nothing, looks like my HIM is on hold for a few years, thats ok I can deal with that. Her main issue with my training is that she doesn't get a propper break from the kids and have time to do the laundry, I have already taken over the yard maintenance, floor vacuuming and mopping, dishes, car cleaning and maintenance all she really needs to do is the laundry and look after the kids whch are 3 years+7 months and 11 months of age. I give her a sleep in until 8:00 every possible morning and organise the kids with getting dressed and giving them breakfast and then tidy up the house. She doesn't like exercise so the idea of her coming cycling or jogging with me and the kids is out the window. She doesn't have any hobbies yet but likes watching her favorite TV shows, I don't like watching her shows so I come on here or go on the trainer or do a core workout as long as the kids are asleep, I can't train indoors with my trainer, the whirring noise wakes up my youngest child so I have to do it I the shed. Thanks very much for all the tips experiences and ideas I wasn't expecting so many replies but it's nice to know Im not the only one in this scenario Does she get a chance to go out with friends or get out of the house without the kids? Maybe that's what part of the problem is. I can understand feeling overwhelmed if she is always in the house and all she has to focus is on the kids. |
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