TAN #178: If TANning were an Olympic sport ... (Page 63)

She lost her stores she had and now is not having the life she wanted after the divorce. Her job at Northrop Grumman is pressuring her to take this job (again she says). It will be a pay raise and say says the area she would move to is much cheaper than here so she could afford land with lots of animals for the kids (again trying to make me think this is the best for the kids). I am waiting on information on where she is planning to move to but doing a search I found the NG in VA is located in Falls Church and that looks close to DC.

Really this all comes down to two things.

1) Do I think VA will be better for my kids.

2) Do I think my ex will become the co-parent she is saying she will be.

Right now my answer to both is no.

falls church is NOT "the hills", that is DC sprawl.  cost of living is very high.  most schools are probably good (but i don't know).  bonus is close to dulles, and therefore easy to get the kids on a plane to CA.  if she is planning to buy lots of land/animals (wtf?) she is talking about living close to WV and commuting 1-2 hours each way every day.  also, NG is EVERYWHERE in VA.  there is NG around the corner from my townhouse.  there is NG on the southside.  there is LOTS of NG in the DC area.

you can't answer 1 - the question makes no sense.  how would you justify that?  VA is not bad for kids.  neither is CA.

number 2 is easy - she has already shown you her ability to co-parent.  it is nonexistent.  it will get worse if she moves to virginia.

I agree

So anyways.. How are you doing Meh?

good!  training like a real live triathlete again and finally busy at work, i like it!

IMO-Having two parents who can be part of their children's life as often and routine as possible is what is best for kids (and the other parent-if they are smart) who are under 18.

I know this is not possible in all cases but then you better have a lot of money to be spending on flights to and from, hotels, meals, and emergency trips cause being away when you are not built for this is going to be HARD.

Sorry for you BA, but in years to come I will be the one wanting to move and will face this same battle but as mentioned before the ex and I decided not until the kids are old enough to travel solo and they are in HS. 

Ok back to being the DB you guys know and love.

So my friend is going to take me out after work to cheer me up. Super hot 21 year old actor/model/bartender and I don't know if it will cheer me up but I am willing to give it a try.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3399284/ 

Cute Girl

Sorry to hear all that Cord.
I don't know all the details (sounds like you don't yet, either) but at first glance like MEH said - the DC area (which is HUGE) is not cheap and in my opinion will be a culture shock for your kids. I have limited travel/vacation experience to both Cali and DC there so can't speak as an expert, but the vibe I got was that DC is fast paced and hectic, even when I went 90 minutes south to a Navy base community. It's just a different world. Not one I would want to live in but millions of people do every day, so what do I know.

As for finances, again with MEH here, there are about one billion other places that would be cheaper than DC area. Any sort of quick research will tell you this. I'd be wary of promises as like you said, she's sugar coating everything to get her way.

Sounds like there is much more to the story - is there a guy involved?  

Found out it's the most west part of VA almost near the state lines. She is already married and I guess he is following along for the ride. What it boils down to is that it would be a great move for her and she will not give up majority time with the kids so she is doing everything she can to convince me if I really love the kids I will do the best thing and let them go. She is being perfect and nice and the ex wife I always wanted. The problem is I know it’s just an act

Oh and she hasn't asked my kids yet because she knows my girl most likely will not want to go.

The ex-wife I always wanted......snerk!

 Seriously! She was kind and not judging. Was smiling and joking and we talked about the kids and shared insights we both have about them that the other did not know. It was amazing but too bad it's not the way it will always be.

For her it would have to be some kind of meth or pills to be believable

Damn little azns!

Cord, I don't know your situation, and every one is different.  Also, this is just my opinion, so take it as that.  I don't see very many positive outcomes in her proposed scenario.  Moving children across the country from a parent that they regularly see is a bad idea.  Not only for the children, but for you as well.  

The simple logistics of seeing your kids will becomes significantly more difficult, and expensive.  Is she, or you, going to drop the $$ for unaccompanied minors to travel cross country multiple times a year?  Are you going to travel out there to see them?  If so, there is the cost of travel, to include a hotel, rental car, meals, etc.

Sounds like she is playing on you being a good parent to "guilt" you into saying yes.  Again, only my opinion, but I wouldn't go along with this plan under any circumstances.

I have seen first-hand the effects of a cross-country parenting arrangement.  The first year follows closely the plan of multiple visits, etc.  Then, life gets in the way.  Schedules don't mesh, finances change.  Pretty soon, you are struggling to see the kids once or twice a year.  The kids grow up not knowing you, or vice-versa.  And then there are the latent feelings of abandonment, and distrust associated with not "knowing" your parent.

All around a bad idea for you, and your kids.  Again, just my opinion.

Oh I agree with you. Right now I am just getting all my facts together and I will have to get my ducks in a row before she takes it to court.

I know I'm WAY over simplifying it...  But I'm entitled to my kids as much as she is.  If she wants to move, leave the kids, or she doesn't move.  I wouldn't put much more thought into it.

Don't move or leave the kids.  Period.

"What's good for the kids" is being with their father as they are entitled to.  Not a city.

Don't have to be nasty about it, but there is no point in discussing any other options if it were me.

Is she bringing her drift king boyfriend?

I don't see how she has a case with joint custody.  Can't move without your permission, as far as I know.