what's the motive behind mean, rude, and power hungry people...

They are trying to fill the emptiness inside them, just like all the rest of us. Unfortunately, some people don't know how to do that without being mean or rude.

Whenever I run into people like that, it usually takes me a while to figure out how to not take it personally, and just let them do their thing without getting my feelings hurt.

But, I have people in my life that, for whatever reason, I can't quite emotionally distance myself from, and so it's always a struggle being around them. I'm not 100% convinced that my MIL is being rude on purpose. I think she sincerely believes she's being funny, but it's really hurtful to me. But no matter how many times we try to tell her, she doesn't get it. So, I just have to remind myself that it's very likely that when I see her next, she'll say something that will upset me, and be prepared for it.

It helps (a little) to know that I'm not the only one who thinks she's crazy. Her entire family, including her husband, does too.

Another thing that helps, is whenever I experience someone being rude, whether to me directly, or just in my presence, I make a point to do something nice for someone else, to kind of even out the mean/nice balance. 

There are so many different kinds of mean, it's hard to generalize about the motive, but one common denominator is that they are unhappy with themselves for some reason....whatever that reason might be and there are billions of them.  Power hungry is quite different than mean.  It's not too hard to imagine why people would want power.  I'd love to have some power if I could use it for good and not have to be a complete monster to acquire it.

Instead of trying to figure out why other people act the way they do, which I consider for the most part to be futile, I prefer to look at myself and my own response to their behavior.  I have noticed that when I am having a hard time of it personally, like you are now, your typical crappy behaviour from others hurts so much more because what you desperately need is some human kindness.  You want kind of a niceness hug from everyone around you so you can feel like the world is a good and kind place instead of what it can seem like sometimes.  It's kind of like when you are very sad over a loss of some kind, you expect everything in the world to just stop what it's doing and be sad with you.  You don't want to see it just going on with business as usual like you don't exist.  It makes you feel very small and very alone.  

So I have figured out that when I am in a really bad place, and I just can't take the blows because my emotions are too close to the surface, if at all possible I HAVE to isolate myself for a little bit, just to get some distance from it.  Like for example, one time something particularly horrendous happend to me and that is when I found out that we have such a thing as crisis leave at work.  I never knew that before then.  Believe me, I took it.  And the other thing I have to do is turn to the people in my life who really do love me, who really do want to comfort me, and who really do want to understand what I am going through, if they can.  If not, just their desire helps me tremendously.  Then, when I am feeling stronger, it's back to the mean old world and it pretty much just bounces right off me!

It has been the case since the beginning of time.

that there are people in the world who just need a good a.s.s whoopin'

thus is it now, and so shall it ever be

Don't let the bastards get you down. You're better than them.

Well thank you very much! 

I know people like that too.  Like I said, I don't believe my MIL honestly believes she's being mean in the slightest.  I'm sure she thinks she's being funny or helpful.   Or she's just plain clueless.

But some people KNOW they're being mean, and enjoy it.  I don't get those people.  I usually just try to stay away.