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Am I being selfish....
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 2006-01-21 11:50 PM |
Expert  997    Littleton, CO |  Subject: Am I being selfish........for those of you who follow my blog, you know life has been tough lately. Husband has been traveling constantly, kids have been difficult, trying to keep my household together, just general everyday stress. So here's the only thing in the world I want right now: A night in a Bed and Breakfast, BY MYSELF, with a big fluffy bed, in a girly room. I want to wake up whenever I darn well want to, go for a long trail run, and return to a huge bubble bath, hot tea, and a good book. But I want to do it alone...without my husband, without anyone. Just me. Alone. I told a few friends this and they looked at me like I had grown a second head. Is it horrible to want this, none-the-less do it? Guys, would you be upset if your wife wanted to escape to a B&B without you? Should I broach this subject with hubby or just swallow this small wish? Melanie |
| 2006-01-22 12:31 AM in reply to: #329267 |
Elite 2706 Hurst, Texas | Subject: RE: Am I being selfish.... Melanie, I'm a happily married guy with a great wife and two beautiful daughters...but you know what?? Sometimes life gets stressful and we just need a break from EVERYTHING. It doesn't make you a bad person, and it doesn't mean you love your family any less. If my wife needed a break like that, I'd be happy to not only encourage her to do it, but to pay for it as a little treat to her. If your relationship is solid and your hubby is understanding, this should be a "no brainer" imho. Brandt
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 2006-01-22 12:35 AM in reply to: #329267 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2006-01-22 1:19 AM in reply to: #329267 |
| Elite 2796 Texas | Subject: RE: Am I being selfish.... I think you should go too. What good are we to anyone if we aren't good to ourselves once in a while? Have fun.  |
| 2006-01-22 4:40 AM in reply to: #329267 |
Master 1462 Michigan | Subject: RE: Am I being selfish.... I don't think it's selfish at all. Sometimes all we need is a litle me time and the batteries are recharged. I would be like go and get the heck out of my hair if it mean't you would come back happy and renewed. |
| 2006-01-22 6:32 AM in reply to: #329267 |
| Veteran 298 San mateo | Subject: RE: Am I being selfish.... It isn't selfish at all, we all need "breaks" from everyday life or else we can go crazy. Yeah, go and enjoy! I have one friend who has been married with children for at least 26 years and on occasions she will grab two or three girlfriends and go on an all-inclusive dirt-cheap trip to Jamaca. She says that helps her keep her sanity intact....go and enjoy! |
| 2006-01-22 9:07 AM in reply to: #329267 |
| Master 1249 Lexington, Kentucky | Subject: RE: Am I being selfish.... Not at all. Everybody needs a little alone time now and then. I think a solo vacation now and then is good for a marriage. I used to be the travelling husband. While it was often lonesome on the road, there were also times when a tranquil hotel room was a welcome refuge. My wife had to take care of the kids while I was away, so I made sure to take the kids and give her lots of space on the weekends. Present it to your hubby as a girly retreat doing things he would find boring. (My wife's last solo trip was for her high school reunion."I'll go with you if you want, dear, but you'll probably have more fun without me.) Naturally, you should offer to reciprocate, giving him a testosterone-soaked weekend fishing/hunting/going to the big game, or whatever. Hopefully, you will return from your vacation physically and emotionally refreshed. If so, be sure to make your hubby aware of it. He will be packing your overnight bag for your next trip. |
| 2006-01-22 4:28 PM in reply to: #329267 |
| Elite 2661 DC Metro, slowly working my way to NC | Subject: RE: Am I being selfish.... Sounds perfectly reasonable to me - we all need time on our own to keep our heads from exploding sometimes. |
| 2006-01-22 6:27 PM in reply to: #329267 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2006-01-22 6:48 PM in reply to: #329267 |
Champion 7704 Williamston, Michigan | Subject: RE: Am I being selfish.... Do it Everyone deserves to get away. You could even plan a whole WEEKEND with a girl friend and go shopping etc if you wanted. Not selfish at all. |
| 2006-01-22 8:14 PM in reply to: #329267 |
| Master 1946 | Subject: RE: Am I being selfish.... Did you make your reservation yet????? HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME_ You deserve it! |
| 2006-01-22 8:18 PM in reply to: #329267 |
| Master 2033 | Subject: RE: Am I being selfish.... As a guy I have to say most wives deserve this... mine takes care of the kids coks cleans and does everything else... Including puting up with my crazy career challanges and training without a complaint... If she wanted to do this I'd say Go for it! Just dont ask on a day your are fighting! |
| 2006-01-22 8:29 PM in reply to: #329267 |
| Expert 997 Littleton, CO | Subject: RE: Am I being selfish.... Thanks for your support. It greatly relieved my guilt about it. My hubby is currently in Holland and won't return until later this week, but I will ask then. Now I just have to find a good weekend to do it. Mel |
| 2006-01-22 8:44 PM in reply to: #329267 |
| Champion 7558 Albuquerque, New Mexico | Subject: RE: Am I being selfish.... You should get a break, but have you also talked to your husband about your current stress level? Spending a weekend hiding in a B&B won't make the kids behave or change his travel schedule. Is this part of the normal ebb and flow of the year? Is he chasing the $$ instead of you (and is it worth it)? Maybe you should plan two weekends, one by yourself, and another with just him. |
| 2006-01-23 1:59 AM in reply to: #329267 |
| Master 2278 State of Confusion | Subject: RE: Am I being selfish.... I am right there with you on this one! It is NOT selfish! When you're giving, giving, giving, and not getting a chance to recharge, you just run out of steam. You need a break. Ask for it! I've taken a whole weekend to go to the beach to do just what you described. Twice a year I go to my aunt's beach house with a stack of trashy magazines (People, Cosmo etc), nothing but sweats and running clothes and I have myself some solitude. I love it and so does my husband and kids because when I come home I am me again. I say talk to your husband. He'll understand. |
| 2006-01-23 6:55 AM in reply to: #329267 |
| Crystal Lake, IL | Subject: RE: Am I being selfish.... First, I vote yes, take your night off. But I think it's just as important to prevent yourself from getting to this point again if you can. Probably the biggest interference with my tri training is that when I'm not working I spend as much time as possible taking responsibility for the kids and entertaining/taking care of them so my wife can get some alone time. She doesn't always take advantage of it, but she knows she could if she wants to. I know from posts that there are a lot of other BT dads who do the same thing. Maybe activities where dad takes the kids and goes somewhere more regularly, or you get out on your own for a few hours, would help prevent you from building stress to the point where you feel like you need a night like this. Either way, good luck, relax and enjoy. Hang loose, even. |
| 2006-01-23 9:59 AM in reply to: #329267 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2006-01-23 2:04 PM in reply to: #329659 |
| Master 2288 Katy, TX (West of Houston) | Subject: RE: Am I being selfish.... Colomingle - 2006-01-22 8:29 PM Thanks for your support. It greatly relieved my guilt about it. My hubby is currently in Holland and won't return until later this week, but I will ask then. Now I just have to find a good weekend to do it. Mel While I agree you should do it, one thing I think you should do differant. DON'T ASK, TELL HIM YOU ARE DOING THIS! He loves you and knows you need this, he is probably trying to figure out a way to show you. If Bonnie (Mrs Fish) said she was going away for the weekend, i think I waould ask what she wanted for dinner when she got home. In fact, this could be a really good Mother's Day gift! I think I will do this, Thanks. |
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