argh my wife hates me for training (Page 3)

I totally agree with this, friends or something besides TV that is her own will really help out. Right now I have Tri, although I stay at home with my kids and most of my runs and some of my bikes are with the kids and swim is after they are in bed. My hubby works/travels for work and has football. Although We all need our families we all need our own seperate identity....
Good luck!

I had similar issues just a few years ago but I arranged my schedule so I worked out very early in the morning before everyone woke up - kind of sucked in the winter but it was worth keeping peace in the house. I assured my husband the exercise gave me energy and made me a better mom. Some days were hectic but you just have to go with it. I'd also suggest that you plan your training to mesh better with your work schedule. Can you do shorter/lighter recovery workouts on your workdays and then longer, more intense workouts on your off days? This may seem less disruptive to your family. It's a delicate balancing act but well worth it for your health and to be a good role model for your kids (they see more than you think they see).

I did get a bike trainer which was a godsend on those days when it rained or was just too dark out. You can ride while you watch your kids play nearby or while they watch a movie. I put a baby gate around mine so my youngest couldn't get too close to the wheels. If you do this a couple times a week and give your wife time to do whatever SHE wants (watch tv, sleep, read a book, take a bath) I think it will give her that "me" time that she needs to be better equipped to deal with your interest in training. It sounds like you do a lot already around the house so I think it is more about you choosing to spend time doing something that is NOT with her. Just some thoughts. Good luck!!



Edited by surfnturf 2009-04-24 2:26 PM

I read this completely differently.  I'm seeing the OP as getting the kids up for breakfast "every possible morning" - which is how many exactly?  The kids are going to likely need more than the hour or so attention you give them until 8 am. And no one who is wise will ever say to a parent (especially of very young kids) that "all" you do is "watch the kids". 

Here's my suggestion to the OP - switch jobs with the wife for 2 weeks.  Then if you still think that you are getting the short end of the stick, you can try to address this with the mrs. But also you might be surprised at how little time you have been spending with the kids.  You don't want to become the invisible dad - if she decides that you are around too little, you become disposable. Of course, then you won't have to worry about conflict over the workout schedule.

Oh, and to the people who are minimizing the laundry - really??? He's working out a lot, plus there are 2 little kids.  That sounds like laundry every day is being done, which if it is done right, means also folding and putting away a full load at least once a day.  How often are the other chores done? Dishes is the only other task likely to be daily.  Does he have a dishwasher? Heck, is the mrs using a dryer for the laundry, or is she having to do it the old-fashioned way with a clothesline and lots of pins.  That might legitimately take up quite a bit of time itself.

I agree 3894309284%. And she may not get your addiction At.All., but to minimize what she is doing by taking care of your kids all the time with very minimal help (judging by your schedule) from you can make for one angry woman.  Kids are a lot, and having no break is definetly going to make a woman crazy. take all these suggestions and run with it.

But I wholeheartedly agree with a "workout" session. i.e. switching roles

At least your wife has a reason for hating you...

If you think she's upset about your training and you focus on modifying your training to fix the problem, you're going to be in for a rude awakening.  She's upset because you are putting this triathalon thing ahead of her and family, at least in her mind.  It could be any other activity including work and the results would be the same.  You are likely either not devoting enough time to her or the kids, not as enthusiastic about them as the triathlons, or not present and fully engaged when you are with them.  The more you focus the problem as "hers" the less likely you are to get it solved.   Ask me how I know.  I have the same issue and same failings.  Hope I'm getting better, sometimes not sure.  Good luck. 

OR...she puts her fishing shows above his training and feels that watching TV is family time.  And that anytime before her 8 am wake up call is sacred and should not be disturbed.

It's not your problem.  It's not her problem.  It's both of your problems.  It kills me when I see rants like this and automatically it's the guys fault.  It's a give and take people.  And that does NOT mean the guy gives and the girl takes.

I skimmed through the previous posts so I'm likely repeating many of the things said.  I'm glad gearboy spoke up, though.  We're currently training for a HIM & full distance IM, my daughter will be 5 this July and has been with me through 2 marathons, 2 sprints and a handful of local road races - in that she has been part of my training in some way, shape or form.  My boyfriend is an avid triathlete, who works odd hours as he's a fireman.  We have to sit down every week and talk about our workouts, our schedules etc., and this has worked for us.  That being said, it's b/c we are both on the same page.  Ironically, even though we are both doing this whole tri thing together, I have resentment towards him when my workouts get screwed up & I'm sure he does too, when I complain about him fitting a long ride into a Saturday evening, especially if he had worked the previous 4 nights at the firehouse.  I've been involved in this lifestyle going on three years now and my biggest (true) observation is that triathletes are selfish, this is not a team sport, we are out there for ourselves, conquering our own fears and reaching our own goals.  It is imperative that we have the proper support from family & friends.  Without communication and a little compromise, it could get ugly real fast.  When a family is involved, priority setting is key.  Wanting to compete or complete a race is one thing, but it's a selfish goal ~ and the rest of the gang must be on board for everyone to benefit from the experience. 
Regarding doing laundry and household chores not being as labor intensive as other things around the house, I raise a red flag - I can't tell you how hard I work to keep the household afloat: on top of both of us training for these races, we are also remodeling an old house.  It's not easy & playing the "Who's jobs are harder" game will never create harmony in the relationship.  For your own sake and the sake of your relationship, I hope you can come to a comfortable solution for everyone!  Best wishes for sure!

This has stuck out to me from the initial post:



I don't know anything about the OPs life, but it seems to me priorities are not quite right and I'm not sure this could/should be resolved in a triathlon forum.

My point is that it's irrelevant if you are correct.  Also notice that I said "In her mind"  I'm not saying he's completely at fault, but he can only change himself.  Good luck trying to change her.  You are absolutely correct that it's not eithers fault alone.  Problem is that he can only really control his half of the equation.  I'm simply trying to focus him on things he may have some chance of controlling.  Continuing to focus on her lack of support or whatever she is or isn't doing, won't solve anything.   

It's not that it is automatically the guy's fault.  It's that what he appears to be complaining about is that he wants more "me time", and it is coming at the expense of "we time".  That's why I suggested he put the kids in a trailer or jogging stroller.  And I don't read the OP as saying that he HAS to let the mrs sleep in to 8 am.  More that this is his major sacrifice of training and/or contribution to the household running smoothly.  And in general, guys do less around the house than girls, even in this day and age.  And of the jobs he described, the biggest one is the kids - which he describes managing a few mornings a week till 8 am.  Not the best advertisement for "Father of the Year". 

No one gets to "have it all".  It's a myth the early feminist movement promoted, and which small children believe - "I can be a triathlete, a full time parent, a full time partner, maintain a house according to Better Homes and Gardens standards, and be a full time employee with no sacrifices in any area". 

I do.  I'm not a morning person and I do almost all of my training after work and stay up late.