Am I being unreasonable

Champion

5495

Whizzzzzlandia

Silver member

Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable

I have to agree with the other wise women on this board... mehaner, TriToy, TJ, Kelly....

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. I can't tell you what. I don't know, from what little I know of your relationship, what is actually going wrong here, but I can tell you for certain that my gut doesn't like this situation or his answers.

I know (simply from knowing you from years here on BT) that you were planning to get engaged at some point and have been looking at rings. It would seem to me that an imminent wedding would mean that one of the two of you would have to move soonish. To be married. To be together.

Either you'd be going to where-ever he is and you'd see the kids all the time whether you wanted to or not; or he'd move to FL to be with you... and potentially leave the kids where-ever he is? Or bring at least the 18 year old with him? But he can't move... so you'd wind up going where he is and potentially living with the kids, at least some of the time, because you'd be living together as a married couple and the 18 year old lives WITH him and the 12 year old visits.

I don't know, Sue. I'm thinking that you're not being unreasonable. However, I'm not sure what the end game is to this relationship. It sounds like it's fun to visit each other and it's fun to be together sometimes, but it also sounds like circumstances might not allow this relationship to go much further... plus do you REALLY want to be all tied up with a woman that requires a RESTRAINING ORDER? That's an awful lot of drama. Way too much drama! Save the drama for yo mamma!

Good Luck, girlfriend. xo

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Champion

10471

Dallas, TX

Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable

Whizzzzz - 2012-12-18 4:54 PM

I have to agree with the other wise women on this board... mehaner, TriToy, TJ, Kelly....

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. I can't tell you what. I don't know, from what little I know of your relationship, what is actually going wrong here, but I can tell you for certain that my gut doesn't like this situation or his answers.

I know (simply from knowing you from years here on BT) that you were planning to get engaged at some point and have been looking at rings. It would seem to me that an imminent wedding would mean that one of the two of you would have to move soonish. To be married. To be together.

Either you'd be going to where-ever he is and you'd see the kids all the time whether you wanted to or not; or he'd move to FL to be with you... and potentially leave the kids where-ever he is? Or bring at least the 18 year old with him? But he can't move... so you'd wind up going where he is and potentially living with the kids, at least some of the time, because you'd be living together as a married couple and the 18 year old lives WITH him and the 12 year old visits.

I don't know, Sue. I'm thinking that you're not being unreasonable. However, I'm not sure what the end game is to this relationship. It sounds like it's fun to visit each other and it's fun to be together sometimes, but it also sounds like circumstances might not allow this relationship to go much further... plus do you REALLY want to be all tied up with a woman that requires a RESTRAINING ORDER? That's an awful lot of drama. Way too much drama! Save the drama for yo mamma!

Good Luck, girlfriend. xo

I agree with what Whizzzz said. Really take a step back and analyze how this is all going to work out. You can't live where he is, he can't live where you are... for 6 years. How were you two going to be married soon and live together? Unless you two are OK living apart for 6 more years. ???? Which you might be. ????

Otherwise, something doesn't seem "right". And the whole ex wife situation... a restraining order is nuts. Hard to say if she's going to behave any better if you two get married. If she's nuts about you two dating... and you haven't met the kids (which she seems pretty protective of- or at least uses the 12 year old as pawn in her fight). What happens when you do meet the kids? When the 12 year old comes home to tell his mom how awesome the new girlfriend is (what else would be said? You are a Dr., an Ironman, beautiful, kind and caring, ETC!). It's possible that it might get even uglier.

I know in life, there have been times, when I had to make decisions that I knew were the right decision, but they hurt deeply. I cried, and was depressed, but I also knew I was making the right decision for me. Then I dusted myself off, dried my eyes, and moved on.

Good luck in whatever you decide is best for you.

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Sensei

Sin City

Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable

I know I'm against the whol long distance thing in the first place but I realize it works for SOME peopel. But I would never have let it get this far...

There are WAY too many deal breakers from the get go for a long term relationship to me. Maybe some side action, but for a relationship, I'm not ever going to deal with wacko ex's with restraining orders, long distance, or kids...

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Expert

1258

Marin County, California

Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable

His 18 year old, who you have not met, lives with him...have you never been to your BF's home??

Something just smells wrong.

Perhaps your BF is really not ready for a serious relationship? Maybe he is using his children as an excuse to not move forward with you?

Or maybe he is not as he seems.

Veteran

566

Boise, ID

Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable

As most might agree, this may not be the best place for advice but having had a very nasty ex-wife many years ago.....GET OUT and GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously.....sorry to be so blunt but I can't see how this relationship can be worth it. You are in for years of heartache.

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Am I being unreasonable (Page 2)

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