Spousal Support...and I don't mean alimony!!

Hi Jennifer,

I will take the view that I think you are being selfish.  For example, if my sig other loved dancing and clubbing, and I hated it, why do I have to go?  Why do I have to waste my time when I can be doing something productive?  Or if I like video games and go to nerdy video game conferences up in silicon valley, why does my sig other have to come with me?  Why does she have to watch me play the games or enter into tournaments?  What a waste of time for her.

Why does either have to 'fake' that they like it?  My sig other or I will know that the other is faking it, and then not have any fun anyways. 

I think you should be happy that he does not object or complain to you training or going to events.  For example, what if I just kept hearing my sig other say, get off the computer and stop playing games, stop going to those conferences, stop this, stop that.  I think you should appreciate that you can do your hobby in peace.

Maybe guys look at it too practically.  Maybe you need a "ladies" point of view.

And you always have us on these boards to talk about triathlons

Dave

My wife is supportive for the most part (she runs too, so we do a lot of that together) and it is great.  That being said, it would be fine with me if she wasn't.  If that was my 'thing' and she wasn't into it, so be it.  The main thing is that your 'other' isn't detracting from what you are doing, then you have a problem.  Remember, you are doing this for your own satisfaction...There is no mandate that a couple has to do everything together.  Let it go, find a support network if you need one, (you obviously have a captive audience of like minded individuals right here ), join a tri-group, introduce yourself to some familiar faces that will be popping up at races...As he sees the benefits of the sport improving your physical and emotional self, he may just wonder 'what's up' and start asking questions of his own accord...and if he doesn't, you will already have everything you need anyways...

d

Well I am not married yet.  August 6, 2005 and my fiance and I will be tying the knot.  But we do live together and I guess that is pretty close to spousal??

Well reading what everyone else is going through I find myself to be pretty fortunate.  She loves to come to the races and is my biggest motivation during racing and training.  Whenever I get the training lull, she is on my butt to get with it and traing.  I don't think she wants to hear the complaints later with a poor time.  I guess she kind of knew what she was getting into, because I was racing before we started dating and what training/racing was like for me.

Here was a funny story she told me from a race I had last weekend:

She was watching and cheering me on as always, but she saw some new racers significant others run from the water to transition and around transition, yelling, "I'm proud of you honey."  She stopped and started to talk to one of the women (she likes to talk to everyone) chasing her husband and had a moment of reflection.  She told the women,"I used to be jsut like you, one of the those women chasing him around and yell encouraging words, but now that he has gotten better he knows I support him, no I am yelling 'run faster you can break 1:10'"

Kind of a funny story.  I was lucky enough to watch her race in one a year or so ago, she wanted to understand why I was so into the sport.  And although, she didn't get hooked she understands the emotion of finishing and the excitement at the events.

For me Triathlons are more than just a thing to do on the weekend, it is a way of life.  A healthy and energy increasing trial and tribulation of life.  If you think of triathlon as a race it can be boring, but if you think of it as a race similar life it can be rewarding for spectators and racers.  We are all caught in the rat race of life, triathlon mimics many of those struggles.  Graduating from college, falling in love, getting married, having children, being a parent are all tough, but their is a finish in slight, you just might not see it clearly.

So whenever you are down on your sig other or your sig other is down on you, let them know why it is important to you.  They may just understand a little more and become that supportive spouse you are looking for.

Jason

I've been married for 4.5 years (just a young buckeroo) and initially my wife didn't like my training and was jealous of it.

Fast forward 3 years into our marriage and she has come to realize that it's who I am and it makes me happy...oh, and It's not that unhealthy of a thing to be doing too.  Additionally, (all humility aside) she also sees that I'm an incredibly loving husband and I also don't spend time with my pals at the bar drinking and watching football...I spend my time with my pals on 50 mile bike rides, 2 mile pool swims, and 10 mile runs.

Sure, I have to make time with her but now she's very supportive.  Before she "came around" I would ask her what her "passion" is as mine is triathlons...she couldn't come up with an answer.  I didn't fault her for that but rather simply explained that until she has her own "passion" she might have a difficult time understanding mine.  After that I think it clicked with her.

Furthermore, I think that after my wife became severly ill and she saw how supportive and nurturing I was during this time, bringing her to 5 different hospital to see 5 different specialists to make sure we knew enough about the disease, sleeping in her hospital room every single night while she was there, always making sure that if I wasn't there someone (a family member) would take "watch" of her while I was at work...she realized that my triathlon lifestyle was not, in fact, an escape from "her" but really was my passion and really was what defined me as a person.

I also firmly believe that, although many people don't have the "benefit" of their spouses getting severly ill (thank heavens), it has really brought my wife and I closer.  Good things come all bad things!

She is still "bored" at triathlon races and rarely goes to them.  I'm ok with that now.  Before it bothered me and I felt that she didn't go because she didn't care, when in fact she doesn't go because she feels out of place and doesn't want to stand around for 2-6 hours (depending on the distance) by herself...and I agree with her.  However, she did come out to the Chicago Marathon (after MANY months of coaxing) and when she spotted me in the race she was SO EXCITED!  She realized that it was in fact fun to see me doing the thing I loved to do.

It's kinda like parents with their kids, when the kids are having fun the parents love watching them, when Joanna sees me racing she knows I doing what I love and she's happy seeing me so happy.

Unfortunately, not every marriage is healthy and not every person is mature enough to grasp these important concepts and thus our "passion" causes a rift in our relationships with our S.O.s

Don't compromise who you are for your S.O. but also (if your married) don't forget the vows you've taken.  Make time for your S.O. and if they are not being supportive it may very well mean they aren't getting the attention they need from you (unless they are just plain immature and selfish).