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2006-02-21 10:36 AM
in reply to: #350850

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Champion
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Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant

No, that's being nice and being a human being.  The absence of treating them badly is NOT compassion. 

run4yrlif - 2006-02-21 10:33 AM

Treating these people like people *is* compassionate. Ignoring them, telling them to f&*k off or get a job, walking faster, crossing the street so you don't have to deal with them isn't. 



Edited by DerekL 2006-02-21 10:36 AM


2006-02-21 10:39 AM
in reply to: #350623

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2006-02-21 11:00 AM
in reply to: #350852

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Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant
DerekL - 2006-02-21 11:35 AM

See, that's where the problem lies.  On one hand, you have people advocating compassion.  Great.  When the issue of what to actually do comes up, the answer is "Do what you feel like."  Being nice is great and all, but I see a huge disconnect between the two positions above.



Nobody can give money, food, etc. to every homeless person they see. And if you could, you have to ask yourself if that is necessarily the right thing to do.

I think one can give money to a homeless person without being compassionate. There is a provincial premier here in Canada, Ralph Klein, who drunkenly threw money at some homeless people in a shelter and told them to get a job. That's not compassion.

As I mentioned above, viewing the people around you with compassion introduces a bunch of greys into what could be an otherwise black and white world. I know how unpopular greys are. A politician who tries to add nuance to an opinion is a vacillator, a waffler, so where does that leave the rest of us?

So, in the spirit of viewing the world as a complex series of shades of grey, I say that there is no right answer to whether you should give money to a homeless person. But that does not mean that compassion is useless and should be abandoned to the dumpster that the homeless people are eating supper out of.
2006-02-21 11:02 AM
in reply to: #350878

Champion
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Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant

I agree completely and nobody said or implied anything of the sort. 

Opus - 2006-02-21 11:00 AM

I say that there is no right answer to whether you should give money to a homeless person. But that does not mean that compassion is useless and should be abandoned to the dumpster that the homeless people are eating supper out of.

2006-02-21 11:07 AM
in reply to: #350880

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Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant
DerekL - 2006-02-21 12:02 PM

I agree completely and nobody said or implied anything of the sort. 

Opus - 2006-02-21 11:00 AM

I say that there is no right answer to whether you should give money to a homeless person. But that does not mean that compassion is useless and should be abandoned to the dumpster that the homeless people are eating supper out of.



I know, don't get defensive! I was just trying to illustrate that compassion does not have to be accompanied by action for it to have some value.
2006-02-21 11:08 AM
in reply to: #350818

Alpharetta, Georgia
Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant
ChipmunkHeart - 2006-02-21 10:14 AM

It's hard to not feel for someone who is sitting out in the freezing cold. That sucks. But I can acknowledge their humanity while also acknowledgeing that down on your luck is one thing, choosing the stay stationary on a stoop downtown for years is another. 



Again, well said.

Just to drop in on the subject--- I am called a "bleeding heart" by everyone I know. I'm a compasionate person who truly feels for others. I support a wide range of charitable organizations with both monetary and volunteer contributions. I spend time thinking about how I can help others on a daily basis, and it's part of my daily profession.

But homelessness is one subject I simply cannot understand. With the exception of those with mental illnesses, in which those cases need to be dealt with by charitable or government organizations, I simply don't feel my heart going out to people who ultimately choose to be homeless. Yes bad things happen to good people, yes not everyone has a support network, I understand that. But when someone knows there are groups out there to HELP, and they CHOOSE not to accept that help, I'm not sure I can muster up genuine compassion.

Even when we buy them lunch instead of giving them cash, aren't we sustaining their homelessness? If we really want to solve the problem, we should be directing them to shelters or other organizations whose charge is to help get them back on their feet. Give your money to those organizations, volunteer to be on their board of directors, etc. There are ways to help solve the problem if you take a moment to think about it.

/end rant


2006-02-21 12:20 PM
in reply to: #350623

Expert
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Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant

My former boss has a friend who is homeless. He has had the opportunity to go to the shelters but refuses because he does not like them. He has the opportunity to meet with counselors to help him find a job but there is always some excuse. He gets his welfare money and spends it on alcohol and drugs. I actually felt bad for the poor slob and let him stay in my apartment for three days gave him clothes and fed him and he still stole some stuff from my apartment. It is hard to be nice when someone only wants a handout and doesn't want to help themselves. There are jobs out there, yes that might be crappy but it would at least put money in their pockets. Everyone has gone through hard times but can make it work. The difference is these people don't want to make it work.

2006-02-21 12:22 PM
in reply to: #350623

Expert
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New Port Richey
Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant

PS My boss also gave him 50 dollars when he brought him to my house to stay.

 

2006-02-21 12:48 PM
in reply to: #350946

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Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant
kgart - 2006-02-21 1:20 PM

My former boss has a friend who is homeless. He has had the opportunity to go to the shelters but refuses because he does not like them. He has the opportunity to meet with counselors to help him find a job but there is always some excuse. He gets his welfare money and spends it on alcohol and drugs. I actually felt bad for the poor slob and let him stay in my apartment for three days gave him clothes and fed him and he still stole some stuff from my apartment. It is hard to be nice when someone only wants a handout and doesn't want to help themselves. There are jobs out there, yes that might be crappy but it would at least put money in their pockets. Everyone has gone through hard times but can make it work. The difference is these people don't want to make it work.



This is where it becomes challenging to be compassionate.



Edited by Opus 2006-02-21 12:49 PM
2006-02-21 1:11 PM
in reply to: #350808

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Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant
kimj81 - 2006-02-21 8:02 AM

I often hand them food if I have any. You can spare an energy bar. Or if you happen to be coming out of, oh, say McDonalds and a nice homeless girl opens a door for you, you could buy her something off the dollar menu.

And if you don't have anything (or don't want to give anything), just look them in the eye and smile and don't act afraid or grossed out and say, "I'm sorry, I don't have anything, but good luck!" Treating someone like a human being goes a long way.



Great post. There is a guy around here who walks around with a shopping cart. He has peanut butter and jam sandwiches and soup that he gives out. On Sunday night, a saw him stop and offer napkins to a lady who had dropped and spilt something that she was putting in the trunk of her car. I would love to chat with this guy.

Most people in my building sort their garbage and put cans and bottles and anything useful beside the dumpsters/recycle bins and not in them.

Jen
2006-02-21 1:38 PM
in reply to: #350858

Master
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The real USC, in the ghetto of LA
Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant
oneword - 2006-02-21 10:39 AM

I think the best thing to do, if a homeless person asks you for money, is to buy them something to eat - rather than just give them cash.


my biggest issue with it it that i have so little money like chipmunk said. i eat ramen noodles twie a day (600 calories for 20 cents). i eat ONE meal out, and its not much, each week. i collect allmy change, every penny, to make sure i can buy my food and pay my rent. what drives me nuts about the situation is that its not like im rich, or a "downtown" buisness person. im a poor college kid, and when i walk around downtown during "buisness" hours i never see any homeless; which is when all the people are there.


2006-02-21 1:49 PM
in reply to: #350623

Elite
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Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant
We reap what we sow. They are sub-human, somewhere between animal and man. When dogs roam the streets, I don't pity them. I think despise is the word for how I feel for them. They are not my equal and I won't treat them as one.

You should have beat the **** out of that guy in the kinkos. The chick that opened the door for you didn't deserve your seven cents either.

2006-02-21 1:51 PM
in reply to: #351041

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Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant

ChuckyFinster - 2006-02-21 11:49 AM We reap what we sow. They are sub-human, somewhere between animal and man. When dogs roam the streets, I don't pity them. I think despise is the word for how I feel for them. They are not my equal and I won't treat them as one. You should have beat the **** out of that guy in the kinkos. The chick that opened the door for you didn't deserve your seven cents either.

Oh good! Everyone! Chucky's here to save the day and make everyone like eachother and play nice.

Dude, what do stray dogs have to do with it?



Edited by kimj81 2006-02-21 1:53 PM
2006-02-21 1:55 PM
in reply to: #350623

Champion
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Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant
Ah yes, Mr. Sunshine is here to make me look like Gandhi.
2006-02-21 1:56 PM
in reply to: #350623

Elite
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Livingston, MT
Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant
bums = stray dog
2006-02-21 2:00 PM
in reply to: #351041

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Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant
ChuckyFinster - 2006-02-21 2:49 PM

We reap what we sow. They are sub-human, somewhere between animal and man. When dogs roam the streets, I don't pity them. I think despise is the word for how I feel for them. They are not my equal and I won't treat them as one.

You should have beat the **** out of that guy in the kinkos. The chick that opened the door for you didn't deserve your seven cents either.



So, I guess you're not buying my "compassion as a spiritual discipline" argument...


2006-02-21 2:01 PM
in reply to: #351053

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Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant

Well, I would argue that a stray dog is a victim of humans and has no way to choose anything different. He merely survives. Which is a lot more generous than I figure you're willing to be to anyone with any less than a perfect life.

Of all the things I choose to argue. I protect the dogs.... LOL!  Chuck, I like you, but you're an a**hole.

2006-02-21 2:04 PM
in reply to: #351062

Elite
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Livingston, MT
Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant
kimj81 - 2006-02-21 11:01 AM

Well, I would argue that a stray dog is a victim of humans and has no way to choose anything different. He merely survives. Which is a lot more generous than I figure you're willing to be to anyone with any less than a perfect life.

Of all the things I choose to argue. I protect the dogs.... LOL! Chuck, I like you, but you're an a**hole.



bahahaha, I think you just wrote my new signature line. But you're right, stray dogs are higher on the food chain than bums. I don't expect a perfect life, for mine is far from it, but I expect effort which is what bums are unwilling to provide. Thieves and moochers are pretty low in my book.

2006-02-21 2:14 PM
in reply to: #351068

Pro
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Helena, MT
Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant

I think I've now officially won the record for most quotes ending up as people's sigs.

I think this is funny though. What you said is so incredibly ridiculous that I don't even think people are going to blow up on you.

2006-02-21 2:18 PM
in reply to: #351084

Elite
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Livingston, MT
Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant
kimj81 - 2006-02-21 11:14 AM

I think I've now officially won the record for most quotes ending up as people's sigs.

I think this is funny though. What you said is so incredibly ridiculous that I don't even think people are going to blow up on you.



Alright, so your family dog and a professional bum are drowning, you can only save one, which do you save?

-- just call me chuck the entertainer



Edited by ChuckyFinster 2006-02-21 2:18 PM
2006-02-21 2:22 PM
in reply to: #351051

Crystal Lake, IL
Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant

DerekL - 2006-02-21 1:55 PM Ah yes, Mr. Sunshine is here to make me look like Gandhi.

Yeah, but Ghandi didn't have quads like that! 

And to further blend threads, as Coredump said, karma's a bitch, Chucky.

 



2006-02-21 2:26 PM
in reply to: #350623

Buttercup
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Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant

tyrant - 2006-02-21 3:27 AM 

I really wish they would all just disappear. if they didnt bother me; harass me, make my life harder, and annoy me i really wouldnt care about them. am i missing a side of the situation? do i just need to become more 'downtown' and not get upset over them? whew..... rant over....

Abraham, 

Life is full of difficulties. Many of these difficulties come in the form of unpleasant interactions with other humans. How you choose to interact with others defines who you are. To answer your question, you must first decide who you want to be. Then let your actions (and interactions) flow from that self-image.

2006-02-21 2:30 PM
in reply to: #350623

Got Wahoo?
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San Antonio
Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant

FYI - I would have beat the tar out of the guy in Kinkos, not given a cent to the lady holding the door and kicked the beligerent bum yelling obsenities at me in the *** until he apologized - maybe even taken HIS money. Having said that, those that are habitually homeless (meaning not transitioning) are usually mentally unballanced, either naturally or through drugs. Having compassion for someone in a bad situation does not mean you are responsible for their circumstances or that you have to allow said person to abuse you.

These people are taught that intimidation works - and it does. They will invade your space, make aggressive eye contact and try to make you feel uncomfortable so that you will give money to get them to leave you alone. It pisses me off almost as much as the churches that invade the intersections by my house. 

 

Every time you give a vagrant money you are re-enforcing this lesson. It is not their fault, it's yours.

2006-02-21 2:36 PM
in reply to: #350623

Master
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Savannah,
Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant

Hey, Fritoe....calm down.  Didn't I throw money in your cup that time?  Anyway, I will probably get tooled for this, but here is an entry to my Livejournal Blog from last summer on this very subject.  The top two paragraphs I pretty much already said in this thread, it's the end of this entry that I think is interesting:

CHARITY

You know those guys on the roads that sit on the ramp of exits with sad signs....."will work for food" or "Vietnam Vet" or sadder still, "hungry"? Well I give money to all of them. I know they spend it on drugs and alcohol, but I don't care. I can't look into the eyes of another person in need, whatever that need might be, and then look away. It does something to me, to look away would be to disregard that person's humanness. It's not that I think it's okay what they do with the money, but by me acknowledging them by giving them a few dollars it says "someone else sees you" "someone cares". And the best part is that I never tell anyone that I do this. My grandma told me that a good deed isn't good if you tell about it and I kind of like having that kind of secret.

I worked in a homeless shelter for three years as the Director of Volunteers and I went into that job as green as a willow branch. I thought that by working there I would dispel all the myths that homeless people are either lunatics or crack-heads. Well, I was wrong. Ninety-five percent of the people I saw come through the doors of Union Mission were either mentally ill or addicted to something.

During this time in my life I did a good bit of thinking about the types of people that work for these types of organizations, or just non-profits in general. I observed that most people I worked with were doing it on the surface because "they wanted to help others". A noble motivation but with an underlying gratification. By helping others it gave them the understandable feeling of "I'm good". But I think somewhere in the past of these noble workers was either a sense of their own worthlessness or an extreme amount of guilt.

These people, in my opinion, chose these types of careers to prove their worth to themselves or to convince others of their inherent good. The other scenario, to extradite themselves from some long buried guilt, acts as a payback to clear their slates. Most of them are not aware that somewhere along the way they picked up this guilt (parental, spousal, or other) and are trying to soothe themselves by helping others.

Both are charity cases, the homeless and the helpers. They each co-exist because of the other. There would be virtually no homeless if no one EVER helped them, and their would be no social service workers if there were no indigents. The point is we all need something and we are all here to see the humanness in each other.

2006-02-21 2:46 PM
in reply to: #351118

Master
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The real USC, in the ghetto of LA
Subject: RE: am i a mean person -- rant
SAG- (i love it bear!)

had i been in this situation 3 years ago, i would have no issue with it, no money from me. but i had this super liberal gf and she always cried if i didnt give homeless people money, so now i have that inner guilt, dang liberal gf. you are correct if no one ever helped them they would be gone.
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