TAN #176: SkeleTANs in our closets ... (Page 31)

Hrumph.

Need a little TAN advice and therapy.

Mrs. Crowny and I went out to dinner and drinks with a friend of ours on Saturday night.  We found out a few weeks ago that she and her husband were separated.  Quick background, we have known both of them individually and as a couple for almost 20 years.  He is a fraternity brother and she is a friend and college choir colleague.  So we have relationshiops with both of them separately and as a couple.

Long story short, they are both in the wrong.  He is married to his job AND to alcohol.  When alcohol is involved, he gets nasty.  He has never hit her but he does get very beligerant and verbally abusive.  She cheated on him last summer because he is never home and admits to having emotional issues that drove a wedge between them.

There are two kids.  One 10, one 8. 

I'm really torn up about my brother.  In hindsight (like 20 years worth of it) I see this pattern early.  But his minor violence when we were in college was funny.  Like crossing the street and he would slam his hand on a car hood because he thought it was too close to him (this is ONLY when he is drunk, sober he is a kitten). 

Another brother and I are meeting him for lunch next week and are going to try to do a regular lunch.  Right now, I'm the only one that knows about the issue and I am NOT going to let onto him that I know.  It will be up to him to bring it up. 

All in all, we will continue to be friends with both of them separately.  I think that is the right thing to do.  They are going to counseling separately but the divorce is definitely pending. 

Kind of made for a bit of a crappy weekend.

Just be there for both of them but also tell them that you don't want to be in the middle and don't want to hear about how bad the other one is.

I was thinking about texting him the puking pic while I'm texting Tony.

Thanks.  That is good advice.

From her she has taken equal fault in this because of what she did last year.  But what you said is VERY good advice.  Thanks brother.

Well I was in that situation so I have some experience. A few friends took sides but the good ones stayed neutral when it got bad. Unfortunately for them though with my ex you are with her or against her so when they were still friends with me she dropped them as friends and the sad part was they weren’t with me just staying neutral between us. The husband which was both of our friends from before we were even dating had a great line "I'm her for you but not to hear you about her". It was a very open and clear line for me as his friend and I appreciated it very much.

But good luck to them and I hope you can keep the friendships going.

Tough weekend.

Everything about this post just reinforces my opinion about you as being a sterling human being and doing all the right and compassionate things here.

Sometimes in dealing with this species( men) I do think they are aliens. 

And they say the same about us I guess.

Morning TAN.

Hiya TAN. I skipped a buncha workouts this weekend and still managed to be sore. 
--- insert dirty thoughts here ---

Scraping ceilings and painting took a huge toll on my neck and arms. Massage please? 

Sure.
--- insert dirty thoughts here ---

If you ever are in Chicago, and want to treat yourself to a beyond euphoric experience, go to the Pennisula spa and have a massage, not sure why but tops the list of all spa.  Pricey but so worth the treat!

As for today I can lend a hand or two. 

He moved out about 3-4 weeks ago.

You girls are ambitious, geez I am not handy in these matters at ALL.

Thanks to you both.

And that is our plan.  To be friends to both of them.  Which we have always been. 

Thanks again TAN.  You affirmed that we are taking the right path.

ALL HAIL THE HALLOWED HIGH PRIESTESS OF THE HEALING YET LEFT HOOK HONEY HYPNOMELONS!

How was your weekend, starlight?

Speaking of Merivale?  Loved it there