Wandering eyes

yuck...  I agree and find it demeaning and extremely disrespectful.

I mean if it happens once in a great while, I could see... but if this is a common occurrence, I would be alarmed.

Here's my thoughts... when you gut is telling you something,  it's best to listen to it.  How often has your gut been wrong?... I bet not alot.. .mine is usually right.. and when I'm trying to fight the gut feeling, I think that's another word for "rationalizing".

and when it comes to marriage... the last thing I want to do is rationalize "anything"

also... another thing, when you tell your SO that something bothers you and he doesn't stop it or work it out in way that's caring and makes you feel better.... if reasonable, that's another huge red flag.  tread slowly...

oh yeah one last note... you can see VERY easily the men who disrespect their SO's in public by looking at other women... I have had that experience many times... a guy at a dinner table checking me out while his SO is right there... yuk.... I want to go up to her and say "psst... you deserve better"

That is an interesting topic...

A guy I work with "notices" every woman and he definitely is thinking what it would be like to get them naked...I don't think I could ever deal with that.  I would be jealous or feel inadequate.  I would never date this guy because he seems to want so many women!

On the other hand, my BF doesn't seem to ever notice other women but sometimes doesn't notice me either.  Like if I put on something special, he doesn't seem to appreciate it.

I think some men and women tend to be more aware of their surroundings.  

I don't feel like I am being any help...

What do I think when someone is checking me out? I had a guy at the gym come up to me and talk to me and tell me what excellent shape I am in and that I had the best figure (I had just done a fitness competition thingy).  Anyway, later I found out he is married and his wife works out at the same gym.  I was really offended. He didn't have a wedding ring on or anything.  I considered telling his wife what a dog he is but she may already know and not want to hear it from me!

If the guy is decent, it makes me feel good about myself but can be creepy too...like the guy who has an office next to me...ewwww.

I guess it is if you can deal with it and feel secure with yourself and your relationship...

Personally, I would need to feel like the MOST special person in a man's world!

I'm with ya sister... and I still have yet to find that... and until I do, I won't be saying "I do" to anyone.  I like your thinking

clearly your SO has not perfected the art of being subtle.  a key to a happy marriage is not getting caught noticing other women. 

seriously though, I don't have an answer for you.  As a guy, I have to admit I've done it before but I don't honestly don't know why.  I don't scope a room out and think "hmm, she's look good naked."  But at the same time, pretty women have managed to catch my eye.

might seem like an odd question, but what is his relationship like with his mother?  friends I know who "oggle" women tend to not have any respect for women and by extension have "iffy" relationships with their mothers.

i think it comes down to respect.  or could be a lack of self-esteem on your SO's part.

I agreed with your stuff about making SURE before marriage! I had one bad marriage...life is too short to spend it with someone who is going to upset or disrespect you!

Okay so I'm presuming you're only mad when he looks in the direction of an attractive woman.

So what about if he looks in the direction of an obese woman who is missing teeth and thinks, "That woman woman is missing teeth"??  If that would be okay then looking at an attractive woman should be okay.  Otherwise it comes off to me that there MIGHT (I typed might) be some personal issues to work out.  Again, just a perception.

On the other hand, it seems like he needs to take lessons in getting in his glance without making it obvious. 

As a female friend of mine says, 'It's okay to look at the menu as long as they come home for dinner.'

Oh yeah, even though it's a TV person, Tom Welling (Clark Kent of Smallville) my wife drools over him and openly admits that he could just stare at the camera for the entire hour and she'd be happy.  No big deal.

As for what I think when I look at another woman, it mostly depends on the predominate feature, it could be:  Nice eyes, Holy Rack on that woman, or OMG she's got no teeth. 

I wouldn't like it at all.  

I am glad mine man doesn't do this at all - I was talking about someone in my office being really pretty and he looked at me and asked me "she is pretty?".

When I was single, it was like window shopping; it was fun to "browse" even if you had no intent on "purchasing."  It was a habit, quite ingrained.  When my wife and I were dating and became serious, she quickly let me know how she felt about it.  I tried to explain, using the "great art" and "appreciation of beauty" analogies.  This did not impress her.  Loving her and hating tension, I had to actively work to break this habit.  I had several whiplash type injuries from jerking my head straight as soon as I realized that  was doing it.  After a while, when my defenses came down, I began to realize how this would make her feel insecure, and I WANTED to not do this.  I have been clean and ogle-free for all of my married life.  After almost 14 years of marital bliss, observers would think that I have had a cervical spine fusion, as my neck never moves in ANY direction, with or without her around.  He really should acknowledge how this makes you feel and start making a whole-hearted attempt to break the habit.  P.S.  My wife says to dump him!    Good luck.

I'm going to start out by saying my wife and I both do this.  We'll be in the mall and I'll say "Wow that woman is really good looking" and I'll be checking her out.  But in my mind, the admiration part of it is as far as it goes.  There is no desire to fantasize about getting naked with her or anything else.  Conversely, Patti will say "That guy has nice blue eyes and a cute butt" and we'll both laugh about it.  Neither of us considers it disrespectfull.  Maybe being married for 35 years and still thinking each other is the hottest thing around has something to do with it.  I'm guessing we both are pretty secure and it's the longevity of the relationship that has locked in that level of security.  When you're younger or have only been with someone for a short while, you're still building up that level of trust.  There is that constant internal voice that says "I'm not good enough...he/she is seeing something better and I can't compete."  Perhaps it takes a long time for that to go away for some people.  For me, it was never there...I've known since day #1 that she was the only one for me and that there isn't another person on earth I'd rather spend time with.

It's not the inattentiveness at the mall that detracts from her feeling of security.  It's knowing that I'm there to help her 24/7 when she needs it.  When she is sick and I'll go out in a raging snowstorm to get her some cough medicine because she ran out of it.  Or when she was recovering from gall bladder surgery and was attempting to use the bathroom but had a pretty messy accident, and I was there in seconds to help clean it and her up and she cried because who would do that besides someone who loved her.

I can't speak for your inner feelings...all I know is how I feel and noticing and staring at and remarking about other women is pretty insignificant to all the love and respect that goes on in our relationship.  And we both know that.  I can't tell you to "get over it" because I'm not in your shoes.  All I can say is make sure you notice the other "good things" and are they a more convincing argument for how he really feels about you.

Men are visual beings.  They do not stop being men just because they find someone that they love.

I love to look at beautiful women.  I would never cheat on my wife.  But you have to be secure enough in your own relationship, I guess

ETA, I am not talking about ogling, leering, etc.  I am talking about seeing an attractive person and not averting my eyes instantly.....

I agree that it shouldn't be something that you would notice.  I'm sure Eric looks at other women, and he and his friends make comments about celebrities that make me think he still looks.  But I almost never notice him actually looking at another woman.  And when I do, it's usually because of some other thing.  Like the other day, he did a double take on a woman, but it was because she was in a bikini even though it was cold outside.

He once said the best advice he ever got from his dad was how to look at women (or, more specificially, a certain part of their anatomy) without being obvious about it.

My ex used to look at women and comment on them to me.  I don't know what his intention was, but it really hurt me and made me even more self-conscious.

It bothered me more when my husband would try to be sneaky and act like he wasn't looking.  Now, he'll tell me if he notices someone.  I'm usually curious what he finds attractive about other people.  He's the same way.  I guess we're secure enough wih each other that it is ok.

Max said it way better than me. 

Nothing outweighs 2 billion years of biology.  All men look, lust and imagine.  Some just hide it better then others. ;-)

Human nature to look, but to hold that ogle while they are with you, I'm thinking they need to be told that it bothers you.  And it works the other way around.

I'm not afraid to admit that I do look at women, and if with my wife, am not afraid to say that the other women is pretty, nice smile, nice eyes and such, then leave it at that.  I don't hold that stare and then look back and continue looking.  THAT, OBVIOUSLY, IS NOT RIGHT!  If I did that, I would have problems with my relationship then and should be told that I'm a pig.

I maybe married, but I'm not dead, but there is a fine line.

I think most guys are just think, wow she looks good. We no that there is no chance of acting on it. Its just in our nature.

By no means does it mean we like you any less!