FRIDAY FUNNIES
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COURT JESTER ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks, Troubled User
REPLY: Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0! WARNING! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck, Tech Support
---------------------------------------------------- Here are a few things to think about.......
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Can you cry under water? _____
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? _____
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? _____
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? _____
Why does a round pizza come in a square box? _____
What disease did cured ham actually have? _____
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? _____
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? _____
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? _____
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? _____
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? _____
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. _____
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural _____
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? _____
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? _____
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? _____
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? _____
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? _____
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! _____
If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? _____
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? _____
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? _____
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? _____
Why did you just try singing the two songs above? _____
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window? _____
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
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Elite ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() Puppy I'm beginning to look forward to your posts. Keep up the good work. |
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COURT JESTER ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() gullahcracker - 2006-02-03 7:28 AM Puppy I'm beginning to look forward to your posts. Keep up the good work. Thank you. And I'll thank my mom, sister and friends for keeping the funnies coming. |
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Resident Curmudgeon ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() |
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Expert ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() Bear you just got a hearty laugh out of me at the end of a very very hard week! Good one! |
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Extreme Veteran ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() Awesome! Keep the posts coming! |
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Pro ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() I was telling this at last night's chat.... A guy lost lots of money from the stock market. Depressed, he went to church for advice. The minister told him to take a bible, let the wind flip the pages, and follow the first words he sees. Those words of wisdom are God's advice of what the man should do. A year later, the man returned to the church driving a Lamborghini, and handed a hugh check to the minister to be donated to the church. The minister asked him what were the words he saw on the bible that had brought him such a furtune. The man replied, "Chapter 11". |