HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

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2006-08-30 8:24 AM

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Resident Curmudgeon
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Subject: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.  White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

 
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

 
Baby conceived naturally.  Scientists stumped. 

 
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq,Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

 
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

 
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

 
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

 
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

 
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

 
85-year $75.8 billion study:  Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

 
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

 
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

 
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

 
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights.

 
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

 
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters

 

and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

 
Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

 
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

 
Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

 

2006-08-30 8:32 AM
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Queen BTich
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

Those are great!

I like the weight loss study.

2006-08-30 8:34 AM
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Giver
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
Seventy-something Louisiana triathlete finally admidts red bikes are slow
2006-08-30 8:52 AM
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Master
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
Comet brings down BT website with 1 billionth post.
2006-08-30 9:00 AM
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

run4yrlif - 2006-08-30 8:34 AM Seventy-something Louisiana triathlete finally admidts red bikes are slow

I have race results that provide contrary evidence. You?

2006-08-30 9:15 AM
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Master
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

These are priceless, definately printing them out.

But I didn't see any headlines about Mac racing, I hope it was an oversite.

2006-08-30 9:16 AM
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Giver
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
I think 20+mph over 56 miles in 20-30mph wind, and then having enough in the tank to run a 10min PR of 1:26 for 13.1 is pretty strong evidence.
2006-08-30 9:22 AM
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

run4yrlif - 2006-08-30 9:16 AM I think 20+mph over 56 miles in 20-30mph wind, and then having enough in the tank to run a 10min PR of 1:26 for 13.1 is pretty strong evidence.

Not for bike speed. Good for triathlon though. Call me when you average closer to 24 in a sprint.



Edited by the bear 2006-08-30 9:24 AM
2006-08-30 9:31 AM
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Giver
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
the bear - 2006-08-30 10:22 AM

run4yrlif - 2006-08-30 9:16 AM I think 20+mph over 56 miles in 20-30mph wind, and then having enough in the tank to run a 10min PR of 1:26 for 13.1 is pretty strong evidence.

Not for bike speed. Good for triathlon though. Call me when you average closer to 24 in a sprint.

I'm not a sprint kinda guy. I did average 25+ for a short TT last year though, but I was definitely out of my element.

2006-08-30 9:36 AM
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
run4yrlif - 2006-08-30 9:31 AM

I'm not a sprint kinda guy.

You mean your bike's the wrong color.

I did average 25+ for a short TT last year though, but I was definitely out of my element.

 Sheesh, my grandma can average 25mph over 2.5 miles. Even on a black bike. (Closer to 30 on a FAST one)

2006-08-30 9:45 AM
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Giver
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
the bear - 2006-08-30 10:36 AM
run4yrlif - 2006-08-30 9:31 AM

I'm not a sprint kinda guy.

You mean your bike's the wrong color.

I did average 25+ for a short TT last year though, but I was definitely out of my element.

 Sheesh, my grandma can average 25mph over 2.5 miles. Even on a black bike. (Closer to 30 on a FAST one)

It *was* a technical course. And everyone know your grandma dopes...

2006-08-30 9:53 AM
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
run4yrlif - 2006-08-30 9:45 AM
the bear - 2006-08-30 10:36 AM
run4yrlif - 2006-08-30 9:31 AM

I'm not a sprint kinda guy.

You mean your bike's the wrong color.

I did average 25+ for a short TT last year though, but I was definitely out of my element.

 Sheesh, my grandma can average 25mph over 2.5 miles. Even on a black bike. (Closer to 30 on a FAST one)

It *was* a technical course. And everyone know your grandma dopes...

Yeah, yeah, technical in that you had to keep the rubber side down. Very challenging on a black bike.

And Grandma's "B" sample tested negative.

2006-08-30 9:59 AM
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Expert
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
Bear, I think you have very successfully hijacked your own thread!

Carry on!
2006-08-30 10:03 AM
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

 

Headline from 2029:

The Mac is racing this weekend, who else???

2006-08-30 10:03 AM
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

LukeTX04 - 2006-08-30 9:59 AM Bear, I think you have very successfully hijacked your own thread! Carry on!

That's allowed. BTW, have I told you lately how FAST your avatar looks?

2006-08-30 10:12 AM
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Giver
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
the bear - 2006-08-30 11:03 AM

LukeTX04 - 2006-08-30 9:59 AM Bear, I think you have very successfully hijacked your own thread! Carry on!

That's allowed. BTW, have I told you lately how FAST your avatar looks?

His position doesn't look very fast. Seat angle to slack, and what's with all of that upperbody movement?

2006-08-30 10:12 AM
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Master
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
Those are great but I had to go back to look at the original post to remember what it was about.
2006-08-30 10:13 AM
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Elite
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

Headline:

Aaron Jeepfleeb (his name was legally changed in 2015), finally completes his 7 continent around the world run. Some folks say that just by him carrying the American flag the whole way, he helped to spread democracy across Eastern Asia; some totalitarium nations crumbled under pressure from their own people to live as a free world.

No truth to the AP follow up story that his wife Haley Jeepfleeb and their 14 kids ran the last 26.2 miles to the finish with him...

2006-08-30 10:26 AM
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Champion
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

Headline:  Ron & Mike's Megatriathletesupersite market cap reaches a is at $14B as stock price rises on optimism surrounding increased revenue due to new site features.  One such feature is an automated spellcheck, enforcing a moritoriarilium on butchered dealios like totalitarium (which is what happens when you have one dominant fish in an aquarium, or so I've heard).

In other news, the thread about nothing reaches 7426 pages, 940 of which do not have a Welshy post with a misspelling. 



Edited by rkreuser 2006-08-30 10:27 AM
2006-08-30 10:32 AM
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Queen BTich
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
trigods - 2006-08-30 10:13 AM

Headline:

Aaron Jeepfleeb (his name was legally changed in 2015), finally completes his 7 continent around the world run sponsored by Ironhead Dallas, Trek, and the site where it all started Beginner Triathlete.com. Some folks say that just by him carrying the American flag the whole way, he helped to spread democracy across Eastern Asia; some totalitarium nations crumbled under pressure from their own people to live as a free world.

No truth to the AP follow up story that his wife Haley Jeepfleeb and their 14 dogs ran the last 26.2 miles to the finish with him...

Oh my.

I can do without the kids, thanks. Edited also.

2006-08-30 10:52 AM
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2006-08-30 11:29 AM
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Pro
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Subject: RE: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
rkreuser - 2006-08-30 8:26 AM

 butchered dealios like totalitarium (which is what happens when you have one dominant fish in an aquarium, or so I've heard).

HA! Dying.....

2006-08-30 2:25 PM
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