The "No Kids Club" (Page 12)

Not to bring this thread down, but I came out of an abusive household and feel entitled to argue that point.

I clearly remember the purple bruises on my 3 year old bottom when my mother put me in an ice bath after my father whipped me with a leather belt. Earliest memory I have. It went on for years. I was 21 the last time my father struck me.

Everything I do in my life is up to me.

My childhood wasn't ideal, but it is over. It ended a long time ago. I am an adult and I get to decide who I am and what kind of person I will be. I am accountable for who I am; I won't shift blame to others or hold tightly to resentments. It only holds me back and makes me small. My father got to control me to an extent, but he lost ultimate control when I was 7 and developed critical thinking skills. It was then that I realized he was the problem and not me. From then on, I protected my mental well-being and prepared myself for the day I would leave my home and be free of his irrational raging. As an adult, I was more of a parent to him than he was to me when I was a child. That's the way I'm wired - I have strong parenting instincts. And I am loving to the point of what some might consider folly. That isn't wiring - that is choice. Deliberate, conscious, hard fought for choice. Love is a deliberate act, a choice.

But back to my point - no it wasn't acquiescence on my father's part. It was acquiescence on my mother's part. It was also the case of children brought into the world for what some might consider the wrong reasons (gender roulette). And despite my father's questionable motivation, I am grateful for my siblings. I love them dearly, just as I love their beautiful children.

You have kids, you roll the dice. You try to be the best parent you can. Some people's best is excruciatingly wanting. Some people are boundlessly loving and nurturing. Most are somewhere in between. In the end, the child gets to decide who they will be.

Have kids, don't have kids, I don't care. But to argue that kids are a problem or to suggest that kids brought into this world due to acquiescence is sad ... I am deaf to that kind of thinking. Life is beautiful and children are beautiful and adults are beautiful. We're all broken in some way; that's life. Let's get on with it.

WAITAMINUTE, YOU LIAR!!!  CODY-BEAR IS YOUR BABY!!!  HOW CAN YOU FORGET HER??

btw, I will politely take exception to your quoting me that I said "kids are a problem."  If I gave that impression, I apologize.  I've always said the bad parents are the problem.  I don't believe in "original sin."  I believe children are the ultimate picture of innocence. 

Ryan, I think most (almost all) in this discussion are in the very reasonable zone. I understand your choice and feel like you have thought about it. It's a better choice than having kids when you secretly don't want them! (which occurs for sure)

Having kids is complex (or not having them is too), personal.

I love my kids more than I ever I thought I could. But that's me and I don't judge anyone in any way for thinking differently on the 'having kids' issue.

See you at Musselman

I know of two IUD failures as well (one is a result; the other is the person whose IUD failed).

It's not that uncommon, I mean out of 100 people, you'll get...one or two, statistically speaking?

I know of two IUD failures as well (one is a result; the other is the person whose IUD failed).

It's not that uncommon, I mean out of 100 people, you'll get...one or two, statistically speaking?

I think it is a lot more uncommon than that.  I wouldn't know where to find those statistic, but i'm sure accidents happen when a couple just rely on one person to be the one taking precautions.  If you are absolutely sure that you dont want to get pregnant,  you take the responsible approach and both take precautions to prevent that from happening.  I'm sure that the 2% failure rate of condoms would be covered by that....Unless we are talking about superman sperm

Well now you do.  I got pregnant using an IUD

This statement seems completely incongruous to me. Kids, especially young kids, are the purest form humans can take.

That's a subjective feeling you have.  Your use of the word purity doesn't really apply to my reasoning for why I don't like kids.  Loving humanity does not mean loving all humans. 

In a whole different level of thought and discussion, the chances of "you" being "you" are highly not probable, whether in the way one thinks of a "soul" or identity, determined by "uniqueness".
Okay, discussion is getting askewed.

Renee, please understand that I'm not trying to attack your point of view, but instead am trying to undertand it and have a conversation.

Are there individual people in the world that you do not like?  Have met someone who for some reason annoyed you and left you feeling like you just wanted to get away from them?  If not, then you're truly a wonderful person for being so understand and accepting of others.

I love people/humanity, but there have been plenty of people I've met who I dislike for various reasons.  Kids, due to the traits that I've mentioned before, generally fall into that category.  They're little humans who are usually very annoying and whom I have nothing in common with.  I have met kids that I like, but they're a rare exception. 

Mistanthropes, by definition hate all people/humanity, not specific individuals for whom there is a reason for the dislike. 

That's an interesting take. I believe just the opposite - if my mother didn't birth me, I wouldn't exist. Not anywhere. I am who I am because my mother birthed me.

Would I be okay with not existing? There would be no "I" that could consider the question of my lack of existence! Que sera, sera.

So, Dan, why do you believe you would still be around even if your mother hadn't birthed you? Asking merely out of curiosity. I hadn't heard this perspective before.

Seems to me with these two things it is more a matter of a chip on your shoulder.  Most of the parents here I have seen have said if you choose not to have kids that is your choice.  Just because someone asks you why you do something does not mean they are judging you for it.  I have been in both camps at different points in my life and they were my choice.

wow... harsh words... I think you could have expressed your feeling in a lighter manner

Renee:
I believe that we are all part of the universe energy.  A collection if you will.  Simplistically, we are put in a 'queue'  So when it's your turn to be born, then you are the 'next available'.  Parents are just the conduit.

are you sure about that?

how do you know what you're giving up? you've never had it to experience, where as us who have chosen to have kids, to a point, are aware of what we're giving up? I've had the free time, slept in, drank my beers (and I still get to do all those things if I want)...

some of you childless by choice types are extremely defensive and harsh for no reason...