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2013-06-15 5:36 AM

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Subject: Let Kids Drink at Your House and You Could Go to Jail, Maine Couple Warns


2013-06-15 8:09 AM
in reply to: DanielG

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Subject: RE: Let Kids Drink at Your House and You Could Go to Jail, Maine Couple Warns

I dunno either.

My husband and I started talking about this when I was pregnant for the first time 9 years ago, and we still haven't decided how we're going to handle this. 

What I do know is that I experimented with drinking in a bunch of iffy situations growing up, some of which included driving when I shouldn't have.  I don't ever want my kids to be in that position.  I also think it's very unrealistic for me to believe that my kids aren't going to drink until they're 21.

I also like having a "fun" house with lots of stuff to do--stuff that keeps kids home and makes kids want to hang out here.  I like knowing where my kids are and what they're doing. 

That being said, I don't want to go to jail.  I don't want to risk my farm or my business. 

There, see, just talked myself in a full circle.  Again.

I would be very curious to hear how those of you with teenagers old enough to experiment handle this situation.

2013-06-15 10:35 AM
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Subject: RE: Let Kids Drink at Your House and You Could Go to Jail, Maine Couple Warns

An open party with 100 kids. Bad idea.

My first wind of alcohol? Party over. 



Edited by KateTri1 2013-06-15 10:35 AM
2013-06-15 12:16 PM
in reply to: KateTri1

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Subject: RE: Let Kids Drink at Your House and You Could Go to Jail, Maine Couple Warns
Is there a situation in which you would allow underage drinking by anyone on your property or in your home?
2013-06-15 2:50 PM
in reply to: switch

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Subject: RE: Let Kids Drink at Your House and You Could Go to Jail, Maine Couple Warns
Originally posted by switch

Is there a situation in which you would allow underage drinking by anyone on your property or in your home?


Your own kids. At dinner. Don't see why not.

But if the bar is financially responsible for a DUI injuring/killing, then it does reason out that the owner of the house the party was held at is in some way responsible for a DUI resulting from that party.

2013-06-15 5:45 PM
in reply to: DanielG

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Subject: RE: Let Kids Drink at Your House and You Could Go to Jail, Maine Couple Warns

Originally posted by DanielG
Originally posted by switch Is there a situation in which you would allow underage drinking by anyone on your property or in your home?
Your own kids. At dinner. Don't see why not. But if the bar is financially responsible for a DUI injuring/killing, then it does reason out that the owner of the house the party was held at is in some way responsible for a DUI resulting from that party.

Agreed.  But just because someone drinks at your house, doesn't mean they're going to drive. 

I wonder how many people on this board drank before they were of legal age at some place other than their parents' house?  I know some don't, but I think a majority have some experimentation period.  I want that period to be as safe as possible for my kids.  I'm just not sure how to do that.

Would I rather have them drinking with their friends at someone else's house, or (gasp!) some back woods party or bonfire, or at my house where I can take everyone's keys?  Again, I still don't have an answer to this.  I struggle with the balance of trying to be pragmatic and being a facilitator/enabler.  I just want my kids (and other people's kids) to be safe.

Where the hell is LB?  I want a cop's perspective who's raised some teenagers:)



2013-06-15 9:09 PM
in reply to: switch

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Subject: RE: Let Kids Drink at Your House and You Could Go to Jail, Maine Couple Warns

As I posted on the beer thread on the main board.....my grandpa bought my brother and I beer when we were 15.  We drank it with him.  In fact, he and my grandma had 43 grand kids and great-grand kids....and we all drank beer at a fairly young age. Back then, before we got splintered by our opinions of how the Church handled the child abuse scandals...and in some cases because of the abuse that some in my family were very close to...we were a hopelessly Irish Catholic clan in which beer was just a part of life.

The funny thing is, I don't know of anyone in our family who ever sought help for an "alcohol problem".  Beer and drinking has always been a part of our fabric.

I suppose when they ask I'll let my kids have a beer....it's what I did with my older kids and we still enjoy meeting up for a beer, or a run, or a run and then a beer. Laughing  

That being said....I would NEVER let someone else's kids drink in my home.  It's not open for discussion with me, it won't happen.  Those decisions belong to parents and their children.....I'm not getting in the middle of that.

2013-06-15 9:20 PM
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Subject: RE: Let Kids Drink at Your House and You Could Go to Jail, Maine Couple Warns
Originally posted by Left Brain

As I posted on the beer thread on the main board.....my grandpa bought my brother and I beer when we were 15.  We drank it with him.  In fact, he and my grandma had 43 grand kids and great-grand kids....and we all drank beer at a fairly young age. Back then, before we got splintered by our opinions of how the Church handled the child abuse scandals...and in some cases because of the abuse that some in my family were very close to...we were a hopelessly Irish Catholic clan in which beer was just a part of life.

The funny thing is, I don't know of anyone in our family who ever sought help for an "alcohol problem".  Beer and drinking has always been a part of our fabric.

I suppose when they ask I'll let my kids have a beer....it's what I did with my older kids and we still enjoy meeting up for a beer, or a run, or a run and then a beer. Laughing  

That being said....I would NEVER let someone else's kids drink in my home.  It's not open for discussion with me, it won't happen.  Those decisions belong to parents and their children.....I'm not getting in the middle of that.

What if the other kids' parents gave them permission? ETA I'm not talking about a 100 kid rager. I'm talking about 5-6 buddies having a few beers--let's say they're 18.

Edited by switch 2013-06-15 9:23 PM
2013-06-15 9:25 PM
in reply to: switch

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Subject: RE: Let Kids Drink at Your House and You Could Go to Jail, Maine Couple Warns
Originally posted by switch
Originally posted by Left Brain

As I posted on the beer thread on the main board.....my grandpa bought my brother and I beer when we were 15.  We drank it with him.  In fact, he and my grandma had 43 grand kids and great-grand kids....and we all drank beer at a fairly young age. Back then, before we got splintered by our opinions of how the Church handled the child abuse scandals...and in some cases because of the abuse that some in my family were very close to...we were a hopelessly Irish Catholic clan in which beer was just a part of life.

The funny thing is, I don't know of anyone in our family who ever sought help for an "alcohol problem".  Beer and drinking has always been a part of our fabric.

I suppose when they ask I'll let my kids have a beer....it's what I did with my older kids and we still enjoy meeting up for a beer, or a run, or a run and then a beer. Laughing  

That being said....I would NEVER let someone else's kids drink in my home.  It's not open for discussion with me, it won't happen.  Those decisions belong to parents and their children.....I'm not getting in the middle of that.

What if the other kids' parents gave them permission?

No.  

Some kids do really stupid things when they are drinking.  A parent might give permission, but if their kid gets hurt, or killed, I don't want to be a part of the finger pointing and possible litigation.

It's not legal to drink before the age of 21....or whatever it is in your particular state.....I'll just stick with that when it comes to other people's kids.  And....one step further....I may allow my kids to drink a beer or two with me....but there will be hell to pay by them if they do the same away from our home.  That's just the deal.

2013-06-15 9:28 PM
in reply to: Left Brain

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Subject: RE: Let Kids Drink at Your House and You Could Go to Jail, Maine Couple Warns
Originally posted by Left Brain
Originally posted by switch
Originally posted by Left Brain

As I posted on the beer thread on the main board.....my grandpa bought my brother and I beer when we were 15.  We drank it with him.  In fact, he and my grandma had 43 grand kids and great-grand kids....and we all drank beer at a fairly young age. Back then, before we got splintered by our opinions of how the Church handled the child abuse scandals...and in some cases because of the abuse that some in my family were very close to...we were a hopelessly Irish Catholic clan in which beer was just a part of life.

The funny thing is, I don't know of anyone in our family who ever sought help for an "alcohol problem".  Beer and drinking has always been a part of our fabric.

I suppose when they ask I'll let my kids have a beer....it's what I did with my older kids and we still enjoy meeting up for a beer, or a run, or a run and then a beer. Laughing  

That being said....I would NEVER let someone else's kids drink in my home.  It's not open for discussion with me, it won't happen.  Those decisions belong to parents and their children.....I'm not getting in the middle of that.

What if the other kids' parents gave them permission?

No.  

Some kids do really stupid things when they are drinking.  A parent might give permission, but if their kid gets hurt, or killed, I don't want to be a part of the finger pointing and possible litigation.

It's not legal to drink before the age of 21....or whatever it is in your particular state.....I'll just stick with that when it comes to other people's kids.  And....one step further....I may allow my kids to drink a beer or two with me....but there will be hell to pay by them if they do the same away from our home.  That's just the deal.

Hardass.
2013-06-15 9:34 PM
in reply to: switch

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Subject: RE: Let Kids Drink at Your House and You Could Go to Jail, Maine Couple Warns

It's how I was raised, and we didn't cross that line.  

Honestly, I'd have very little problem if a group of six 18 year old's passed a joint around.....even kids don't trend toward stupid from weed...alcohol is a different story.



2013-06-15 9:36 PM
in reply to: Left Brain

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Subject: RE: Let Kids Drink at Your House and You Could Go to Jail, Maine Couple Warns
Originally posted by Left Brain

It's how I was raised, and we didn't cross that line.  

Honestly, I'd have very little problem if a group of six 18 year old's passed a joint around.....even kids don't trend toward stupid from weed...alcohol is a different story.

You're the best cop ever :)
2013-06-16 7:02 PM
in reply to: switch

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Subject: RE: Let Kids Drink at Your House and You Could Go to Jail, Maine Couple Warns

Just got onto this - drinking culture in Australia is much like the UK - drink until into oblivion - it's all binge drinking getting as smashed as you can.  Followed by violence etc.

I lived in Greece for 5 years - their culture is way better with alcohol.  much like the French the kids often have a little of Grandpa's home brewed wine at lunch - mixed with some lemonade or cola.  I don't even know the drinking age there, they all seem to handle it much better than the Aussies or the Brits.  It's less restricted and with that freedom seems to come responsibility.

Having said that my brother took me to the pub when i was 14 and I had a bacardi rum and coke!  Still love that drink!

Legal age in the UK and Australia is 18 and I hope my daughter waits, but if she wants a glass of wine or a beer with us when she's 15/16 she can. 

I remember going to a lot of 16th birthday parties in the UK and we had alcohol there but there would have been 15-20 kids there, parents were supervising - can't drive til you're 17 anyway so that wasn't an issue.  A note was sent with the invite to say alcohol would be served and your parents had to give permission.

I threw up at every party!  hehe!

I don't want to go to jail so no I won't serve my daughter's friends alcohol before they are 18.  Easy.

2013-06-17 12:35 PM
in reply to: DanielG

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Subject: RE: Let Kids Drink at Your House and You Could Go to Jail, Maine Couple Warns
I live in the next town over and not far removed from this event as it was a topic of conversation for many in the community.

My couple of thoughts;

I can't figure out why the Spencer's would go to 20/20 with the story. It happened a year ago and everyone moved on. In a recent article the parents say they were targeted because they were rich, http://www.pressherald.com/news/prosecuted-parent-why-us_-were-rich... .The local DA, Stephanie Anderson, is an excellent DA and she doesn't go after people just to get them.

Having 100 teenagers at your house is asking for trouble.

This is a perfect example of parents wanting to be their kids friend and not their kids parent which is a very common problem in Falmouth and I'm sure many other wealthy suburbs around the the country.
2013-06-17 12:47 PM
in reply to: jobaxas

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Subject: RE: Let Kids Drink at Your House and You Could Go to Jail, Maine Couple Warns

We had this come up recently. My wife's step sister called and asked her to buy a bottle of booze for her and her friends to celebrate a birthday. They were all 16-17. We obviously answered he** no but we did discuss the reasons with each other and with her.

I am mostly in agreement with LB here. I will allow my kids to drink a beer or two with me before they are 21. I don't think it helps a kid to forbid alcohol until they get to college where they are finally turned loose to go nuts with it. I was raised that way, no drinking, drinking is evil, etc. I had my first beer in my sophomore year of college at 19 years old. I never went nuts with it but I know some kids in similar situations that did.

So anyway, I will introduce my kids to it, remove the mystery and appeal I guess. But I will request (can you tell a teen anything? ) that they do not drink outside of the house, and I will not serve their friends.

Much like we told my wife's step sister, the decision to let a kid drink or not is up to the kid's parent in my mind, I am not going to make that decision for anyone else. Also, you serve a kid, you are liable for anything they do or anything that happens to them, not a good position to be in.

As far as the story goes. 30-40 containers, a bong, kids passed out in yards? Yeah sounds like those parents were doing a pretty awesome job of monitoring. I would have kicked out anyone who brought booze and I would have enforced the 50 rule, then made an announcement when I found the first beer that if I found another the whole thing would be shut down and the cops called.
2013-06-17 4:02 PM
in reply to: Aarondb4

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Subject: RE: Let Kids Drink at Your House and You Could Go to Jail, Maine Couple Warns

Party at my house? No. Hell no. I an not letting a bunch of underage teens get drunk around me. Who would WANT to be around a bunch of under age drunks??

My youngest is 15 at at the moment and not interested at all in drinking (and I SO realize that could change ANY moment). I am not interested in introducing him to alcohol or anything other substances that dull the senses. My advice to him is stay sober. With that said I do discuss with him there is a good chance he will decide to drink, what that looks like responsibly (not driving etc.) and leave the door open for him to talk about it if he wants to without fear of 'trouble'.

My oldest has had substance abuse problems off and on the last 10 years (he's 27) and we have watched a lot of potential go down the drain as his life has train wrecked more than once. Fairly heartbreaking to watch as a parent. And you never know which ones can take a drink and that just be it and which ones what they once did to get high they continue to do just to feel normal. And alcohol is just a gateway drug for many. Anyone read Rich Rolls book? And he was one of the lucky ones to pull out of it.

If my 15 year old is drinking at a party at your house- and you are an adult  providing- you better hope the cops find out before I do.

And I know I sound like an old prude, but the kids love me- even my oldest's 'out there' friends- I don't judge them, I love them, but I am not encouraging crap in their lives that can drag them down.



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