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2012-05-01 8:30 AM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober
RushTogether - 2012-05-01 9:25 PM
TriAya - 2012-04-30 9:35 PM

FishrCutB8 - 2012-05-01 10:31 AM thank you for this thread. Just a shade over two years for me, and I still really need moments like this.

^^^^^ THIS is the guy who welcomed ME to BT and made me feel at home here!!!

{MELON PRESS} I utterly adore you.

And those of you who fear the sober life may be boring (believe me, I had that fear myself ... I thought I was going to wind up watching golf on TV, in an armchair knitting sweaters and drinking Diet Coke) ...

Should come visit me here in Bali.

WARNING: You may require other 12-Step programs and/or a sanitarium in order to recover from that.


Careful, might have to take you up on that.

 

My home is joyfully open to you and we have great meetings here.



2012-05-01 9:46 AM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober
TriAya - 2012-04-30 8:35 PM

And those of you who fear the sober life may be boring (believe me, I had that fear myself ... I thought I was going to wind up watching golf on TV, in an armchair knitting sweaters and drinking Diet Coke) ...QUOTE]


THIS IS MY FEAR EXACTLY!!

Yipee, I made it a week! Taught Spin this morning. Last week at this time, I was still drunk from the night before trying to get through the miserable class. I was so grateful I had students this morning after that debacle.

I do have to say, though, that I've had fleeting moments of, "I'm being so overdramatic and this is silly. I'm fine." Not that I want to run out and buy a bottle of wine, but my resolve seems to be lessening. That's a bit scary to me. So I am going to a meeting today on my lunch break.

It's funny how the conviction to change can fade after a few days, weeks of feeling good again. Must remember WHY I feel good and not go back!
2012-05-01 9:50 AM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober
As a brother to 2 alcoholics who died because of the disease and the son of a "social" drinker, I am so proud of you for taking the steps that my brothers and father never took.  Good luck to all of you!!!
2012-05-01 10:29 AM
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smarti - 2012-05-01 9:46 AM  It's funny how the conviction to change can fade after a few days, weeks of feeling good again. Must remember WHY I feel good and not go back!


Exactly....Cunning Baffling and Powerful.  If youre like me then that "oh, dude youre OK, have a drink..." voice wont ever completely go away.  But if you work at it you can pick up some tools that will tell it STFU.

Its important to know  why you feel good and be grateful for it.  I think it is also very, if not more, important to remember how crappy you felt before and why.  If you remember where you were physically, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and how bad it was before, you;ll be able to build some resolve against going right back.  The realization of just how screwed up I was before and how easily I could go back and then some is a big part of what helps me stay sober for now.

Day at a time!

2012-05-01 11:01 AM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober

smarti - 2012-05-01 10:46 PM
TriAya - 2012-04-30 8:35 PM And those of you who fear the sober life may be boring (believe me, I had that fear myself ... I thought I was going to wind up watching golf on TV, in an armchair knitting sweaters and drinking Diet Coke) ...
THIS IS MY FEAR EXACTLY!! Yipee, I made it a week! Taught Spin this morning. Last week at this time, I was still drunk from the night before trying to get through the miserable class. I was so grateful I had students this morning after that debacle. I do have to say, though, that I've had fleeting moments of, "I'm being so overdramatic and this is silly. I'm fine." Not that I want to run out and buy a bottle of wine, but my resolve seems to be lessening. That's a bit scary to me. So I am going to a meeting today on my lunch break. It's funny how the conviction to change can fade after a few days, weeks of feeling good again. Must remember WHY I feel good and not go back!

I'm very happy to hear you are doing well, congratulations on your day!

Heh, your thoughts are another reason we do it "one day at a time" (and that one way or another most of us need a daily reminder) ... one reason after 9 years that I still go to meetings is that after a few days without, the "You overreacted, you're fine" starts getting louder than my very short memories of what life pre-9 yrs ago was like.

Trust me ... sober alcoholics are some of the most interesting, active, chasing-dreams, colorful people you will ever meet. And that would be you, if you are and wish it to be so

My life, except for my internal chaos, was hideously boring DRUNK. It pretty much boiled down to drink, get drunk, drunk wears off, hangover, anxiety/fear/panic, drink, rinse, repeat.

2012-05-01 11:11 AM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober
ChicagoMan65 - 2012-05-01 11:29 AM

smarti - 2012-05-01 9:46 AM  It's funny how the conviction to change can fade after a few days, weeks of feeling good again. Must remember WHY I feel good and not go back!


Exactly....Cunning Baffling and Powerful.  If youre like me then that "oh, dude youre OK, have a drink..." voice wont ever completely go away.  But if you work at it you can pick up some tools that will tell it STFU.

If you're like me it will go away completely. Well, so far anyway, but I've only be at it for 30 years.



2012-05-01 2:51 PM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober

 

If you're like me it will go away completely. Well, so far anyway, but I've only be at it for 30 years.

 

Same result here, 21 years now.  It was the result of a spiritual awakening and a reliance on a God of my understanding.  I still go to meeting and stay active in service work. Also meet with my sponsor once a week over lunch. Where we have time to really talk.  

I've sen people with long tern sobriety drink again. The one thing they all had in common....they stopped doing what was working.  And the voice in their head said, "you can have just one". 



Edited by halfmarathondon 2012-05-01 2:52 PM
2012-05-01 3:06 PM
in reply to: #4184392

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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober
reminds me of one of my favorite phrases that I've learned in the program:

"Don't let the good life AA gave you keep you away from AA".


Life gets good because we do the work and other things that we're supposed to in order to protect our sobriety.
Complacency undoes all of that, and paves the road back to that first drink.
2012-05-01 3:10 PM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober
Yep, I like to say "Put as much effort into staying sober as you did getting drunk"..
2012-05-01 6:18 PM
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Went to a meeting at lunch today, felt good as always.

 

Stopped at my local sports bar on my way home for dinner.  A cheeseburger and 2 waters later, Now I am home..I wanted to know that I can still go back to places I used to and still have fun

 

Another good day.



Edited by RushTogether 2012-05-01 6:19 PM
2012-05-01 6:48 PM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober
RushTogether - 2012-05-01 7:18 PM

Went to a meeting at lunch today, felt good as always.

 

Stopped at my local sports bar on my way home for dinner.  A cheeseburger and 2 waters later, Now I am home..I wanted to know that I can still go back to places I used to and still have fun

 

Another good day.



Just a thought... but you may want to limit that sort of thing.
The LAST thing your brain needs is familiarity and comfort with places you used to drink in.


2012-05-01 6:53 PM
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cgregg - 2012-05-01 6:48 PM
RushTogether - 2012-05-01 7:18 PM

Went to a meeting at lunch today, felt good as always.

 

Stopped at my local sports bar on my way home for dinner.  A cheeseburger and 2 waters later, Now I am home..I wanted to know that I can still go back to places I used to and still have fun

 

Another good day.

Just a thought... but you may want to limit that sort of thing. The LAST thing your brain needs is familiarity and comfort with places you used to drink in.

 

The more I think about that, the more I think you're right.  Was it foolish? idk.  I mainly went to see friends of mine that were there, but maybe I should have rethought

2012-05-01 8:20 PM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober
Early on in sobriety, it's probably best to avoid "wet" places entirely, but there are ways to handle it if you "must" go.


1. Try to avoid it if you can. If the friends are real friends, they'll understand. If they're just drinking buddies, you won't be missed - trust me. I've been sober almost 6 years and I've yet to get even as much as a phone call from a single person that I ever drank with.
2. If you must go, ALWAYS have an exit strategy.... if that means pre-planning a made up excuse to leave, so be it.
3. If you feel even the slightest bit antsy or even briefly think of having a drink, just excuse yourself and get out of there.... call it an early night, tell 'em you gotta train early, whatever.
4. Have the number(s) of sober people you can call and talk to handy - in your phone or in your wallet, whatever... and use them.


As time goes on, it won't be as dangerous for you as you'll have more tools to work with, but early on, your best defense is to not even put yourself in a position to have to worry about it.
2012-05-01 8:51 PM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober
RushTogether - 2012-05-01 6:53 PM
cgregg - 2012-05-01 6:48 PM
RushTogether - 2012-05-01 7:18 PM

Went to a meeting at lunch today, felt good as always.

 

Stopped at my local sports bar on my way home for dinner.  A cheeseburger and 2 waters later, Now I am home..I wanted to know that I can still go back to places I used to and still have fun

 

Another good day.

Just a thought... but you may want to limit that sort of thing. The LAST thing your brain needs is familiarity and comfort with places you used to drink in.

 

The more I think about that, the more I think you're right.  Was it foolish? idk.  I mainly went to see friends of mine that were there, but maybe I should have rethought

Foolish?  Not necessarily.  It might be worth thinking why you liked the place to begin with....Was it because you had fun there while you were drinking?  Can you think of any other times you were there that you had fun that didn't involve alcohol?  If not, then think of it as a farewell to this place, and a hello to a new beginning!  

I am proud of you for sticking to it and being able to just have your food and then leave.  Good for you, shows how strong you are, but we all know that anyway!!! 

2012-05-01 10:33 PM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober
smarti - 2012-05-01 I do have to say, though, that I've had fleeting moments of, "I'm being so overdramatic and this is silly. I'm fine." Not that I want to run out and buy a bottle of wine, but my resolve seems to be lessening. That's a bit scary to me. So I am going to a meeting today on my lunch break.It's funny how the conviction to change can fade after a few days, weeks of feeling good again. Must remember WHY I feel good and not go back!
Fist off I used the "being over dramatic and this is silly" lie for years.. No you are not and no it is not. How is having a life that you can remember and be proud of silly? Second, good job! Keep up the fight
2012-05-02 5:25 AM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober
I've been following this thread since it was started, and wanted just to say thank you to everyone for such a great place of sharing, inspiration, guidance and support. 


2012-05-02 9:21 AM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober
RushTogether - 2012-05-01 6:53 PM
cgregg - 2012-05-01 6:48 PM
RushTogether - 2012-05-01 7:18 PM

...... but maybe I should have rethought

Good idea!

 Just in case it hasn't been suggested to you yet.  Change your playpens and your playpals. Don't hang out at the places you use to drink. Instead, make new friends in AA.



Edited by halfmarathondon 2012-05-02 9:22 AM
2012-05-02 9:34 AM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober
When I was  drinker, I thought the majority of the world were also drinkers... when I quit I was amazed at how many non-drinkers there were out there!!  I used to think of them as being so goody two-shoes, ha ha!  Now I'm one of them, and I'm as crazy as I ever was. 
2012-05-02 11:21 AM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober
I'm feeling very confused and somewhat frustrated today. I am kind of a black-and-white/either-or person, so I think the fact that I can't put a label on myself with this is irritating me.

What I mean is, I can't tell if I am an in-denial alcoholic still in the negotiating phase, or a person who just really needed a kick in the pants to make some changes and find some balance.

So, I've been to a couple AA meetings now, and I am just not sure where I am with that. Yesterday was difficult mentally. I do not feel comfortable identifying as an alcoholic, although I recognize that many of my behaviors around alcohol have been unheatlhy. I know there are people who have gone through periods of time where they abuse or overuse alcohol but then find the balance and have a normal relationship with drinking. I still think I am in that group. So I feel a little lost.

Last week, after making the decision to stop drinking for awhile and to try AA meetings to support that decision, I felt pretty good. I liked the first meeting. But at yesterday's meeting, I felt out of place. First of all, it was not a very welcoming group. It was a closed meeting, and the leader said that the only requirement to being there was a desire to stop drinking. Okay, I fit that criteria. But when everyone went around the room to introduce themselves, I simply said, "I'm Marti." Not, "I'm Marti and I'm an alcoholic." Well, holy Jesus, you would have thought I was an Al Qaeda spy! One lady actually got out of her seat, crossed the room, and sat next to me to question my drinking habits. Two others commented on my presence in their shares.

But that weirdness aside (I know every meeting has it's own personality), I also didn't identify with much of what was said. However, I am going to stick with the not-drinking thing for awhile longer and try some different meetings, but I worry that I am a fraud. I don't want to stop drinking -- I want to stop drinking like I was! So does sitting in an AA meeting make me a liar? And am I abusing their kindness?

I know I'm not making sense ... that's just what's going through my head today.
2012-05-02 11:24 AM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober

smarti - 2012-05-02 11:21 AM

I don't want to stop drinking -- I want to stop drinking like I was! So does sitting in an AA meeting make me a liar? And am I abusing their kindness? I know I'm not making sense ... that's just what's going through my head today.

It makes a lot of sense. I think a lot of people are in those same shoes. I don't know the answer.

2012-05-02 12:24 PM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober
smarti - 2012-05-02 12:21 PM

I'm feeling very confused and somewhat frustrated today. I am kind of a black-and-white/either-or person, so I think the fact that I can't put a label on myself with this is irritating me.

What I mean is, I can't tell if I am an in-denial alcoholic still in the negotiating phase, or a person who just really needed a kick in the pants to make some changes and find some balance.

So, I've been to a couple AA meetings now, and I am just not sure where I am with that. Yesterday was difficult mentally. I do not feel comfortable identifying as an alcoholic, although I recognize that many of my behaviors around alcohol have been unheatlhy. I know there are people who have gone through periods of time where they abuse or overuse alcohol but then find the balance and have a normal relationship with drinking. I still think I am in that group. So I feel a little lost.


Not all alcoholics were/are every day drinkers, and not all heavy drinkers are alcoholics.
The difference lies in what happens to you and your mind/brain when you take that first drink.
If you're happier sober, though... then perhaps just dispense with all the labels and such and just stick with it because you're finding life more enjoyable this way?


As for the people at yesterday's meeting... oy! Sadly, that sort of thing happens. A lot of it is people just wanting to "save" you and be helpful, so try not to take offense. As for identifying - not much I can say there except that you won't necessarily identify with everyone you hear... especially if they put you off at the start of things like that.

All of that being what it is, going off of your quote just below this, you should avoid the Closed meetings until you are ready to leave the "like I was" part off of the sentence. I'm not saying that in any judgemental way or anything like that, just with pure honesty. The Closed meeting are for the people that have no reservations at all about it. Personally, I go to nothing but Open meetings, anyway... they always seem to be larger and livlier and I enjoy them more.



I don't want to stop drinking -- I want to stop drinking like I was!


I was first introduced to AA around 1992. I went through a 6-week rehab and had a period of exceptional happiness before going back to drinking in '93. I finally got sober in 2006.

In between, I knew that I had to stop drinking like I was, and often wondered how I could ever be as happy as I was back in the days after rehab, but I didn't want to give it up. I wasn't ready to. It took me all those years of trying different ways of drinking, etc.. to finally realize that I wasn't ever going to be able to drink like a "normal" person and that my only actual choices were to keep going deeper down the drain, or finally accept that *I* cannot make it work, that I'll *never* be able to safely drink like a "normal" person and that I need to just give it up completely. That was when I finally quit fighting it, surrendered and started breathing easy. Today, I am every bit as happy as I ever was after rehab, and the reason is that I quit trying all of the different ways that won't work for me and I'm finally sober, again.

This is what you have to figure out for yourself, and unfortuantely, there is no way to do it but to go through it.
I don't like what I did, who I was, or where it took me... but every last drop from the bottle, action I did, step I took, and blackout I cannot recall was required for me to become who I am today and be where I am in life today, and I am grateful for every last bit of it today.
Your journey may not take you that long, that far down, or even onto the same path, but it IS something that you'll have to figure out on your own. Either you will find that you're able to drink "normally", or you'll find that the path you're on right now is where you need to be and it's at that point that you'll finally be ready to walk the path without reservation.

So does sitting in an AA meeting make me a liar? And am I abusing their kindness?

I know I'm not making sense ... that's just what's going through my head today.


You make perfect sense. You have reservations about all of it and it's completely normal... you're being faced with giving up something that you've historically enjoyed & loved and are likely wondering if you'll still be you without it, etc... You probably have a few connotations in your mind of what "alcoholic" means, and you don't want to be one of "them". I know it, I'd been there myself and I think it's a perfectly normal part of things.

Lastly, no - it does not make you a liar, nor have you been abusing anyone's kindness. You are there to find out about yourself, to help yourself, just as every one of them is.... you're just at the part of the journey where you have to figure out which path is right for you - and that is a choice that only you can make for yourself.

My only advice is this: Should you choose the path that takes you drinking again, drop some breadcrumbs so you can be sure to find your way back to this path if you need it - just in case


Remember: If you find yourself wanting to try to "control" your drinking, then - by definition - your drinking is already out of control.
Nobody wastes time, effort and energy trying to control something that's doesn't need to be kept in check.

Hopefully some of the others will chime in shortly as well. Whatever path you take, we'll be here holding a chair open for ya

Edited by cgregg 2012-05-02 12:28 PM


2012-05-02 12:44 PM
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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober

smarti - 2012-05-03 12:21 AM I'm feeling very confused and somewhat frustrated today. I am kind of a black-and-white/either-or person, so I think the fact that I can't put a label on myself with this is irritating me. What I mean is, I can't tell if I am an in-denial alcoholic still in the negotiating phase, or a person who just really needed a kick in the pants to make some changes and find some balance. So, I've been to a couple AA meetings now, and I am just not sure where I am with that. Yesterday was difficult mentally. I do not feel comfortable identifying as an alcoholic, although I recognize that many of my behaviors around alcohol have been unheatlhy. I know there are people who have gone through periods of time where they abuse or overuse alcohol but then find the balance and have a normal relationship with drinking. I still think I am in that group. So I feel a little lost. Last week, after making the decision to stop drinking for awhile and to try AA meetings to support that decision, I felt pretty good. I liked the first meeting. But at yesterday's meeting, I felt out of place. First of all, it was not a very welcoming group. It was a closed meeting, and the leader said that the only requirement to being there was a desire to stop drinking. Okay, I fit that criteria. But when everyone went around the room to introduce themselves, I simply said, "I'm Marti." Not, "I'm Marti and I'm an alcoholic." Well, holy Jesus, you would have thought I was an Al Qaeda spy! One lady actually got out of her seat, crossed the room, and sat next to me to question my drinking habits. Two others commented on my presence in their shares. But that weirdness aside (I know every meeting has it's own personality), I also didn't identify with much of what was said. However, I am going to stick with the not-drinking thing for awhile longer and try some different meetings, but I worry that I am a fraud. I don't want to stop drinking -- I want to stop drinking like I was! So does sitting in an AA meeting make me a liar? And am I abusing their kindness? I know I'm not making sense ... that's just what's going through my head today.

Thank you for not letting one group of idiots scare you off. (I may be too hastily judging, but whatever).

When I first came to AA, I had no idea what my core problem was (I thought it was mostly that I was just plain crazy and was using alcohol and other addictive behaviors to self medicate). But I could identify with many of the same habits and feelings that people shared about. I also, introduced myself as "Yanti" and soon thereafter, "Yanti, I don't want to drink." That did not please some of the AA zealots at closed meetings and yeah, I had people make snide remarks about how I identified myself.

But I'm not there to get them sober or react to them, and in every community, there are people I'm not gonna get along with. I was there because I did not want to live the way I had been living, and I was beginning to suspect alcohol had something to do with it (what, I wasn't sure, and I certainly wasn't sure I was an alcoholic). And the overwhelming majority of people in AA were very kind to me and went out of their way to make me feel welcome.

I'd encourage you to get a copy of the Big Book (the title is just Alcoholics Anonymous). Get one of the fat ones, because those are the ones with the individual stories at the end. When I was first getting sober, I could really relate to those. Not so much the archaic prose of the main text, although I did find it oddly thrilling as the biography of the founder and history of a very great movement.

However, the main text does talk about different kinds of drinkers, for example, the kind that are very hard drinkers (and look an awful lot like alcoholics), but if they have sufficient reason (want to change life, health crisis, etc), though even with some considerable difficulty, they can quit. You may be one of those. I think AA is a good place to find out and to get support while you do. It also talks about trying some controlled drinking to find out whether you're an alcoholic (and to try it more than once).

So those are just my rambling thoughts ... I thought you made perfect sense, sorry if I didn't!

2012-05-02 12:51 PM
in reply to: #4186137

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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober

smarti - 2012-05-02 11:21 AM I'm feeling very confused and somewhat frustrated today. I am kind of a black-and-white/either-or person, so I think the fact that I can't put a label on myself with this is irritating me. What I mean is, I can't tell if I am an in-denial alcoholic still in the negotiating phase, or a person who just really needed a kick in the pants to make some changes and find some balance. So, I've been to a couple AA meetings now, and I am just not sure where I am with that. Yesterday was difficult mentally. I do not feel comfortable identifying as an alcoholic, although I recognize that many of my behaviors around alcohol have been unheatlhy. I know there are people who have gone through periods of time where they abuse or overuse alcohol but then find the balance and have a normal relationship with drinking. I still think I am in that group. So I feel a little lost. Last week, after making the decision to stop drinking for awhile and to try AA meetings to support that decision, I felt pretty good. I liked the first meeting. But at yesterday's meeting, I felt out of place. First of all, it was not a very welcoming group. It was a closed meeting, and the leader said that the only requirement to being there was a desire to stop drinking. Okay, I fit that criteria. But when everyone went around the room to introduce themselves, I simply said, "I'm Marti." Not, "I'm Marti and I'm an alcoholic." Well, holy Jesus, you would have thought I was an Al Qaeda spy! One lady actually got out of her seat, crossed the room, and sat next to me to question my drinking habits. Two others commented on my presence in their shares. But that weirdness aside (I know every meeting has it's own personality), I also didn't identify with much of what was said. However, I am going to stick with the not-drinking thing for awhile longer and try some different meetings, but I worry that I am a fraud. I don't want to stop drinking -- I want to stop drinking like I was! So does sitting in an AA meeting make me a liar? And am I abusing their kindness? I know I'm not making sense ... that's just what's going through my head today.

First off, don't feel abnormal about being apprehensive about the meetings.  This is typical, and it can often be awkward at first.  Don't feel pressured to talk.  Just politely tell them you are there to listen and pass.  

It is an interesting dilemma to "label" an alcoholic.  I used to think it was someone who needed a drink in the morning just to get going and not have the shakes, etc.  NOT TRUE.  I finally had to accept the label when I realized that I was using it as a crutch to not deal emotionally with what was going on around me.  "Oh, I had such a stressful day, I need a glass of wine to relax."  One turned into two, two into three, and before I knew it the entire bottle was gone.  

The truth of the matter is, I wasn't escaping anything.  I was creating more problems for myself.  It took me a long time after becoming sober to even comprehend the reality of my situation.  To absorb the consequences of what I had done while drinking...the poor decisions I had made, the people I had hurt, the unbelievable actions that I had justified at the time.  

The sober me didn't want to accept the responsibility of what I was doing.  That is when I had to realize that "alcoholic" isn't a dirty word.  Finally telling myself that I was gave me a sense of control that I had never felt before.  I can do nothing about my past transgressions, but I can do something about my future. 

Yeah, I mourned.  I found myself lying on the floor in fetal position crying wallowing in self pity.  I am not a warm, fuzzy, unicorns and bunnies and everything will be alright kind of person.  I was lying on that floor mourning the fact that I couldn't hide behind the alcohol anymore.  I was mourning the things I had done when I was most out of control, which included jail at one time.  I was mourning the fact that I am now labeled.  

So, I picked myself up off that floor, because the view is not a pleasing one, and am now living second by second.  Sobriety isn't something that happens quickly, and sometimes the realization of one's limitations takes time to come to terms with.  Especially a term like alcoholic.  It's OK!   

2012-05-02 12:52 PM
in reply to: #4186137

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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober

smarti - 2012-05-02 12:21 PM

 I do not feel comfortable identifying as an alcoholic, although I recognize that many of my behaviors around alcohol have been unheatlhy. I know there are people who have gone through periods of time where they abuse or overuse alcohol but then find the balance and have a normal relationship with drinking. I still think I am in that group.

Have you bought a Big Book yet? Get one. Read it. Especially chapter three, and in particular a paragraph that starts at the bottom of page 31.

2012-05-02 1:02 PM
in reply to: #4186398

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Subject: RE: Becoming Sober
ecozenmama - 2012-05-02 1:51 PM

That is when I had to realize that "alcoholic" isn't a dirty word.  



Oh my gosh, no!
It was amazing how refreshing it was when I first accepted it. It was like, *finally* I know what the hell is wrong with me and now that I know, I can actually, finally do something about it! It was a relief.


x3 on getting a copy of the Big Book.
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