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Dear Daughter... (Page 5)
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 2013-08-19 11:30 AM in reply to: TriMyBest |
Pro  5761     Bartlett, TN |  Subject: RE: Dear Daughter...Originally posted by TriMyBest Originally posted by switch Originally posted by BrianRunsPhilly Originally posted by Left Brain Like X100. I know in that other thread I was jokingly referring to the fact that as my boys grow they occasionally appear almost human, but the truth it that the greatest part of parenting is when you see them mature as individuals. What you say here is exactly the truth. Originally posted by KateTri1 Originally posted by Left Brain The Catholics forbid sex before marriage........ I'm just saying. What are you "saying"? I'm saying that forbidding a natural human function is a failed experiment. Here's what I deal with. I'm not sure I can use another word to accurately portray where my 15 year old son is with this issue so I will just say that he is hounded on his phone, his facebook account, and in person by girls. As the biggest and arguably most athletic boy in his class it's amazing what I have seen girls text and facebook to him. It's become a matter of great entertainment for us....but it's really not that funny. I know it's only a matter of time before some girl, or guy (I don't control that either although I'll use girls because that seems to be his orientation), becomes an object of affection for him. Once that happens, probably sooner then later, all he will have to fall back on is his good relationship with me, and the guidance I can hopefully provide. Maybe he'll wait until he gets married, or maybe he won't because he can't......it's natural, and powerful. What he doesn't have to be is disrespectful, what he doesn't have to be is irresponsible, and most certainly it doesn't have to be something that he hides or is ashamed of. It's my job and my responsibility to walk him down that road, and I will. I like the prospects for my son's future.....he's a great kid with many talents. I consider a pothole filled with bad choices when it comes to sex to be one of the greatest obstacles in that future...but I also like his chances as long as he and I keep our relationship strong and he feels like he can confide in me. I figure once I "forbid" him from doing something....especially something that is good and natural, his confidence in me as someone he can talk to erodes......I'm not interested in that. I'm interested in him maturing as a person and an athlete with goals and dreams who's future remains bright. This, exactly, this in every way. Great post LB. x3. Excellent post! Just to pile on with some more thoughts... One approach is never going to be best for every kid. Take three different kids and raise them exactly the same, and you can get three completely different outcomes, but I do think there are certain approaches that tend to work more consistently than others if the end goal is raising an educated, well-adjusted, happy, responsible member of society. IMO, emphasizing core values including honesty, respect for others, self confidence, independence, open communication, and a good work ethic will tip the odds in favor of a good outcome and away from a kid becoming a train wreck regardless of where any of us falls regarding a lot of the details discussed in this thread. I also believe that blindly following a particular approach to raising your children and ignoring how they are developing as people is playing with fire. Sometimes as parents we need to change tactics as our children develop, because what worked when they were 12 or 13 probably isn't going to work when they're 15 or 16.
I am still not understanding the statement "Maybe he'll wait until he gets married, or maybe he won't because he can't....." in this post everyone is raving about. Why couldn't he wait??? |
| 2013-08-19 11:41 AM in reply to: jford2309 |
Regular 5477 LHOTP | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by jford2309 He could wait. You're right. It is a choice.Originally posted by TriMyBest Originally posted by switch Originally posted by BrianRunsPhilly Originally posted by Left Brain Like X100. I know in that other thread I was jokingly referring to the fact that as my boys grow they occasionally appear almost human, but the truth it that the greatest part of parenting is when you see them mature as individuals. What you say here is exactly the truth. Originally posted by KateTri1 Originally posted by Left Brain The Catholics forbid sex before marriage........ I'm just saying. What are you "saying"? I'm saying that forbidding a natural human function is a failed experiment. Here's what I deal with. I'm not sure I can use another word to accurately portray where my 15 year old son is with this issue so I will just say that he is hounded on his phone, his facebook account, and in person by girls. As the biggest and arguably most athletic boy in his class it's amazing what I have seen girls text and facebook to him. It's become a matter of great entertainment for us....but it's really not that funny. I know it's only a matter of time before some girl, or guy (I don't control that either although I'll use girls because that seems to be his orientation), becomes an object of affection for him. Once that happens, probably sooner then later, all he will have to fall back on is his good relationship with me, and the guidance I can hopefully provide. Maybe he'll wait until he gets married, or maybe he won't because he can't......it's natural, and powerful. What he doesn't have to be is disrespectful, what he doesn't have to be is irresponsible, and most certainly it doesn't have to be something that he hides or is ashamed of. It's my job and my responsibility to walk him down that road, and I will. I like the prospects for my son's future.....he's a great kid with many talents. I consider a pothole filled with bad choices when it comes to sex to be one of the greatest obstacles in that future...but I also like his chances as long as he and I keep our relationship strong and he feels like he can confide in me. I figure once I "forbid" him from doing something....especially something that is good and natural, his confidence in me as someone he can talk to erodes......I'm not interested in that. I'm interested in him maturing as a person and an athlete with goals and dreams who's future remains bright. This, exactly, this in every way. Great post LB. x3. Excellent post! Just to pile on with some more thoughts... One approach is never going to be best for every kid. Take three different kids and raise them exactly the same, and you can get three completely different outcomes, but I do think there are certain approaches that tend to work more consistently than others if the end goal is raising an educated, well-adjusted, happy, responsible member of society. IMO, emphasizing core values including honesty, respect for others, self confidence, independence, open communication, and a good work ethic will tip the odds in favor of a good outcome and away from a kid becoming a train wreck regardless of where any of us falls regarding a lot of the details discussed in this thread. I also believe that blindly following a particular approach to raising your children and ignoring how they are developing as people is playing with fire. Sometimes as parents we need to change tactics as our children develop, because what worked when they were 12 or 13 probably isn't going to work when they're 15 or 16.
I am still not understanding the statement "Maybe he'll wait until he gets married, or maybe he won't because he can't....." in this post everyone is raving about. Why couldn't he wait??? "Can't" as I understand LB's use here means his son is making the choice to not wait anymore because he has considered the options and has decided not to. Doesn't sound like LB's house has the wait until you're married policy, so it's just not applicable. (I don't mean to speak for LB in any way, just explaining my interpretation and agreement with his post). |
| 2013-08-19 11:44 AM in reply to: 0 |
Pro 9391 Omaha, NE | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by KateTri1 Originally posted by tuwood Originally posted by ScudRunner This thread now has me thinking about the scene in Chasing Amy where they talk about open communication about sex (specifically during) reducing the risk of permanent injury... I'm curious about different folk's reasons for linking sex and marriage so directly and intensely. jford was pretty clear about it, why do the rest of the group on that side of the fence feel that way? Great question, and I'll try to articulate my thoughts on the subject. I'm a Christian and I do believe that the bible is a guide to how we should live our lives. The bible does forbid sex outside of marriage (fornication) as well as adultery and many other things. It's easy for me to say it's as simple as that for me, but it's not.
it should be that simple... One claims to be a Christian than turn words around, that are in the Bible that clearly forbid sex outside of marriage.. and wishy washy it? I'm not sure I understand. Are you suggesting that I'm wishy washy'ing it? I tried to offer more depth and foundation to my beliefs. I believe the Bible is cut and dry on the issue, but if I just beat my kids over the head with the Bible and tell them not to "sin" then I've lost before I even begin. Regarding my kids; if they choose to have sex outside of marriage I will love them no less and I will not judge them. Same goes for any sin in their life's. It's not my place to judge and they have free will to do whatever they want. I have instilled a foundation for them to live their lives upon if they choose to do that, but that's all I can do. Edited by tuwood 2013-08-19 11:46 AM |
| 2013-08-19 11:48 AM in reply to: tuwood |
Regular 5477 LHOTP | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by tuwood Tony, I like you more and more with every post. It's nice to know a Christian like you :)Originally posted by KateTri1 Originally posted by tuwood Originally posted by ScudRunner This thread now has me thinking about the scene in Chasing Amy where they talk about open communication about sex (specifically during) reducing the risk of permanent injury... I'm curious about different folk's reasons for linking sex and marriage so directly and intensely. jford was pretty clear about it, why do the rest of the group on that side of the fence feel that way? Great question, and I'll try to articulate my thoughts on the subject. I'm a Christian and I do believe that the bible is a guide to how we should live our lives. The bible does forbid sex outside of marriage (fornication) as well as adultery and many other things. It's easy for me to say it's as simple as that for me, but it's not.
it should be that simple... One claims to be a Christian than turn words around, that are in the Bible that clearly forbid sex outside of marriage.. and wishy washy it? I'm not sure I understand. Are you suggesting that I'm wishy washy'ing it? I tried to offer more depth and foundation to my beliefs. I belief the Bible is cut and dry on the issue, but if I just beat my kids over the head with the Bible and tell them not to "sin" then I've lost before I even begin. Regarding my kids; if they choose to have sex outside of marriage I will love them no less and I will not judge them. Same goes for any sin in their life's. It's not my place to judge and they have free will to do whatever they want. I have instilled a foundation for them to live their lives upon if they choose to do that, but that's all I can do. |
| 2013-08-19 11:53 AM in reply to: tuwood |
Pro 5755 | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by tuwood Originally posted by KateTri1 Originally posted by tuwood Originally posted by ScudRunner This thread now has me thinking about the scene in Chasing Amy where they talk about open communication about sex (specifically during) reducing the risk of permanent injury... I'm curious about different folk's reasons for linking sex and marriage so directly and intensely. jford was pretty clear about it, why do the rest of the group on that side of the fence feel that way? Great question, and I'll try to articulate my thoughts on the subject. I'm a Christian and I do believe that the bible is a guide to how we should live our lives. The bible does forbid sex outside of marriage (fornication) as well as adultery and many other things. It's easy for me to say it's as simple as that for me, but it's not.
it should be that simple... One claims to be a Christian than turn words around, that are in the Bible that clearly forbid sex outside of marriage.. and wishy washy it? I'm not sure I understand. Are you suggesting that I'm wishy washy'ing it? I tried to offer more depth and foundation to my beliefs. I believe the Bible is cut and dry on the issue, but if I just beat my kids over the head with the Bible and tell them not to "sin" then I've lost before I even begin. Regarding my kids; if they choose to have sex outside of marriage I will love them no less and I will not judge them. Same goes for any sin in their life's. It's not my place to judge and they have free will to do whatever they want. I have instilled a foundation for them to live their lives upon if they choose to do that, but that's all I can do. That is pretty must any of us as parents can do, Tony. And I believe my kids are important enough to use all tools at my disposal. A moral compass is a good place to start because it cover a lot more than whether or not to have sex outside of marriage. Passing on good ethics, whether through religion or not, means you can worry a little less when you're not physically there to guide them. |
| 2013-08-19 12:11 PM in reply to: switch |
Elite 6387 | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by switch Originally posted by powerman Well, I'd have to be in the mood first, and you're kinda suckin at that todayOriginally posted by switch When you put quotes around something to reference what someone said you need to directly quote them, not paraphrase and omit. Looks to me like you read what you wrote, not what I wrote. When you use the terms conservatives and liberals, and make a judgment of what values or approaches you deem as better... don't be so suprised when someone takes it as such. My parents were quite conservative, not politically, socially... yet they "demistified" everything for me. Quite blunt, to the point, even informative.... and I wanted to try it all out as soon as I could. I'm very curious. I guess at this time, if we were the last two people on Earth... sex is out of the question?  That figures. The only guy left on Earth says something to the only girl left on Earth that manages to tick her off and cut him off. Sex was easy, but my parents never taught me how to not off girls. |
| 2013-08-19 12:16 PM in reply to: tuwood |
Elite 6387 | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by tuwood Originally posted by KateTri1 Originally posted by tuwood Originally posted by ScudRunner This thread now has me thinking about the scene in Chasing Amy where they talk about open communication about sex (specifically during) reducing the risk of permanent injury... I'm curious about different folk's reasons for linking sex and marriage so directly and intensely. jford was pretty clear about it, why do the rest of the group on that side of the fence feel that way? Great question, and I'll try to articulate my thoughts on the subject. I'm a Christian and I do believe that the bible is a guide to how we should live our lives. The bible does forbid sex outside of marriage (fornication) as well as adultery and many other things. It's easy for me to say it's as simple as that for me, but it's not.
it should be that simple... One claims to be a Christian than turn words around, that are in the Bible that clearly forbid sex outside of marriage.. and wishy washy it? I'm not sure I understand. Are you suggesting that I'm wishy washy'ing it? I tried to offer more depth and foundation to my beliefs. I believe the Bible is cut and dry on the issue, but if I just beat my kids over the head with the Bible and tell them not to "sin" then I've lost before I even begin. Regarding my kids; if they choose to have sex outside of marriage I will love them no less and I will not judge them. Same goes for any sin in their life's. It's not my place to judge and they have free will to do whatever they want. I have instilled a foundation for them to live their lives upon if they choose to do that, but that's all I can do. My parents never stood a chance when God him(her)self could not even "make" me do something. Nobody can make anyone do anything... but nothing is free. Every action has a consequence. Good or bad, but everything has a price. That is what you don't get out of. If you are willing to pay the price, then knock yourself out. |
| 2013-08-19 12:26 PM in reply to: tuwood |
Expert 1951 | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by tuwood Originally posted by KateTri1 Originally posted by tuwood Originally posted by ScudRunner This thread now has me thinking about the scene in Chasing Amy where they talk about open communication about sex (specifically during) reducing the risk of permanent injury... I'm curious about different folk's reasons for linking sex and marriage so directly and intensely. jford was pretty clear about it, why do the rest of the group on that side of the fence feel that way? Great question, and I'll try to articulate my thoughts on the subject. I'm a Christian and I do believe that the bible is a guide to how we should live our lives. The bible does forbid sex outside of marriage (fornication) as well as adultery and many other things. It's easy for me to say it's as simple as that for me, but it's not.
it should be that simple... One claims to be a Christian than turn words around, that are in the Bible that clearly forbid sex outside of marriage.. and wishy washy it? I'm not sure I understand. Are you suggesting that I'm wishy washy'ing it? I tried to offer more depth and foundation to my beliefs. I believe the Bible is cut and dry on the issue, but if I just beat my kids over the head with the Bible and tell them not to "sin" then I've lost before I even begin. Regarding my kids; if they choose to have sex outside of marriage I will love them no less and I will not judge them. Same goes for any sin in their life's. It's not my place to judge and they have free will to do whatever they want. I have instilled a foundation for them to live their lives upon if they choose to do that, but that's all I can do. ok.. I am understanding what you say. You tell them that the Bible prohibits sex before marriage, but if they choose to have do it.. it's ok. because it's their choice? I know this question and response sounds like baiting but, I often get confused by the words of Christians.. especially fundamentalists. If I were to find out that my son was messing around with a girl, he'd be in trouble. There would be negative consequences for his actions. (I know I said I'd kill him, but that was figurative) I would still love him and he knows that. Strongly. Why are people assuming in thread that someone like me, mindlessly bangs anyone over the head, judges their kids harshly, and skips over teaching values, just because they have house rules about some bodily functions..? LMAO |
| 2013-08-19 12:30 PM in reply to: KateTri1 |
Regular 5477 LHOTP | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by KateTri1 Originally posted by tuwood Originally posted by KateTri1 Originally posted by tuwood Originally posted by ScudRunner This thread now has me thinking about the scene in Chasing Amy where they talk about open communication about sex (specifically during) reducing the risk of permanent injury... I'm curious about different folk's reasons for linking sex and marriage so directly and intensely. jford was pretty clear about it, why do the rest of the group on that side of the fence feel that way? Great question, and I'll try to articulate my thoughts on the subject. I'm a Christian and I do believe that the bible is a guide to how we should live our lives. The bible does forbid sex outside of marriage (fornication) as well as adultery and many other things. It's easy for me to say it's as simple as that for me, but it's not.
it should be that simple... One claims to be a Christian than turn words around, that are in the Bible that clearly forbid sex outside of marriage.. and wishy washy it? I'm not sure I understand. Are you suggesting that I'm wishy washy'ing it? I tried to offer more depth and foundation to my beliefs. I believe the Bible is cut and dry on the issue, but if I just beat my kids over the head with the Bible and tell them not to "sin" then I've lost before I even begin. Regarding my kids; if they choose to have sex outside of marriage I will love them no less and I will not judge them. Same goes for any sin in their life's. It's not my place to judge and they have free will to do whatever they want. I have instilled a foundation for them to live their lives upon if they choose to do that, but that's all I can do. ok.. I am understanding what you say. You tell them that the Bible prohibits sex before marriage, but if they choose to have do it.. it's ok. because it's their choice? I know this question and response sounds like baiting but, I often get confused by the words of Christians.. especially fundamentalists. If I were to find out that my son was messing around with a girl, he'd be in trouble. There would be negative consequences for his actions. (I know I said I'd kill him, but that was figurative) I would still love him and he knows that. Strongly. Why are people assuming in thread that someone like me, mindlessly bangs anyone over the head, judges their kids harshly, and skips over teaching values, just because they have house rules about some bodily functions..? LMAO Just to be clear, Kate, I am not assuming this of you. My reference was to many of the Christians that I know in my town; it was in no way a reference to anyone on this board :) |
| 2013-08-19 12:49 PM in reply to: powerman |
Pro 5761 Bartlett, TN | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by powerman Originally posted by tuwood Originally posted by KateTri1 Originally posted by tuwood My parents never stood a chance when God him(her)self could not even "make" me do something. Nobody can make anyone do anything... but nothing is free. Every action has a consequence. Good or bad, but everything has a price. That is what you don't get out of. If you are willing to pay the price, then knock yourself out.
God doesn't make you do anything, we have free will to decide what we want to do or not do, and I agree that there are consequences to your decisions |
| 2013-08-19 1:03 PM in reply to: KateTri1 |
Pro 9391 Omaha, NE | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by KateTri1 Originally posted by tuwood Originally posted by KateTri1 Originally posted by tuwood Originally posted by ScudRunner This thread now has me thinking about the scene in Chasing Amy where they talk about open communication about sex (specifically during) reducing the risk of permanent injury... I'm curious about different folk's reasons for linking sex and marriage so directly and intensely. jford was pretty clear about it, why do the rest of the group on that side of the fence feel that way? Great question, and I'll try to articulate my thoughts on the subject. I'm a Christian and I do believe that the bible is a guide to how we should live our lives. The bible does forbid sex outside of marriage (fornication) as well as adultery and many other things. It's easy for me to say it's as simple as that for me, but it's not.
it should be that simple... One claims to be a Christian than turn words around, that are in the Bible that clearly forbid sex outside of marriage.. and wishy washy it? I'm not sure I understand. Are you suggesting that I'm wishy washy'ing it? I tried to offer more depth and foundation to my beliefs. I believe the Bible is cut and dry on the issue, but if I just beat my kids over the head with the Bible and tell them not to "sin" then I've lost before I even begin. Regarding my kids; if they choose to have sex outside of marriage I will love them no less and I will not judge them. Same goes for any sin in their life's. It's not my place to judge and they have free will to do whatever they want. I have instilled a foundation for them to live their lives upon if they choose to do that, but that's all I can do. ok.. I am understanding what you say. You tell them that the Bible prohibits sex before marriage, but if they choose to have do it.. it's ok. because it's their choice? I know this question and response sounds like baiting but, I often get confused by the words of Christians.. especially fundamentalists. If I were to find out that my son was messing around with a girl, he'd be in trouble. There would be negative consequences for his actions. (I know I said I'd kill him, but that was figurative) I would still love him and he knows that. Strongly. Why are people assuming in thread that someone like me, mindlessly bangs anyone over the head, judges their kids harshly, and skips over teaching values, just because they have house rules about some bodily functions..? LMAO Just a slight clarification, I don't go to the extent of saying "it's OK" if they do it. I will tell them I don't approve of their decisions, and reinforce why I don't. However, I will not judge them or think negatively of them for their choices. If they do decide to continue in those choices I will help them navigate those waters as best I can, through helping them get protection or whatever. My oldest who is heading off to college tomorrow has had a lot of exposure to church and knows where I stand on everything. However, he's still searching and doesn't really know if he believes in this God thing (he's stubborn like me). We've had lots of very deep discussions about everything from creation/evolution, abortion, global warming, gay marriage, you name it). He has a lot of questions and some of his opinions are very different than mine. I love him no less for any of his beliefs and even commend him for thinking critically. I've always told him the last thing I want is for him to say he agrees with me on something when he really doesn't. For whatever reason, he absolutely has no issues with sex outside of marriage, even though we've espoused against it for many years. However, he's such a clean cut kid who has a strong moral compass that he can't really just go out and be intimate with someone. I'm pretty confident he wouldn't even consider it unless he was in a serious committed relationship. He's 18, (almost 19) and hasn't had that real serious relationship yet, so no matter what he's way ahead of where i was at that age as far as I'm concerned. I also agree that a lot of Christians really miss the boat on topics like this. It's not our place as Christians to judge others, yet so many do ("Do not judge, or you too will be judged", Matthew 7:1). I am to judge my own actions as they line up to the life lived by Jesus. No matter what, I am going to fall short (Romans 3:23) but I confess the sin in my life when it does occur and pray for the strength to be a better example to others. |
| 2013-08-19 1:12 PM in reply to: switch |
Pro 9391 Omaha, NE | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by switch Originally posted by tuwood Tony, I like you more and more with every post. It's nice to know a Christian like you Originally posted by KateTri1 Originally posted by tuwood Originally posted by ScudRunner This thread now has me thinking about the scene in Chasing Amy where they talk about open communication about sex (specifically during) reducing the risk of permanent injury... I'm curious about different folk's reasons for linking sex and marriage so directly and intensely. jford was pretty clear about it, why do the rest of the group on that side of the fence feel that way? Great question, and I'll try to articulate my thoughts on the subject. I'm a Christian and I do believe that the bible is a guide to how we should live our lives. The bible does forbid sex outside of marriage (fornication) as well as adultery and many other things. It's easy for me to say it's as simple as that for me, but it's not.
it should be that simple... One claims to be a Christian than turn words around, that are in the Bible that clearly forbid sex outside of marriage.. and wishy washy it? I'm not sure I understand. Are you suggesting that I'm wishy washy'ing it? I tried to offer more depth and foundation to my beliefs. I belief the Bible is cut and dry on the issue, but if I just beat my kids over the head with the Bible and tell them not to "sin" then I've lost before I even begin. Regarding my kids; if they choose to have sex outside of marriage I will love them no less and I will not judge them. Same goes for any sin in their life's. It's not my place to judge and they have free will to do whatever they want. I have instilled a foundation for them to live their lives upon if they choose to do that, but that's all I can do.  I like you too, but not in a last two people on earth kind of way like Powerman. |
| 2013-08-19 1:13 PM in reply to: tuwood |
Champion 11989 Philly 'burbs | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by tuwood So, if marriage is an unnatural state, do you feel monogamy is more of a societal thing than a natural thing? Maybe I'm misinterpreting what you're saying. There are more than a few guys on this site who would like to know her stance on monogamy |
| 2013-08-19 1:17 PM in reply to: mrbbrad |
Pro 9391 Omaha, NE | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by mrbbrad Originally posted by tuwood So, if marriage is an unnatural state, do you feel monogamy is more of a societal thing than a natural thing? Maybe I'm misinterpreting what you're saying. There are more than a few guys on this site who would like to know her stance on monogamy lol, Free love....
|
| 2013-08-19 1:19 PM in reply to: powerman |
Champion 34263 Chicago | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by powerman Originally posted by switch Originally posted by powerman Well, I'd have to be in the mood first, and you're kinda suckin at that todayOriginally posted by switch When you put quotes around something to reference what someone said you need to directly quote them, not paraphrase and omit. Looks to me like you read what you wrote, not what I wrote. When you use the terms conservatives and liberals, and make a judgment of what values or approaches you deem as better... don't be so suprised when someone takes it as such. My parents were quite conservative, not politically, socially... yet they "demistified" everything for me. Quite blunt, to the point, even informative.... and I wanted to try it all out as soon as I could. I'm very curious. I guess at this time, if we were the last two people on Earth... sex is out of the question? That figures. The only guy left on Earth says something to the only girl left on Earth that manages to tick her off and cut him off. Sex was easy, but my parents never taught me how to not off girls. That is a lesson that can't be taught. Because nobody yet has the answer. Not even girls. |
| 2013-08-19 1:21 PM in reply to: tuwood |
Champion 34263 Chicago | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by tuwood Originally posted by mrbbrad Originally posted by tuwood So, if marriage is an unnatural state, do you feel monogamy is more of a societal thing than a natural thing? Maybe I'm misinterpreting what you're saying. There are more than a few guys on this site who would like to know her stance on monogamy lol, Free love....
Why did you put LOL in front of that and the sarc font? Seems to me that the people in the `free love' movement were quite happy. |
| 2013-08-19 1:26 PM in reply to: mr2tony |
Pro 9391 Omaha, NE | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by mr2tony Originally posted by tuwood Why did you put LOL in front of that and the sarc font? Seems to me that the people in the `free love' movement were quite happy. Originally posted by mrbbrad Originally posted by tuwood So, if marriage is an unnatural state, do you feel monogamy is more of a societal thing than a natural thing? Maybe I'm misinterpreting what you're saying. There are more than a few guys on this site who would like to know her stance on monogamy lol, Free love....
It was just all the drugs making them think they were happy. |
| 2013-08-19 1:34 PM in reply to: tuwood |
Pro 5755 | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by tuwood Originally posted by mrbbrad Originally posted by tuwood So, if marriage is an unnatural state, do you feel monogamy is more of a societal thing than a natural thing? Maybe I'm misinterpreting what you're saying. There are more than a few guys on this site who would like to know her stance on monogamy lol, Free love....
I feel better knowing you don't condone paying... |
| 2013-08-19 1:34 PM in reply to: tuwood |
Champion 34263 Chicago | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... I knew you'd say that. |
| 2013-08-19 1:38 PM in reply to: switch |
Champion 11989 Philly 'burbs | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by switch Originally posted by jford2309 He could wait. You're right. It is a choice.Originally posted by TriMyBest Originally posted by switch Originally posted by BrianRunsPhilly Originally posted by Left Brain Like X100. I know in that other thread I was jokingly referring to the fact that as my boys grow they occasionally appear almost human, but the truth it that the greatest part of parenting is when you see them mature as individuals. What you say here is exactly the truth. Originally posted by KateTri1 Originally posted by Left Brain The Catholics forbid sex before marriage........ I'm just saying. What are you "saying"? I'm saying that forbidding a natural human function is a failed experiment. Here's what I deal with. I'm not sure I can use another word to accurately portray where my 15 year old son is with this issue so I will just say that he is hounded on his phone, his facebook account, and in person by girls. As the biggest and arguably most athletic boy in his class it's amazing what I have seen girls text and facebook to him. It's become a matter of great entertainment for us....but it's really not that funny. I know it's only a matter of time before some girl, or guy (I don't control that either although I'll use girls because that seems to be his orientation), becomes an object of affection for him. Once that happens, probably sooner then later, all he will have to fall back on is his good relationship with me, and the guidance I can hopefully provide. Maybe he'll wait until he gets married, or maybe he won't because he can't......it's natural, and powerful. What he doesn't have to be is disrespectful, what he doesn't have to be is irresponsible, and most certainly it doesn't have to be something that he hides or is ashamed of. It's my job and my responsibility to walk him down that road, and I will. I like the prospects for my son's future.....he's a great kid with many talents. I consider a pothole filled with bad choices when it comes to sex to be one of the greatest obstacles in that future...but I also like his chances as long as he and I keep our relationship strong and he feels like he can confide in me. I figure once I "forbid" him from doing something....especially something that is good and natural, his confidence in me as someone he can talk to erodes......I'm not interested in that. I'm interested in him maturing as a person and an athlete with goals and dreams who's future remains bright. This, exactly, this in every way. Great post LB. x3. Excellent post! Just to pile on with some more thoughts... One approach is never going to be best for every kid. Take three different kids and raise them exactly the same, and you can get three completely different outcomes, but I do think there are certain approaches that tend to work more consistently than others if the end goal is raising an educated, well-adjusted, happy, responsible member of society. IMO, emphasizing core values including honesty, respect for others, self confidence, independence, open communication, and a good work ethic will tip the odds in favor of a good outcome and away from a kid becoming a train wreck regardless of where any of us falls regarding a lot of the details discussed in this thread. I also believe that blindly following a particular approach to raising your children and ignoring how they are developing as people is playing with fire. Sometimes as parents we need to change tactics as our children develop, because what worked when they were 12 or 13 probably isn't going to work when they're 15 or 16.
I am still not understanding the statement "Maybe he'll wait until he gets married, or maybe he won't because he can't....." in this post everyone is raving about. Why couldn't he wait??? "Can't" as I understand LB's use here means his son is making the choice to not wait anymore because he has considered the options and has decided not to. Doesn't sound like LB's house has the wait until you're married policy, so it's just not applicable. (I don't mean to speak for LB in any way, just explaining my interpretation and agreement with his post).
They way I read it was that the kid "can't" because girls are throwing themselves at him. Yes, at the end of the day it is a choice, but as much as the kid may want to refrain he may become unable to resist their womanly wiles. |
| 2013-08-19 1:57 PM in reply to: mr2tony |
Regular 5477 LHOTP | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by mr2tony Originally posted by tuwood Why did you put LOL in front of that and the sarc font? Seems to me that the people in the `free love' movement were quite happy. Originally posted by mrbbrad Originally posted by tuwood So, if marriage is an unnatural state, do you feel monogamy is more of a societal thing than a natural thing? Maybe I'm misinterpreting what you're saying. There are more than a few guys on this site who would like to know her stance on monogamy lol, Free love.... :)
I want to know why Brad's was in sarc font. Like Tony, I think it's interesting to hear people's points of view and how they got there.I don't mind talking about this stuff. I have almost zero sexual hangups, but I am married and would like to remain so. There were some cool things about "free love" but STD stuff is real and scary. It ain't the 60s no more. |
| 2013-08-19 2:17 PM in reply to: switch |
Champion 11989 Philly 'burbs | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by switch Originally posted by mr2tony Originally posted by tuwood Why did you put LOL in front of that and the sarc font? Seems to me that the people in the `free love' movement were quite happy. Originally posted by mrbbrad Originally posted by tuwood So, if marriage is an unnatural state, do you feel monogamy is more of a societal thing than a natural thing? Maybe I'm misinterpreting what you're saying. There are more than a few guys on this site who would like to know her stance on monogamy lol, Free love....
I want to know why Brad's was in sarc font. Like Tony, I think it's interesting to hear people's points of view and how they got there.I don't mind talking about this stuff. I have almost zero sexual hangups, but I am married and would like to remain so. There were some cool things about "free love" but STD stuff is real and scary. It ain't the 60s no more. I used the sarc font because I was making assumptions about what other guys may be thinking. I can't be the only one, but I hedged my bet. |
| 2013-08-19 2:20 PM in reply to: mrbbrad |
Regular 5477 LHOTP | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by mrbbrad I'm still a little lost, but I think you mean this as a compliment, so I'll take it that way :)Originally posted by switch Originally posted by mr2tony Originally posted by tuwood Why did you put LOL in front of that and the sarc font? Seems to me that the people in the `free love' movement were quite happy. Originally posted by mrbbrad Originally posted by tuwood So, if marriage is an unnatural state, do you feel monogamy is more of a societal thing than a natural thing? Maybe I'm misinterpreting what you're saying. There are more than a few guys on this site who would like to know her stance on monogamy lol, Free love.... :)
I want to know why Brad's was in sarc font. Like Tony, I think it's interesting to hear people's points of view and how they got there.I don't mind talking about this stuff. I have almost zero sexual hangups, but I am married and would like to remain so. There were some cool things about "free love" but STD stuff is real and scary. It ain't the 60s no more. I used the sarc font because I was making assumptions about what other guys may be thinking. I can't be the only one, but I hedged my bet. |
| 2013-08-19 2:39 PM in reply to: mr2tony |
Elite 6387 | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by mr2tony Originally posted by powerman That is a lesson that can't be taught. Because nobody yet has the answer. Not even girls. Originally posted by switch Originally posted by powerman Well, I'd have to be in the mood first, and you're kinda suckin at that todayOriginally posted by switch When you put quotes around something to reference what someone said you need to directly quote them, not paraphrase and omit. Looks to me like you read what you wrote, not what I wrote. When you use the terms conservatives and liberals, and make a judgment of what values or approaches you deem as better... don't be so suprised when someone takes it as such. My parents were quite conservative, not politically, socially... yet they "demistified" everything for me. Quite blunt, to the point, even informative.... and I wanted to try it all out as soon as I could. I'm very curious. I guess at this time, if we were the last two people on Earth... sex is out of the question? That figures. The only guy left on Earth says something to the only girl left on Earth that manages to tick her off and cut him off. Sex was easy, but my parents never taught me how to not off girls. Word. |
| 2013-08-19 3:15 PM in reply to: powerman |
Regular 5477 LHOTP | Subject: RE: Dear Daughter... Originally posted by powerman I have the answer, but I'm not telling;)Originally posted by mr2tony Originally posted by powerman That is a lesson that can't be taught. Because nobody yet has the answer. Not even girls. Originally posted by switch Originally posted by powerman Well, I'd have to be in the mood first, and you're kinda suckin at that today;) Originally posted by switch When you put quotes around something to reference what someone said you need to directly quote them, not paraphrase and omit. Looks to me like you read what you wrote, not what I wrote. When you use the terms conservatives and liberals, and make a judgment of what values or approaches you deem as better... don't be so suprised when someone takes it as such. My parents were quite conservative, not politically, socially... yet they "demistified" everything for me. Quite blunt, to the point, even informative.... and I wanted to try it all out as soon as I could. I'm very curious. I guess at this time, if we were the last two people on Earth... sex is out of the question? That figures. The only guy left on Earth says something to the only girl left on Earth that manages to tick her off and cut him off. Sex was easy, but my parents never taught me how to not off girls. Word. |
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