This originally comes from a column in Bicycling mag entitled "Parlez-Vous Bike? - What Cyclists Say and What They Mean." by Scott Martin.
This trail is a blast
(I hope you have good medical insurance
)
I think I might have a flat tire
(Slow down, will ya?
)
I definitely have a flat tire
(Help me change it
)
I don't have a low enough gear
(I've gained 5 pounds
)
I've decided to buy a lighter bike
(I've gained 10 pounds
)
I'm taking up clog dancing
(I've gained 25 pounds
)
I'm carbo loading
(Pass the ice cream
)
I'm tapering
(I haven't ridden in 2 months
)
The rebound was off, so I modified the damping. But then the elastomers were too dense, so I changed the oil and got rid of the stiction
(I have a new suspension fork and you don't!
)
If you're a good bike handler, you don't need to wear a helmet
(I'm so stupid a brain injury wouldn't affect me
)
Nobody needs a dual-suspension mountain bike
(I can't afford a dual-suspension mountain bike
)
Dual suspension is the only way to go
(I just dropped 3 months' salary on a dual-suspension mountain bike
)
She's a hammer
(She's faster than me
)
He's a geek
(I'm faster than him
)
I bonked
(All I took for a 4-hour ride was a half-empty bottle of month-old OJ and a moldy Twinkie
)
If you don't crash, you're not going fast enough, dude!
(I crash a lot
)
I don't own a car
(I'm a better person than you
)
Why doesn't somebody do something about all these potholes ?
(Why doesn't somebody else do something about all these potholes?
)
I do all my own bike maintenance
(When I squeeze the front brake lever, the bike shifts gears
)
Thanks for waiting
(Wipe that smug grin off your ugly face
)
Hey, did you guys hear about those new 1.8 gram carbon-fiber quick-release skewers with titanium springs?
(I am a very lonely person
)
This section of trail looks doable
(You first, sucker
)
I want to ride my bike to work, but...
(I don't want to ride my bike to work
)
He's such a wheelsucker.
(I can't drop him
)
She's always half-wheeling me.
(I can't keep up with her
)
The town-line sprint is 100 yards beyond the next bend
(The town-line sprint is 200 yards beyond the next bend
)
Been riding much?
(How fit are you ?
)
Not much. You?
(My anaerobic threshold is 250 and my resting pulse is 14
)
Nah, I've been really busy.
(My body fat is 2%
)
Well, let's take it easy today.
(Ready, set go!
)
Hold on, there's something wrong with my bike.
(Let's stop so I can rest
)
My tires suck!
(This climb is killing me!
)
Can you clear that drop-off?
(I can, but I bet you can't
)
It's getting dark.
(I wanna go home
)
This bike is a piece of sh*t!
(I can't ride worth sh*t
)
I think I broke my arm.
(There's a little bruise on my arm and I don't want to ride anymore
)
I'd jump that but I don't want to tweak my new rims.
(I'm too chicken to try
)
This hill is easy.
(This trail's pretty tough but I'm gonna try and lose you on it
)
That trail is boring.
(I know I can't make it
)
Last one down is buying.
(I'll make you feel like a loser and get a free beer too!
)
My bike was acting funny.
(Otherwise I would have whooped your butt!
)
He's pretty good.
(I know I'm better than him
)
He sucks!
(He's better than me
)
That thing's a piece of sh*t.
(I wish I had one...
)
I found this pretty funny and at times, very true. I'm sure we could come up with things that triathletes say and what they really mean.