Apparently I don't exist

Situations can be complex and feelings raw. You exist and my condolences are with you.

My deepest condolences to you from another child that doesn't exist. My father and I didn't speak either, but no one, not my brother nor my grandmother thought to tell me he and my stepmother had died, I found 14 months after the accident by googling his name randomly and finding his obit, I wasn't named either.

You do exist and again hugs to you in this sad time.

You are defined by you.  Not by others that dont care.  I delt with this stuff as well, so I feel for you.  Remember, you control you and how you are to others around you.  Make a difference!

Wish you well, besides you are my triathlete sister!  What else could you want?

My family was similar and I am now learning about a nephew that is 18 and in the army that I never knew was born.  I married into a completely different family.

You do exist and are someone special!!!!

As beings seperate and independant from the whole of reality, none of us exist.

Family stuff hits us where it hurts the most ... especially tough and complicated when there's grief from a bereavement that you are suffering.

{{{MELON PRESS}}}

Bill's right ... you are who you are foremost because that's who you choose to be every day ... and who you are to those that love you the most. 

To us, you not only exist ... we couldn't exist, not nearly as whole and as well, without you.

Sorry to hear it. 

I've lived it.  Didnt speak to my dad for 9 years - his new wife wouldnt "let" him.  Whatever.

Sorry to hear, especially if you had a relationship with her.

You're not alone.

rayd - 2012-07-25 9:08 AM Sorry to hear that.  Seems most families have issues of some sort...I'll spare everyone mine.  You do exist. 

+1

So sorry for the shun, it sucks and is completely unnecessary. 

Very sorry for your loss, on all levels.

Family hurts are deep and hard to heal because they find ways to keep being revisited.  Wishing you peace.

Not trying to be negative, but looking at things from their (grandma, aunt, cousins) point of view...did they exist in your eyes?  Meaning, did you ever write/speak/contact them to let them know that you think of them and know they exist?  It is a two way street.

That said, I am terribly sorry for your loss.

 It's tough because you want to shut one person out, but keep the family ties.  I am in a very similar situation where I havent spoken w/ my bio in 18 years (except for two funerals, my grandfather's and step brother's).  Before that I went 6 - we tried to reconcile but I have a long story too.  I dont know your situation, but that side of my family understands my reasons and still talks with me.  How does your aunt feel about your decision?  does she know your side?  I assume she is the one who wrote the obit.  Maybe she feels you're the one who cut ties so they dont exist in your world.  I was still visiting my grandpa 3 days before he died so I had maintained our relationship.   Who knows, maybe your father was being bitter and didnt want to see your name.  or maybe someone thought it might make feel even worse than just losing his mom, but as a reminder he lost a daughter as well.

Are you going to the funeral?

Lani,

You do exist, and you control what you do and what you think.  You can be offended by not being listed in the obit, but it won't change a darn thing.  At least you found out. 

Since we are family, what are you cooking for dinner tonight!

Needs to be healthy, I am in training for IMKY.

I kinda like how Joss Whedon descirbes a family......

"I'm a believer in that, ... I am a great believer in found families and I'm not a great believer in blood. Although I love my family, even the ones I grew up with, to me I've always felt that the people who treated you with respect and included you in their lives were your family and the people who were related to you by blood might happen to be those people but that correlation was a lot less [strong] than society believes it is.”

Family is what one makes of it.    Sometimes its within one's control; sometimes it's not.    That's life.

You are 44?  You look awesome!

(Yep.  That's what I got from your post!)