Attn: Single men!

What a brilliant personals ad!!

Dang, other than that "single and attractive" thing, I'd be perfect. Maybe I DO have marketable skills!

hilarious! I could be that boyfriend!

I don't see where it says you have to be single.

I'm not most of those things, but I can certainly put it on. I wonder if a yellow speedo is considered "ugly clothes"...

Bummer -- I got blocked. Anyone wanna post it?

My tax dollars don't pay for internet censorship! Well, I guess they do, as it turns out. Who knew...

I am looking for a terrible boyfriend for one week to restore myhappiness in being single. Now that school has started again I findmyself in classes where 80% of my classmates are eithermarried/engaged/in a relationship. I was content to be single allsummer but now that I have been exposed to all these happy people inrelationships, I'm starting to wonder if I need one too.

In my head, I know I don't, but let's make this concrete with anexperience. This is where you come in. I need you around for one weekin the role of a bad boyfriend to renew my glee in being single.

My requirements of you:
-You are attractive. Sorry, but if this is to work out for me, youhave to be a pretty boy who is nice to look at but a total dickotherwise.
-Be very needy. Call me several times a day, checking where I am, who I'm with, etc.
-Have poor or no manners. When we go out, I want you to not useyour napkin, tip poorly or not at all, never open doors, that sort ofthing.
-It would be nice if you have politically conservative leanings so we can get into fun arguments
-Stare at other girls when we're out together. Bonus points for flirting with them.
-Don't listen when I talk, and interrupt me when you can.
-Insist on driving us everywhere, but proceed to get so drunk that I have to drive your car or call a taxi.
-Wear ugly clothes, or at least clothing inappropriate for every occasion.
-Have wildly inaccurate information and unfounded opinions. It is your mission that you are right about everything.
-Steal something of mine. I will set out one designated thing thatyou must steal from my house. You will steal this and nothing else.
-Don't be too upset when I end things after a week (and part of thisdeal is that I am the one to break things off). You know what you'regetting into and do not form any untoward bond.

After the week is up we can either be friends and laugh about this,or we can pretend that we've never met and ignore each other if wehappen to meet in a public place.

What do you get out of it?

At least 5 nights out (you pay your half, sorry. I am not rich).One stolen item (of my choosing). A good story to tell people later.Satisfaction that you are also single. A chance to vent your spleen. Adissatisfying tryst for both of us.

You'd be a fool to pass up this opportunity!

Weird...we have the same IT, and I could open it.

what's an IT?

Hmmm...IT must just have tight reigns on me. 

Being a deceitful, two-timing cheat would no doubt enhance her experience.

I'm also curious about her insistence that the boyfriend "not be upset" when she ends the "relationship".  A week of post break-up "stalking" (strictly pro-forma, of course) would make her happy to stay single for years.

Deceit? What deceit? Actor playing a roll. Anyway, she's in CO, so it's moot.

Reading that wish list alone has made me extra happy about being unattached.

Chris, you could go out five times and complain everytime that you would really rather be training.

Seems like a raw deal. What's the value of the item to be stolen? Does she put out on the first date? Valid questions that need answers...