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2005-11-23 9:30 AM

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COURT JESTER
12230
50005000200010010025
ROCKFORD, IL
Subject: Wednesday Funnies

oldie and a good it......DEDICATED TO THE NEWLYWED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter dear?

Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.

"Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.

"Yes, I do," she replied.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car kissing?"

"Yes, I remember."

"Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?'"

"Yes, I do," she said.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,

"You know...I would have gotten out today."



2005-11-23 9:35 AM
in reply to: #291087

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COURT JESTER
12230
50005000200010010025
ROCKFORD, IL
Subject: RE: Wednesday Funnies

 Subject: Dating Rules

 WHITE WOMEN

First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.

 Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.

 Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.

 IRISH WOMEN

 First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

 ITALIAN WOMEN

 First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.

 Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.

Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.

 5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.

 6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

 JEWISH WOMEN

 First Date: You get dynamite head.

 Second Date: You get more great head.

Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.

 CHINESE WOMEN

 First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.

 Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner and again nothing happens.

 Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized......nothing is going to happen.

 INDIAN WOMEN

First date: Meet her parents.

 Second date: Set the date of the wedding.

 Third date: Wedding night.

 BLACK WOMEN

 First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.

 Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.

 Third Date: You get to pay her rent.

 Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

 MEXICAN WOMEN

 First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.

 Second Date: She's pregnant.

 Third Date: She moves in. One week later: her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.

 The point of the story is:     DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN

2005-11-23 9:37 AM
in reply to: #291087

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COURT JESTER
12230
50005000200010010025
ROCKFORD, IL
Subject: RE: Wednesday Funnies
MISSISSIPPI COWS

The only cow in a small Tennessee town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Mississippi for $200.

They brought the cow from Mississippi and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Mississippi?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Mississippi?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Mississippi."
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