Depression and Moods- Check in! (Page 21)

TriAya - 2010-03-15 2:59 PM

A beautiful, perfect dog fell into my lap. .

hvcycle - 2010-03-15 4:04 PM

Oh Dave,,
I am so sorry about your friend!  It will be a difficult road for you as the best friend to be a strong cheerleader for him.  He will need your strength!  And your food!  Good time to make soothing, easy on digestive system healthy soft meals or smoothie type drinks for him.  I would love to have a friend like you beside me if that were to happen to me.  Have faith in your higher power! I truly believe that like the diseases that rob the memories, cancer is hardest on the family and friends that watch and feel helpless.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and his!

Work.  Just breathe and get back on your schedule when you can.. 

Remember to take time to breathe, roll it off and start anew..  Love that watermelon..  added watermelon to my want list for the garden.  At the rate my list is growing, going to have to convert my whole yard to garden.  LOL

hvcycle - 2010-03-16 4:23 AM My turn..  just having a rotten day,,  couple of them ...  just crying all the time..  so sad..  only happens when I stop and think about myself..  gotta quit doing that.. 

TriAya - 2010-03-15 1:59 PM Hello again, beautiful people.

I wanted to check in and post some hope.

My last depression was horrid (is there any other way for one to be?). I slept very little (still do) and lost a lot of weight (good, but got very dark and drawn-looking). Feeling (although not ideating) suicidal. Lost some clients to that, and to persistent challenges from ADHD.

Self-esteem in the toilet.

However, it's infinitely better now, which is to say that it's "normal" or "balanced," which, to a formerly depressed person, feels like AWESOMENESS.

I went back on medication. I do intensive writing therapy. I meditate. I talk with trusted friends and mentors. I force myself to get out. Action, no matter how small, saves the day for me.

A beautiful, perfect dog fell into my lap. There is so much more love in my life!!! And free entertainment!

Recovery wasn't linear. It never is. Slowly, the extremes draw to the middle, and the sucky days are fewer. But it does go back and forth. I have to look at it in chunks of weeks and months to note the progress.

triosaurus - 2010-03-15 10:02 PM Hi everyone
I thought I would gather my courage and post again - I have been following the thread regularly, and the recent posts, but either feel that I have little to nothing of value to add, or, more often than not, feel shy, too lonely and isolated to be a part of this, or anything else.

However, I really want to give a virtual 'hug' (believe me, this is a big deal to me, as I NEVER hug anyone but my two children...) to those who have posted in the last little while with challenges.
As well, a big high five to those who have had some positive progress lately!!

The past few weeks have been very tough, emotionally and physically, as I had to move. My depression had gotten the better of me over the course of time, and I had gotten myself in arrears with my  payments.... Of course, as luck would have it, my van died at the same time..... Anyway, I am now in a very nice suite, in a much nicer area. It was tough boxing up my life, from the house I had lived in with my ex and children (who moved out five years ago) .... the rooms I had played with the kids, eaten meals together .......    Isolating myself over the past five years also meant that I had absolutely nobody to help me move, but I am proud of the fact that I got it done.  It was also a great opportunity to face one of my 'issues'  of not being able to 'let go'  of things, both emotional and physical.... I had SO much crap accumulated, I filled an entire dumpster with stuff, in addition to giving away and selling quite a bit (thanks to Craigslist!)  

I still feel a bit odd in typing up my feelings and sending them 'out there',  but I want to thank everyone for the earlier words of encouragement, and the feeling of inclusion fostered here. I still have a loooong way to go before reaching 'normalcy',,,,but who wants to be normal, anyway?!?

Oh, and to be sort of triathlon-related, I actually followed through today with my decision of yesterday to go to the pool and start swimming..... New pool, new neighbourhood..... I did the first day of the 0-to-a-mile plan...., actually did an extra 100m.... yay, me 

ride_like_u_stole_it - 2010-03-15 2:30 PM

I've gotta say that last week had me on the bubble.

Worked Sunday night which throws my sleep schedule off.
Crazy busy at work, two meetings off campus which interrupted my noon-time workouts
Saw the most recent end of my tenure in local goverment (I have3 known it was coming for a long time) and  Got appointed to another board which is not very dynamic. Which killed two evenings of working out
It rained all freaking week
My best friend was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer (at age 45).

Rational mind sez "these are just events"
Other mind begs to differ and points out how many unfinished projects are laying around the house, weight gain, loss of fitness, failure, and the usual generalized internal recounting of every "failure" since age 5.

Fortunately, to one degree or another, I recognize that Rational mind is right and that Other mind needs to STFU.

I can deal. I think this may be as bad as a bad cycle gets these days, at least I hope so.

Daylight Savings time is here, and that means time enough to get an actual bike ride done in the evening. Hope.

Thanks for letting me vent.

ride_like_u_stole_it - 2010-03-15 12:30 PM

I've gotta say that last week had me on the bubble.

Worked Sunday night which throws my sleep schedule off.
Crazy busy at work, two meetings off campus which interrupted my noon-time workouts
Saw the most recent end of my tenure in local goverment (I have3 known it was coming for a long time) and  Got appointed to another board which is not very dynamic. Which killed two evenings of working out
It rained all freaking week
My best friend was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer (at age 45).

Rational mind sez "these are just events"
Other mind begs to differ and points out how many unfinished projects are laying around the house, weight gain, loss of fitness, failure, and the usual generalized internal recounting of every "failure" since age 5.

Fortunately, to one degree or another, I recognize that Rational mind is right and that Other mind needs to STFU.

I can deal. I think this may be as bad as a bad cycle gets these days, at least I hope so.

Daylight Savings time is here, and that means time enough to get an actual bike ride done in the evening. Hope.

Thanks for letting me vent.

hvcycle - 2010-03-16 2:23 AM My turn..  just having a rotten day,,  couple of them ...  just crying all the time..  so sad..  only happens when I stop and think about myself..  gotta quit doing that.. 

TriAya - 2010-03-15 11:59 AM Hello again, beautiful people.

I wanted to check in and post some hope.

My last depression was horrid (is there any other way for one to be?). I slept very little (still do) and lost a lot of weight (good, but got very dark and drawn-looking). Feeling (although not ideating) suicidal. Lost some clients to that, and to persistent challenges from ADHD.

Self-esteem in the toilet.

However, it's infinitely better now, which is to say that it's "normal" or "balanced," which, to a formerly depressed person, feels like AWESOMENESS.

I went back on medication. I do intensive writing therapy. I meditate. I talk with trusted friends and mentors. I force myself to get out. Action, no matter how small, saves the day for me.

A beautiful, perfect dog fell into my lap. There is so much more love in my life!!! And free entertainment!

Recovery wasn't linear. It never is. Slowly, the extremes draw to the middle, and the sucky days are fewer. But it does go back and forth. I have to look at it in chunks of weeks and months to note the progress.

hvcycle - 2010-03-15 5:51 AM

P,S. 
I love your avatar!  are those your legs?  I used to have legs like that.  now, well, somedays I think that they look good but no where near that.
your avatar gives a good goal picture, in fact, I hope that you don't mind but I have it in my goals page.
I have almost a whole human body there now, along with financial goals, sports goals, business goals, family goals.  
no personnal goals.  that is too darned depressing    ha ha

TriAya - 2010-03-15 2:59 PM

Hello again, beautiful people.

I wanted to check in and post some hope.

My last depression was horrid (is there any other way for one to be?). I slept very little (still do) and lost a lot of weight (good, but got very dark and drawn-looking). Feeling (although not ideating) suicidal. Lost some clients to that, and to persistent challenges from ADHD.

Self-esteem in the toilet.

However, it's infinitely better now, which is to say that it's "normal" or "balanced," which, to a formerly depressed person, feels like AWESOMENESS.

I went back on medication. I do intensive writing therapy. I meditate. I talk with trusted friends and mentors. I force myself to get out. Action, no matter how small, saves the day for me.

A beautiful, perfect dog fell into my lap. There is so much more love in my life!!! And free entertainment!

Recovery wasn't linear. It never is. Slowly, the extremes draw to the middle, and the sucky days are fewer. But it does go back and forth. I have to look at it in chunks of weeks and months to note the progress.

ride_like_u_stole_it - 2010-03-15 3:30 PM

I've gotta say that last week had me on the bubble.

Worked Sunday night which throws my sleep schedule off.
Crazy busy at work, two meetings off campus which interrupted my noon-time workouts
Saw the most recent end of my tenure in local goverment (I have3 known it was coming for a long time) and  Got appointed to another board which is not very dynamic. Which killed two evenings of working out
It rained all freaking week
My best friend was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer (at age 45).

Rational mind sez "these are just events"
Other mind begs to differ and points out how many unfinished projects are laying around the house, weight gain, loss of fitness, failure, and the usual generalized internal recounting of every "failure" since age 5.

Fortunately, to one degree or another, I recognize that Rational mind is right and that Other mind needs to STFU.

I can deal. I think this may be as bad as a bad cycle gets these days, at least I hope so.

Daylight Savings time is here, and that means time enough to get an actual bike ride done in the evening. Hope.

Thanks for letting me vent.

triosaurus - 2010-03-15 11:02 PM

Hi everyone
I thought I would gather my courage and post again - I have been following the thread regularly, and the recent posts, but either feel that I have little to nothing of value to add, or, more often than not, feel shy, too lonely and isolated to be a part of this, or anything else.

However, I really want to give a virtual 'hug' (believe me, this is a big deal to me, as I NEVER hug anyone but my two children...) to those who have posted in the last little while with challenges.
As well, a big high five to those who have had some positive progress lately!!

The past few weeks have been very tough, emotionally and physically, as I had to move. My depression had gotten the better of me over the course of time, and I had gotten myself in arrears with my  payments.... Of course, as luck would have it, my van died at the same time..... Anyway, I am now in a very nice suite, in a much nicer area. It was tough boxing up my life, from the house I had lived in with my ex and children (who moved out five years ago) .... the rooms I had played with the kids, eaten meals together .......    Isolating myself over the past five years also meant that I had absolutely nobody to help me move, but I am proud of the fact that I got it done.  It was also a great opportunity to face one of my 'issues'  of not being able to 'let go'  of things, both emotional and physical.... I had SO much crap accumulated, I filled an entire dumpster with stuff, in addition to giving away and selling quite a bit (thanks to Craigslist!)  

I still feel a bit odd in typing up my feelings and sending them 'out there',  but I want to thank everyone for the earlier words of encouragement, and the feeling of inclusion fostered here. I still have a loooong way to go before reaching 'normalcy',,,,but who wants to be normal, anyway?!?

Oh, and to be sort of triathlon-related, I actually followed through today with my decision of yesterday to go to the pool and start swimming..... New pool, new neighbourhood..... I did the first day of the 0-to-a-mile plan...., actually did an extra 100m.... yay, me 

DiamondRidge - 2010-03-18 9:39 AM

Good morning everyone - I'm new to BT and checking out the forums.  Found this one and had to read it because I live with bipolar and its nice to know that other people out there in the world of athletes deal with mood disorders as well. 

Right now I'm dealing with a downswing - just saw my doctor yesterday and got the meds adjusted AGAIN (do they ever get to a stable point?).  The downs are really scary for me because I used to deal with them alot when I was a teenager (I made a couple of pretty serious attempts and I used to cut and do other such things)...  I haven't had to deal with alot of downs as an adult - my disease chooses to send me manic more than depressed so dealing with the downs is terrifying because I worry that they'll go back to where they used to go, and I can't go there now, I have children to live for and I have goals and hopes and dreams that I want, for me.  The doctor suggested an intensive outpatient program (which I've done before and Hated!) but I said no. 

The good news is that I'm still working out, still training, and, although I have to do some major self-talk to get it done, I'm still feeling good about the training after I get it done.

Thanks for the outlet.

Stay strong - DR.

Atlantia - 2010-03-18 5:21 PM Okay, so I think I'm all caught up with everybody for now. I made it past the first stage of my interview process. It was a difficult test, in that it wasn't what I was expecting. They tested our multitasking ability right from the start, plus a sort of pop-psychology section that was easy enough. I go back Monday the 22nd for the computer based test. Wish me luck! I am having some conflicting thoughts. I can't tell if I'm just nervous, or if this is me trying to keep myself from being successful. I don't want to leave my current job. I'm good at it, and everybody knows me, and all the clients like me, and I like dogs. The money's okay, and my boss is okay, and I feel important there. But I'm not challenged, and the boss is hoping to leave within five years (she wants me to buy it) and we've had massive loss of revenue due to the recession. I can't make enough to save for a new car, or a house, or really for triathlon. If I left for a new job I'd be nobody. I'd be new. Maybe I'd be bad at this job. But I'd have a bit more money, lots of room to grow, health and dental, retirement, and a real true career for the first time in my life. I'm so scared.