Becoming Sober (Page 7)

Yes and no. I'm a tad over 29 years and I have to think hard about it sometimes to get the number right, but the first few years or so I counted every day. Well, I counted every day one day at a time of course

Yeah, the date, the circumstances and the horrible horrible place my mind and life were in are things I NEVER want to forget.  I do not ever ever ever want to go back to those places and remembering them helps remind me of where I can easily return if I chose.

which is why new comers are so important to those with longer sobriety. when I hear those raw emotions, the turmoil, the regret and self loathing... it rockets me back to my last drunk ... it helps me to keep my perspective and to realize i only have today ... each day is a new day and i want to choose sobriety. So hearing newcomers keeps my memories of my past boozing life as a reminder that i could get all that misery back (and more) if i picked up again. God I don't want to go back to that hell hole!

Hey Tyler great to see this thread, and you, still going strong.

I'm a bit of a hard nut to crack (especially when it comes to acknowledging illness), so I had many such moments, only to have them again, and a few of them are pretty flamboyant, since that too is what my life generally is like.

I think many of us have external events that precipitate such realizations, but to a soul it's usually that moment when we connect that sinking pit we feel inside to how we've been drinking.

But since you asked ...

The final time I've had to realize I needed to become sober was when I woke up on my balcony in broad daylight, half dressed (won't tell you which half), after a housewarming party I'd thrown the night before to which I'd very intelligently invited (underage) students, since I was an instructor at the time.

No recollection what happened or how I got there.

I got my azz to a noon AA meeting. (Who gets sober on Super Bowl Sunday? I mean, REALLY?! The desperate one, that's who) I'm very much a one-day-at-a-time liver, but I needed to realize that I was *NEVER* going to be able to handle alcohol, and that feeding my alcoholism was the direct progenitor of how my life was falling apart inside and out.

When I was assaulted in '09. But then I became depressed because of the assault. It took me almost 3 years to get my head out of my arse. I've honestly never felt better, I don't miss it and my cravings, as strong as they have been in the past week because of what happened to my Dad I've fought through them quite well :D

Yes, you have, lady! You are truly an amazing beacon of light. My love and prayers to you and of course, {MELON PRESS}

Will you be flying home, when you can? Once again ... I truly am sorry. It takes a great spirit to know and persevere that alcohol will not serve you or your difficulties right now at all, quite the opposite.

Hopefully this weekend Yanti, I am heading to immigration tomorrow to speed up getting my GC receipt.....  Thank you for your kinds words Yanti, they really have meant a lot :D

Inside I knew for the longest time but did not want to admit it or do any work.  I didnt have to--I had a wife, two nice kids, was employed, 2 cars, house yada yada yada, but I hated it all.  I felt like the divey bars around downtown and my neighborhood were little slices of heaven that took me away from the life i thought sucked, the job i hated, my nasty wife, my bills, etc. etc. etc.   When I wouldnt hang out at a bar, or after i did, at home I would usually have a few more, watch history channel and pass out on the couch.

I smoked too.  One night I guess I couldnt find my lighter, so I lit cig on the gas stove burner. Went back to couch, finished cig, finished beer (always finished the beer) and passed out.  Of course, this was all in a blackout.  Next morning wife came down, saw stove was still lit and I was passed out on couch.  

After a few more choice words not to be repeated, she said "you couldve burned down the house.  I dont care if you kill yourself, but dont take me and the kids with you."  That was the moment I realized just how freaking out of control things were and that what I was doing was and could impact other people.  

That was January 29, 2002.  Havent had a drink since.    In AA I have learned a lot more about why I drank and much much more about why I can no longer.  Life hasnt been sunshine and lolipops since then, but I go a day at a time and havent been dealt anything that drinking over it would not make worse.

…by this time I was divorced. My kids and the ex all thought I had stopped drinking a few years earlier when I went though treatment.  Reality was my alcoholism had progressed to a point where I physically needed a drink every 3 or so hours. I would even wake up every 3 hours and need a drink or two. 

Saturday Feb 16 1991, I awoke at 06:00 had three beers and all was well.  I was getting dress to go pick up my son for soccer. When it dawned on me I wouldn’t be back at my apartment till after 1:00.   If I drank enough to sustain me till 1:00, I would be too drunk to drive and he would know I was still drinking. If I stopped now (07:00) I could maintain my cover of not drinking, but could not physically make it till 1:00.

I then realized that this was that insanity that I had heard people taking about at the AA meetings I was forced to attend during treatment.  Even though I had been powerless over alcohol (for a few years now) - my life had (suddenly) become unmanageable. 

With the grace of a Higher Power that I didn’t fully understand at the time, I got through that day. Went to my first meeting that night. So far I haven’t found it necessary to have a drink since. 

Needed to, or had no other choice but to do it or die? I knew I needed to long before I was properly motivated to do so. The latter came as I sat in jail after fleeing from police, crashing two cars, and having officers guns drawn on me. I make the distinction of having officers guns drawn because I had thug guns drawn on me before, but that did seem to bother me as much. Hey, they shot the guy with the baggie, not me.

Thank you all for sharing your stories, it has really been an eye opener to me....

I would love to say that I am still going strong with my streak, but I'm not.

I went on a 3 day drinking binge...I don't know why...I can't explain it.

I'm on day 2 sober, I just got back from a meeting...I got up and spoke today...it was one of the biggest releases I have ever felt in my life.  I also found another sober triathlete at my meeting, and he is going to be my sponsor..

It wasn't easy for me to come in here and tell you that I slipped up...I feel as though I let you all down, and for that I am sorry.

But, I will try again....

It takes what it takes. Glad to see you get some willingness.

You are allowed to do anything you want... just as long as you are willing to accept the consequences. You don't owe anyone anything.

Thanks all for your stories and your lives.  It truly is inspiring.

And thanks RushTogether for the last sentence in your last post:  "But, I will try again...."

Because you are likely an alcoholic? Not being snarky, far from it--I really relate. People who aren't alcoholics can often identify a trigger for a binge, and we--who knows? "Cunning, baffling, powerful ... " It's a strange malady. Good thing we don't have to understand it to treat it.

Being honest, going to meetings, sharing in meetings, getting a sponsor ... you are well on your way. We all do it one day at a time, and you've got today ... and all of us. {MELON PRESS}

"Do or Do not. There is no try."    Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who can not or will not completely give themselves to this simple program....

That said, welcome back!!  It sounds like you have taken a huge step toward sobriety in the last 2 days.  I would encourage you to call your sponsor regularly (even when you think you have nothing to say).

Yep, get right back on that wagon!  I relapsed for no reason at all.  It was terrible, I felt terrible and I tucked my tail and reached out for help here through personal messages, and went to meetings..  I found a good sponsor and I still call him almost everyday just to check in.  Call your sponsor every day for a while.  It really helps..

Also check www.soberrecovery.com   I posted a thread on there a few days ago about "how many times have you quit".  We are all fighting the same fight, and there are people with your exact same story willing to help...

Right on.  

Remember you are Human, things happen.   There are setbacks and missteps.   It's up to you to get back on that sober horse/bike and get and keep that streak going.

The best thing you did was admit the failure.  They happen.   Takes a big man to admit something like that on COJ.   

If I may ask,  did you get into a situation where you were around booze or did you go out and find it.   Reason I ask,  I walked through my grocery store and through the wine section, but I didn't buy any bottles.   Thought about it, but used the excuse of my colon problems to not inbibe.

Remember to take it a day at a time.  When the urge happens, do something else.

Is drinking alcohol and smoking tobacco the same type of addiction?  I just remember a class in HS that a teacher talked about physiolocgical and psycholgical factors.