The Ironic "Things That Are Good To Know" Thread

Yo, no problem... ya wanna dead body in da trunk ta go wit dat?

-make sure you put your car in PARK when getting out of it otherwise you risk it reversing at a high speed and taking off the door (if left open)...

This is true. Another:

-2 people with bad car luck = 2 people risking being stranded without a vehicle

It's not the microphone you have to worry about, it's the gleaming, razor-sharp sissors. After beating you, he'll neuter you like you were a pound puppy.

It wasn't random. that's Oneword showing his age. 

-if your pee is neon yellow, don't be alarmed, you may be perfectly hydrated but taking a new kind of multivitamin

-if by accident you take your spouse's keys to work thinking: it's ok, she can take yours since both rings have both car keys, remember that you still have to be able to get into your respective offices 

-people who give delicious exotic choclates, baked goods and fine wine as thank you gifts are not trying to sabotage your eating habits, they are simply trying to be nice, and doing anything but eating it all, prefereably immediately, is rude.

Well at least you're cognizant of the fact old man. :)

Here's my contribution:

If you are changing a child's diaper,  it's a good idea to check if they had a lot of Elmo birthday cake with bright red frosting at the previous day's birthday party before assuming that they're suffering from massive internal bleeding and calling 911.

No, I didn't. My wife stopped me just in time.

Thank you.  I was starting to get worried after I added Vitamin E to my collection and started getting Mt Dew pee.

Along those lines, if you eat a lot of black licorice don't be alarmed when your poop turns green.

Uh...you go to sleep a happy man?

Or tons of salad for a couple of days...

And don't ever forget when you eat red beets.  You'll scare yourself into thinking you have a bleeding colon.

He's trained to dismember amateur hockey players with his bare hands.  Scissors, schmissors.

(Bob beats happy senseless.jpg)

So will Fruity Pebbles...turn your poop green, that is... 

If you fit into your wife's clothes, just go with it.