WHAT is his deal?

Especially men who play games- I don't tolerate it!  At one point I was kinds of hanging out with this one guy- we'd email here and there, run together, hang out on group rides.  Nothing bug, but I thought something could develop.  I thought he was single!  Later I find out from someone that he has a girlfriend and they live together- oops!  He failed to to mention that and told me since he wasn't sure he wanted to marry her, that he wasn't really taken and was still kind of available.  What a sleeze!  The things some guys forget to tell you- like in your case Renne, hey I'm getting married soon- ugh!

Nooooo, Janelle. It's not that he was getting married soon - he was ALREADY married! About a month later when he told me on the phone, I asked "Uhhhh why didn't you tell me when I saw you?" He said he didn't want to confuse the issue of why he wanted to see me. He's considerate like that.

Sounds like my ex.  He's stopped jerking my chain because I cut the chain when he wasn't looking.

When we were together all those years, he was always "shopping", but when I would confront him he either 1) made it sound like my fault he wasn't satisfied with me, or 2) I was crazy and they were just "friends".  He never officially cheated, but it wasn't for the lack of trying.

Now he calls (we have to talk at least once a month about a shared financial commitment - long story) and tells me all about his new GF and stupid stuff he's now pulling with her.  He had the balls to tell me about the woman he met at the gym and how they're going to meet for coffee.  (eyes rolling)  He asked me what I thought about that, and I just had to laugh.  I told him straight up, that fact that he was even considering it meant he didn't respect his GF, whom he claims he loves, and that the fact that he was asking me my opinion proved that he was concerned about how "legit" it was.

Part of me was saddened to hear that story because it reminded me of all the crap I let him pull on me.  But part of me was relieved to know that it wasn't me -- it was and still is ALL HIM.

Renee, if I was in your place, I'd email this guy and tell him point blank that you have nothing to say to him.  You certainly have nothing to explain to him about why you won't see him.  Cut him loose.  Don't take his calls ever again.  Go cold turkey on him.  You don't need him in your life. 

Oh, honey, I've already gone cold turkey. I refused to see him for 18 months. When I did see him I said "Ok. I forgive you but we aren't going to be friends. No need to see me or call me again."

I didn't take his call today and I'm not returning it. I'm not emailing him. No need to email him to say 'don't call.' I just don't take his call. He understands what that means.

Gotcha.  I don't know if that's better or worse.  Was he wearing his band when you saw him?? 

Love the really bad hair thing comment!!  Men- we love them, we hate them.  What's a girl to do??  Change of subject- was your Greek salad any good? 

It helps when they don't look so good, eh? Its the pits if they are lookin too good 'after the fact'. At my son's baseball game, my friend (as you can see a true friend) said, "hey nikki, i noticed David's got a bald spot going". (David, being the ol ex).

Anyway, my take on it, is that he still digs you unquestionably, and feels like he still wants the rapport, the friendship? Sometimes we can make these transitions, sometimes we can't. It more so seems to come down to, 'its not what you do, its how you do it'. He seemed to think that he knew best how to re-approach you, but unfortunately he likely was keeping a bit of fantasy in with the possible good intention and didn't "do it" well.

More importantly, did it rattle your cage, and if so why?

Nice. 

Like Lara said, I grew a backbone and refuse to have shady people in my life rather than hoping they'd change or worry that nobody else would like me.

What a creep though!!

It didn’t suck but it was a bit short on feta cheese. I love the kalamata olives.

Yes, I hate to admit it still rattles my cage; I wouldn't post this thread if it didn't. It took me 18 months after our breakup to feel like I was ready to date again; he broke my heart “a lot.” I refused to see him during these 18 months because I previously kept taking him back and I had to admit I was addicted to him (our sex was freaking incredible). So, I didn’t trust myself around him. That’s why I finally consented to see him – to face my fear that I couldn’t trust myself with him. Turns out, I could! Not only was I repulsed by the look of his head (really, the hair was incredibly bad), I thought he looked like a 3 year old might look if his mommy let him dress himself. I left thinking “This is what I was hungup on? Ohhhhhhh Renee…. That’s so sad!” I also thought he looked very sad (when I chanced a look in his eyes). Which is a strange look for a newly married man to have...

So, it still rattles my cage but not near as much as it used tor. Now my reaction is "What can my married ex boyfriend who broke my heart again and again possibly think we have to talk about?"  I can't imagine.

Do your best to avoid him.  Sounds like he still has the hots, and thinks he is studly enough and smart enough (trying to get one past his new wife) like you could be his misstress.  Or something cosmopolitan like that (I've been watching ROME on HBO)...

If you do bump into each other, keep comments cool and brief and get away.  At what point could you get a restraining order?

Holy crap! That was funny - the thing about his beard. I needed a laugh. Thanks!

My ex had evidently bleached his hair then grew it out about 5 or 6 inches long and half of it was bleached and the rest was dark brown. To make matters worse (like you could), it was in this style like the kid Arnold in Hey Arnold! (Nickelodeon). I was literally sitting opposite him thinking "Wtf is going on with his head? Don't look at him - he'll notice the horrified look on your face. How can he not know how bad it looks? Focus on your salad."

And to think he has a wife that lets him out in public looking like that.