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Bad Children, Bad Parents (Page 2)
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 2007-01-16 2:35 PM in reply to: #656689 |
Giver  18427     |  Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents |
| 2007-01-16 2:35 PM in reply to: #656493 |
Pro 3673  MAC-opolis | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents runningwoof - 2007-01-16 1:50 PM Yesterday I was in a store. The woman in front of me had four children. One was in infant and was in the cart...the others were from ages 7ish to 3ish. The other 3 were running around, climing on displays, jumping on a counter of an unopened checkout. The mother didn't seem to care. She was talking to the checkout person, and then she noticed that the rest of the line was looking at her with utter amazement. She turned to the clerk and said, people always give me the strangest look, when my kids are acting up. I almost screamed...We aren't looking at you because your kids are acting up...we are looking at you to stop them. I don't like kids...I know that...I have been run over, hit and kicked...none of it on purpose, from kids who their parents didn't seem to control or discipline their children. If I was 3 and jumping on a counter in a store...(one lady behind me, even tried to tell the little boy that he was going to fall and hurt himself) I would have been grounded for years. These children were terrors. I didn't say anything to the clerk, but I was curious why she didn't say anything to the mother. What do you think? Am I over reacting because I don't like kids? Why didn't you say anything? Probably for the same reason the clerk didn't.
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| 2007-01-16 2:40 PM in reply to: #656697 |
molto veloce mama 9311 | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents thanks jim. before you think about it too much, its actually spelled broccoli. |
| 2007-01-16 2:42 PM in reply to: #656706 |
Giver 18427 | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents autumn - 2007-01-16 3:40 PM thanks jim. before you think about it too much, its actually spelled broccoli. I was looking at the forrest, not the trees. |
| 2007-01-16 2:52 PM in reply to: #656695 |
molto veloce mama 9311 | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents SuzanneS - 2007-01-16 2:34 PM Discipline, even for the youngest doesn't have to mean spanking if that's not your thing. Consistency is more important. I know of many children who are well behaved and many that aren't. The well behaved kids are happier and, for the most part, get more attention from their parents. They don't have to act up to get noticed. hmmmm.....
absolutely. we don't spank, as a rule. fi recently had her first poser spanking, and then her first real spanking, for a very inappropriate behavoir we had to nip in the bud (see my posts about her art instalments under the name 'shitcaso'). ella has never had a spanking. we talk, a LOT, about everything that happens. we don't take a 'do it because i said so' attitude with our kids, because it just doesn't work with them. once they understand the why and how of things, they behave. once they feel valued, and a part of things, they behave. another element is whether the parents accept such behavior. i don't drive. my friends who do drive will often times pick up a screaming kid and run them to the car. they flee the scene if something bad happens, and there is no discussion afterwards other than 'why did you do that!?'. with my kids, i have no choice but to talk to them before, during, and after an outing as to what i expect of them, what the ground rules are, etc. if you have an easy escape in the car, it makes dealing with problems fairly easy. if you have to walk to the bus, ride the bus, and walk home from there....or bike w/ that child in the burley...you need a calm, obedient child. anything less puts you both at risk. its not enough to say 'behave'...they need to understand the parameters. you'd be surprised how well they do if you give them the chance. ps. disclaimer - my girls are by no means angels. see the 'shitcaso' reference above, or come over when ella is having one of her 'life isn't fair' moments. however, they do pretty well, in general.  |
| 2007-01-16 2:56 PM in reply to: #656698 |
Elite 3519 San Jose, CA | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents The Mac - 2007-01-16 12:35 PM runningwoof - 2007-01-16 1:50 PM Yesterday I was in a store. The woman in front of me had four children. One was in infant and was in the cart...the others were from ages 7ish to 3ish. The other 3 were running around, climing on displays, jumping on a counter of an unopened checkout. The mother didn't seem to care. She was talking to the checkout person, and then she noticed that the rest of the line was looking at her with utter amazement. She turned to the clerk and said, people always give me the strangest look, when my kids are acting up. I almost screamed...We aren't looking at you because your kids are acting up...we are looking at you to stop them. I don't like kids...I know that...I have been run over, hit and kicked...none of it on purpose, from kids who their parents didn't seem to control or discipline their children. If I was 3 and jumping on a counter in a store...(one lady behind me, even tried to tell the little boy that he was going to fall and hurt himself) I would have been grounded for years. These children were terrors. I didn't say anything to the clerk, but I was curious why she didn't say anything to the mother. What do you think? Am I over reacting because I don't like kids? Why didn't you say anything? Probably for the same reason the clerk didn't.
I actually think that its the clerks responsibility to say something...and the people behind me were already saying something to the kids...When I worked at the Y and we had unruley kids...you bet I said something to the parents...It was a liability if I didn't. |
| 2007-01-16 3:00 PM in reply to: #656493 |
Champion 6962 Atlanta, Ga | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents autumn...how DARE you incenuate that kids have brains and could possibly fathom right from wrong! I'm shocked... |
 2007-01-16 3:02 PM in reply to: #656689 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2007-01-16 3:03 PM in reply to: #656570 |
| Expert 936 Springfield, MO | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents vortmax - 2007-01-16 1:33 PM what do you want her to do? Tell her kids no? That only serves to stifle their creativitiy and injure their self esteem. We can't risk our kid's fragile mental health with discipline can we? They were probably particularly bad because of all the pent up energy. I mean, where else are they going to let it out? Recess is too dangerous and you can't let them play outside! What if they scratch themselves? That would make the third trip to the ER this week! Do you know how many bugs and germs are out there??? They could even get....DIRTY! What if they are abducted by the semi-islamic looking guy down the street? A man with a beard like that can't be trusted. It's not her fault anyway. The school should be taking more of an active role in raising her kids and teaching them how to behave and what not. With as much as teachers are paid, they should be doing a hell of a lot more then just teaching the kids how to read and write. It's all okay, because once they get home (after stopping at McDonalds for a super megasized happy meal), they'll just eat sugar and play video games until the pass out, giving mom enough spare time to order pizza for dinner and watch Opra to validate her existance. LOL!! How true! |
| 2007-01-16 3:05 PM in reply to: #656635 |
| Expert 936 Springfield, MO | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents Renee - 2007-01-16 2:03 PM Well... to answer your question (am I overreacting), I would ask: why does it bother you so much? It bothers me because IT IS ANNOYING! |
| 2007-01-16 3:07 PM in reply to: #656570 |
| molto veloce mama 9311 | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents nice use of the sarcasim font. in all seriousness, 'they' (the child psych and early education experts) are rethinking the whole self-esteem thing. there is a book called 'hollow kids' that i want to order and read. we've discussed some of it in the parenting class i attend. anyway, basically it says that kids who are always praised and never disciplined end up as empty as kids who are abused at the other end of the spectrum. http://www.amazon.com/Hollow-Kids-Recapturing-Generation-Self-Estee... i admit that we were overpraising ella to the point that she grew to expect that external reinforcement of what she was good at. we are trying to undo that now, and it hasn't been easy...but slowly she is able to find it in herself, instead of us telling telling telling. nice thing about that mental training book for tris, is that its helping me teach her to find her own source of power and pride, instead of expecting praise from others all the time. and as for mud. it makes me insane that people won't let their kids get messy. what the hell is life about, if not skinned knees and dirt under your fingernails? i say, be muddy, naked, and happy (just not at the grocery store)  (mudbath.jpg) Attachments ---------------- mudbath.jpg (22KB - 21 downloads) |
| 2007-01-16 3:08 PM in reply to: #656493 |
| Elite 3519 San Jose, CA | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents Another very cute story, on the same note...One day a mother came up to me and said, my daughter is very concerned because your shoes are untied, would you mind tying them right now...I just laughed and tied my shoes...I thought that was very cute...I could just imagine the parent explaining to their daughter that it was dangerous to walk around with your shoes untied....so of course when she saw someone with their shoes untied...she felt they were in mortal peril. I liked that kid...in an abstract way. My beef with the mother is she really seemed not to car...she talked on her cell phone and to the clerk often had her back to the 3 kids that were literally jumping on a counter...then thought it odd that she gets strange looks when she takes her kids out. Everything people have said on this thread makes sense...but I still think this mother just didn't care that her kids could get hurt...or break something in the store...and it bothers me, because its my store as much as hers, and when her kids break something or disrupt something, because she couldn't spend the time to pay them attention, then it hurts me too. (yes its all about me...me me me...look I'm on fire put me out" |
| 2007-01-16 3:20 PM in reply to: #656772 |
| molto veloce mama 9311 | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents sadly, some people have kids who don't really want to be parents. i know a mom who LOVES her kids, but is really not a great parent. she could never break the habits of being a self-focused adult after her kids were born. you have to be able to put them first (that said i believe strongly in family balance, taking time for yourself as a parent, etc...but when push comes to shove, in many situations you have to be willing to put their needs above your own). she was on her cell phone throughout the labor w/ her second child. it was insane. if you look at some of the pregnancy/parent stuff out there these days, its all about adding children, and all the trappings of children, as ACCESORIES to your life. if this is your attitude, then you shouldn't have to spend any more time teaching your kids as you do teaching your SUV. looking good while pregnant is one thing, but its really become and image/possession thing. $160+ designer diaper bags? come on now. Edited by autumn 2007-01-16 3:22 PM |
| 2007-01-16 3:25 PM in reply to: #656581 |
| molto veloce mama 9311 | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents you'll be a good daddy (see my post below about putting them first). family balance is VERY important. one of the reasons i started doing tris was to have something for me, when my whole life revolves around my kids. it isn't a matter of you or them being at the top of the list all the time, but to find ways to balance everything. however, when balance can't be struck, you have to be willing to put their needs and best interests before yours...something many people have a very hard time doing. |
| 2007-01-16 3:29 PM in reply to: #656493 |
| Master 2571 Tiger's Den | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents Autumn, along the line of having kids as an accessory- this is a huge issue for me. When I see men women left and right who seemingly don't want to be parents (always complaining, talking ugly to their kids, putting themselves ahead of their kids- like refusing to take little Johnny to the bathroom when he's got to go because you aren't finished with your beer) it makes me want to scream, knowing that we've wanted to be parents forever and it hasn't happened for us. (we are adopting, but the wait is endless, I'm experiencing the adoption pregnancy equivalent of an elephant!) Sorry to hijack, but the having kids for social status or because it's in just really bothers me. |
| 2007-01-16 3:40 PM in reply to: #656493 |
| Master 1468 Tampa, Fl | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents I really don't care at retail places. But when I am in a restaurant you better control your child. And please don't bring a crying baby to a restaurant. I have no problem if your children are well behaved and quiet but if they are not please leave them at home. |
| 2007-01-16 3:46 PM in reply to: #656493 |
| Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents Sorry, slight hijack expanding on Rich's post.... DON'T BRING YOUR FRIGGIN BABIES TO THE MOVIE THEATRE!!!!!! Wahhhh, we can't afford a sitter. What, you can afford a $10 tub of popcorn but not a sitter? I submit that until you can afford a sitter, you can't afford to go to the movies Rant off. |
| 2007-01-16 3:49 PM in reply to: #656493 |
| Master 2571 Tiger's Den | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents Another slight hijack, how about bringing your one month old baby to a restaurant and then sitting at the bar where all the smoke is. Brings to mind one of my favorite movie quotes from Sweet Home Alabama "You brought a baby.... in a bar?" |
| 2007-01-16 3:53 PM in reply to: #656493 |
| Elite 2733 Venture Industries, | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents You're over reacting... this incident isn't about parenting it's about judgment and wether it's fair to judge this woman as a parent upon your one brief interaction with her and her children. My personal opinion, before I was a parent I would have agreed with you, but now as a parent I am way less likely to make judgments upon on incident. Maybe these kids are great every other day that they've been out, maybe the day you saw them was an anomolie (sp?), maybe there was a death in the family and the mom was just exhausted, maybe that's the way the kids are on a daily basis, maybe she has joint custody and the father is abusive, maybe she could have used a kind stranger to offer to help her take the groceries to her car or offer a kind word...maybe...maybe...maybe. All kids act like maniacs at some point or another. In this case it could have been the norm or it might not have been. Point is, it may be unfair to judge this woman as a poor parent based upon this brief interaction. |
| 2007-01-16 3:55 PM in reply to: #656838 |
| Master 1468 Tampa, Fl | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents To expand on Chris's post I was at a movie. I can't recall what it was but I think maybe Sin City. It was a movie that was graphic and a little fightening but certainly so for a small child between 4-6. Maybe 20 minutes in the child was crying and asking to leaving, saying how scared he was. THE PARENTS DIDN"T LEAVE OR TAKE HIM OUT. I felt so bad for the child. You get the feeling that he will not have the best shake at life right off the bat. After 5 minutes the man yelled at his wife to take the kid outside because he was ruining the movie for him. It was shocking and one of those moments when you ask yourself what is going on in the world. Edited by rbschlesinger 2007-01-16 3:57 PM |
| 2007-01-16 4:02 PM in reply to: #656861 |
| molto veloce mama 9311 | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents had a similar experience at 'fellowship of the ring'. wtf? |
| 2007-01-16 4:04 PM in reply to: #656493 |
| Wife, Mother, Friend. 2457 South | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents oookay, I bought a baby to the movies. once. A little bitty thing. All I did was nurse him a few times, hardly a peep outta the critter. Okay, the OP description of the kids in teh store makes me think my kids on the hammock at the St A's B and B was a bit tame. sheesh... My kids are gonna grow up and be eternal fraternity boys. But for the most part they're pretty good. |
| 2007-01-16 4:06 PM in reply to: #656861 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2007-01-16 4:08 PM in reply to: #656493 |
| Master 1468 Tampa, Fl | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents On a similar topic, Went out to dinner with GF and her family. Her neice and nephew are 1 and 3. They were really well behaved and if you didn't see little people at the table you would have had no idea they were there. I have no problem with that. During dinner the girl (who had just turned 3) kept getting out of her seat and going under the table for a minute. I asked what she was doing and her dad looked kind of embarassed and said, "She is doing twosies" She went under the table 2 more times and I couldn't help giggling. Kids are funny |
| 2007-01-16 4:11 PM in reply to: #656581 |
| Alpharetta, Georgia | Subject: RE: Bad Children, Bad Parents Marvarnett - 2007-01-16 1:39 PM Kids just don't pop out. And we don't have litters DING DING DING! I say this as a person without children, and by choice. I understand that parents get exhausted and drained and all kind of other emotions going on. I've seen this observing my sister and her kids, one who was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at 9 months, and the other (3 yrs old) who is in intense behavior, occupational and speech therapies. Not once have I seen her just not pay attention or not care or let them do what they want because she was exhausted-- and trust me, she is always exhausted. If people are not prepared to be parents (in all situations, not just the easy times), they should take preventive measures. /end rant |
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