I'm gonna get skewered for this.....

Well, uberbeginner,

Yeah there could be psychopaths on here just like the one that worked at an elementary school I once did a story about. But you can encounter people not being who they say they are anywhere not just in cyberspace - at work, at church, at school, in your own damn family. I mean really, how much do you really know about your dad's secret life. Hell I know people who have been married for years and don't know their husband is a jerk or if they do they ignore it. So yo can live your life suspecting that people aren't who they say they are or you can be who you are are all the time rain or shine. I choose the latter.

Just because you're married doesn't mean you aren't a psycho and just because you're single doesn't mean you are a loser. Marriage isn't a symbol of goodness that proves you don't have issues. It just proves that someone else can tolerate your issues but hey doesn't your mother also do that?

Oh and I totally disagree wtih the fact that you can't find meaninful relationships (I'm talking friendships here) with folks on BT. Most of my friends just don't get my tri thing. My real friends do but I have lost several friends because of it. They don't understand the hours it takes, why I can't go out of town every weekend or out on Friday nights cause I have long bike rides etc,, to do but BTers do cause they're right there doing it with me. So meaninful relationships are occurring between people who know how to nurture friendships.

And it is not necessarily deceitful - people show different parts of their personality in different context. I read a very well written article - I think in Men's Health - where the author was surprised to find out that her sweet, caring, loving, goofy dad was feared/admired at work as a hard-nosed, take-no-prisoners, corporate warrior.

I dunno...commonality of interests is a good starting point in any relationships. And it's been my experience that people actually tend to be more honest in forums like this than in "real" life. Sure, there are some bullsh*ters, but when you spend enough time chatting with people as we do here, it becomes pretty easy to spot.

It's easy to underestimate someone that posts Winger lyrics...heh. Actually...you may have the makings of a mighty fine power ballad there.

TriComet - 2005-08-30 11:58 AM Well, I feel like I've met a couple people through here (and met them in real life) that I would consider my friends, and will continue to be for a long time. Ya, runnergirl, I'm talking about you!!

Ditto Tricomet!

I think you can meet good people on BT and have meaningful relationships with them.  I'm not saying that you're going to be best friends with everyone and have sparks with everyone you meet but it is possible.  And...I think your chances of having sucess by meeting people on this website are greater than other places becuase of the common interest and amibitons that are shared.  We all like to do tri's, demonstrate self discipline and motivation adn like to spend our free time doing the same things.  It's hard to find that in people who are your every day friends.   I don't think you can "really" know someone just being online, but you can definitely depict someone's character from the posts adn PM's.  though, James might disagree- he's still recovering form the shock of meeting tricomet- lol!

I dunno, I don't find your post particularly controversial. I do think you miss some critical points about getting to know people, though.

You write:

Anyone seems like date potential, when I'm sure this isn't always the case. For example, if I were single, completely buff, and posting on her like a madman, I'd probably have a lot of the bt girls 'attracted' to me on a certain level.

I think it's pretty easy to get a feel for someone's true personality even online. Just takes paying attention. Sure, people can put on a false front but even that facade wears thin with enough time and posts. In other words, we all show our true colors given enough time. A pretty face and profligacy of posting is not all it takes to appear attractive. What you have to say is oh so much more important than the frequency with which you write. Take a look at the "What Are You Reading?" thread to see what interests people have, what they pour into their heads. Pay attention to the tone and tenor of someone's posts. Mind how they react to seemingly hostile replies. Look for consistency in their 'voice', attitudes and opinions.

As for a frat party... hmmmm... I think alot of the people who post on here appear articulate, mannered, intelligent and fairly self-disciplined (or struggling to become). This is not your average forum; the regulars are quite well-mannered, IMO. Not ideal ingredients for bacchanalian socializing. In fact, the group of BTers I met at St. A's were decidedly not frat-party material.

Sure, a sociopath can play the Wizard of Oz and fool many people. However, the percentage of true sociopaths is quite low and would be a rare exception. Anyone who appears perfectly poised and says all the right things all the time is suspect in my book. I'd rather learn about your flaws and warts - that's where the human side lies.

As for the low odds that 2 BTers could create a meaningful relationship, I agree but for different reasons. You can't create chemistry; you can't manufacture attraction, you can't control kismet. It's either there, or it isn't.

As for increased odds due to common interests (not your post but someone else's) - tri'ing - it's not our commonality which makes a relationship work; it's the way we create a union of our differences that determines how successfully we are joined.

My $0.02.

When's the frat party?

Jess

That's why when someone asks 'why are all these lovely BT girls single?' it makes me laugh. We have no idea, because there a million factors in that person's life that don't make it to this forum.

or just spend many years with them. Marriage isn't for everyone!