Help! I need all the newbie tips you care to offer.

Newbies concerns center around

1)  Will I be able to complete the race? 
2)  What do I need?
3)  Will people laugh at me? 
4)  Will someone be mad at me if I make a mistake? 

Most newbies if they have trained even a little bit are capable of completing a tri, so reassure them that they CAN complete it.  Effective strategies are to focus on having fun, don't worry about how fast other people are, relax, and take your time. 

We get caught up in "needs" versus "nice-to-haves" (in life and triathlon both).  You need a bicycle, helmet, running shoes, and a swimsuit (and in some races, a shirt).  Very, very nice to haves include goggles, a bike repair kit (tube, levers, multitool, pump), sunscreen, and sunglasses (especially to keep crap out of your eyes on the bike).  Further down the list are race belts, bike shoes and clipless pedals, transition bags, tri-bikes, tri-suits, running hats, fuel belts, etc.  Bring a change of clothes for the ride home. 

Laughing is part of life.  My experience has been triathletes are a friendly group, and don't "judge" people who walk, come in last, bulge out of their spandex a little, fall over on their bikes, etc.  If you have some personal experiences here (falling over while clipped in) share them.  Would it be appropriate for you to wear a tri-suit when you speak to them?  Showing them you're comfortable standing there in spandex might go a long ways towards alleviating their fears. 

"Mistakes" are pretty rare if you pay attention to the race rules an are aware of your surroundings.  Pretty much "don't impede others (stay to the right)" and "don't litter"

Have fun, thank the volunteers, have fun, encourage other participants, and finally, have fun! 

Can you give the talk while wearing your trisuit?  It will make everyone realize that spandex is a friend, not an enemy to be feared!

Bring examples of things like chamois cream, body glide, gels....things that people talk about but that perhaps newbies aren't sure what to look for in a store, or what they are actually used for.