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Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work....
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 2005-09-23 1:14 PM |
The Original  7834      Raleigh/Durham |  Subject: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work....Here are some of the phrases used quite frequently at my workplace during meetings, presentations, conference calls, etc. I HATE THEM and REFUSE TO REPEAT THEM! They Say: "Who's the driver of this?" I Want to Say: Drive- who's driving? I don't see a car in this conference room. They Say: "Let's take these ideas and massage it." I Want to Say: Massage??? Where?? I really need a massage. This tri trianing is making me a little sore. They Say: "That will be coming down the pipeline next." I Want to Say: What pipeline? Last time I checked we weren't were in Alaska. They Say: "Well he has a lot on his plate right now- we all do." I Want to Say: Then don't take so much food. Haven't you realized that your stomach is bigger than your eyes yet? They Say: "Put this on your radar." I Want to Say: What radar? We're not meteoroligists? (sorry for the bad spelling!) |
| 2005-09-23 1:18 PM in reply to: #252511 |
| Member 98 Austin, TX | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... How about: They say: "Who is going to tackle this project?" I want to say: "Tackle, this isn't the damn NFL." |
| 2005-09-23 1:21 PM in reply to: #252511 |
Pro 4612 MA | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... |
| 2005-09-23 1:23 PM in reply to: #252511 |
Extreme Veteran 604 Northwest Ohio | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... |
| 2005-09-23 1:34 PM in reply to: #252518 |
The Original 7834 Raleigh/Durham | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... Bettylou - 2005-09-23 2:23 PM The one that has me baffled lately is "the view from 30,000 feet" Huh? Hmm...good one. Haven't heard that one yet. Maybe I'll throw it out here in my next meeting- ha,ha. I wonder if that is the same as "let's look at the big picture." Another one is... They Say: "what's the value added?" I want to say: Who cares? I came up with it and it sounds darn good whether there's value added or not! Why do you have to try and steal my thunder? Edited by runnergirl28 2005-09-23 1:36 PM |
| 2005-09-23 2:42 PM in reply to: #252511 |
| Pro 4040 | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... "We can leverage the fact that you'll be in town next week..." Leverage, please. "How does this impact our schedule..." Well, actually, it doesn't impact our schedule, it affects it. If the schedule is impacted, well I ain't the one who is going to disimpact it. "I think we should utilize those resources..." How come we can just USE those resources and save two syllables? And what's with the overuse of the word "typically"??? Edited by Opus 2005-09-23 2:45 PM |
| 2005-09-23 2:48 PM in reply to: #252511 |
Elite Veteran 777 flatland | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... I'm just so glad that the days of Leveraging Infrastructure are over...what that generally meant for me was "here, you know about this networking and programming stuff...make these Microsoft-only closed source things with our existing Linux things, ok? And, do it without any additional money or people or training or any reduction in your existing work. Yeah. Thanks." Not that anything has changed, but at least I don't have to hear it all wrapped up in a buzz phrase. I remember a meeting where some vendor was boasting about "leveraging their core competencies". And I thought, you mean that you're only good at one thing and so you're going to charge more for it. Sweet. Where do I sign? |
| 2005-09-23 3:03 PM in reply to: #252511 |
| Pro 4040 | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... "Typically we don't have the bandwidth to tackle this project. But by pro-actively leveraging our core competencies through a bottom up identification of the required skill sets, we feel that we can meet all of the milestones and expectations that you have and provide you with a backward compatible, regression tested prototype within two weeks, but we can discuss the finer details off-line." |
| 2005-09-23 3:54 PM in reply to: #252562 |
Champion 11641 Fairport, NY | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... Opus - 2005-09-23 4:03 PM "Typically we don't have the bandwidth to tackle this project. But by pro-actively leveraging our core competencies through a bottom up identification of the required skill sets, we feel that we can meet all of the milestones and expectations that you have and provide you with a backward compatible, regression tested prototype within two weeks, but we can discuss the finer details off-line." OMG you were just in that meeting too!?! |
| 2005-09-23 3:58 PM in reply to: #252511 |
The Original 7834 Raleigh/Durham | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... I forgot about the word "proactive"- lo! I hear that all the time! "Let's be proactive and not reactive". |
| 2005-09-23 4:09 PM in reply to: #252554 |
| Sydney Australia | Subject: |
| 2005-09-23 4:11 PM in reply to: #252511 |
| Sydney Australia | Subject: |
| 2005-09-23 4:45 PM in reply to: #252511 |
Extreme Veteran 360 Lafayette, CO | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... |
| 2005-09-23 4:49 PM in reply to: #252511 |
Veteran 282 Dallas, TX | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... The newest catch phrase I have heard is: the enterprise "The enterprise is turning in this direction and we need to help steer the ship" "This is the direction the enterprise is headed" Apparently I now work aboard the Star Trek Enterprise! |
| 2005-09-23 6:31 PM in reply to: #252511 |
| Expert 615 Brisbane | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... "Just calling to touch base" Do I have a base, and if so why are you touching it? "in camera" what the hell does this mean. Here one I understand though and would like to instigate on a regular basis' "Piss off, let me do my work" I think it will catch on |
| 2005-09-23 6:54 PM in reply to: #252511 |
Champion 5183 Wisconsin | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... "corporate culture" drives me bonkers, especially since every time I have ever heard it invoked at my own place of work it has been prescriptive vs. descriptive. also hate when colleagues ask if they can "pick my brain." What they mean is either A), Do you have time to listen to me rattle off and then tell me how smart I am?, or B) Do you have time to listen to my half baked ideas and then tell me how to make them sound better so I can run off and take all the credit? and this sends me over the edge: "I know you are busy and trying to get stuff done, but...." |
 2005-09-23 7:11 PM in reply to: #252511 |
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| 2005-09-23 7:13 PM in reply to: #252618 |
| Regular 77 Cary, NC | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... ghart2 - 2005-09-23 5:49 PM The newest catch phrase I have heard is: the enterprise "The enterprise is turning in this direction and we need to help steer the ship" "This is the direction the enterprise is headed" Apparently I now work aboard the Star Trek Enterprise! You don't have to worry until your boss starts saying things like "Make it so, number one!" |
| 2005-09-23 7:25 PM in reply to: #252663 |
| Regular 77 Cary, NC | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... Sounds like everyone participating in this thread needs to let off some steam with Bullshit Bingo. Try it at your next meeting! I must say that I consider myself lucky to work in a smaller company with less corporatespeak than other places I worked. Still it does seep into the vernacular. My personal favorite is phrase "action item", as in "I'll take it as an action item". But that's as bad as it gets. Ok, let me go off-line to concentrate on a proactive approach toward my core competences and follow a milestone-based timeline of action items toward the delivery of an improved triathlete prototype for next week's deadline (a.k.a. Pinehurst Oly). Edited by MTBonker 2005-09-23 7:26 PM |
| 2005-09-23 7:47 PM in reply to: #252666 |
| The Original 7834 Raleigh/Durham | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... MTBonker - 2005-09-23 8:25 PM Sounds like everyone participating in this thread needs to let off some steam with Bullshit Bingo. Try it at your next meeting! I must say that I consider myself lucky to work in a smaller company with less corporatespeak than other places I worked. Still it does seep into the vernacular. My personal favorite is phrase "action item", as in "I'll take it as an action item". But that's as bad as it gets. Ok, let me go off-line to concentrate on a proactive approach toward my core competences and follow a milestone-based timeline of action items toward the delivery of an improved triathlete prototype for next week's deadline (a.k.a. Pinehurst Oly). I've played bullsh*# bingo with my last boss- it was a riot! She caught on though because we weren't too sneaky. When she would say ont he of the words we would all grin at each other and make a mark on our sheets. It was fun while it lasted |
| 2005-09-23 8:07 PM in reply to: #252511 |
| Master 1946 | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... Team Player (as in do it my way) WORK IN PROGRESS (as in we are screwing up big time , have no idea what we are doing or why but we 'll make it up as we go along) The gold standard is.......(everybody ELSE is doing it this way- and they MUST be right) ProActive - yes On the same page .... Skill Sets ( ARGH !) Edited by isis54 2005-09-23 8:09 PM |
| 2005-09-23 9:29 PM in reply to: #252511 |
| Elite 2661 DC Metro, slowly working my way to NC | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... Last place I was at, the two phrases that were beaten into the ground were: "Let's get our arms around this" (and then can I sue for inappropriate workplace behaviour??) and "At the end of the day..." (I will be drinking heavily...) |
| 2005-09-23 10:04 PM in reply to: #252511 |
| Veteran 187 Cleveland, OH | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... 30,000ft does in fact = "Big Picture" Sad thing is that I understand a lot of the things you all have mentioned. here are some that haven't: "The onus is on you..." "What are the take-aways?" "I have these action items listed..." |
| 2005-09-23 10:17 PM in reply to: #252511 |
| Champion 6285 Beautiful Sonoma County | Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/games/career/bin/ms.cgi You, too, can write like Opus! |
| 2005-09-23 11:57 PM in reply to: #252511 |
| Subject: RE: Annoying Corporate Sayings at Work.... I always wonder about words like "visibility". Who came up with that? I guess some dweeb just took it and ran with it. We should touch base some time and do lunch. Ta ta for now! I'm making myself puke |
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