The "No Kids Club" (Page 8)

To answer the bolded question - No, if the person was actually totally self-absorbed and self-important.  I don't believe that these people are 100% like that.  I'm thinking that, if the situation was provided, they would be wonderful parents.  BUT, the choice was made to not be parents or have kids, or a situation occurred to not allow them to have kids and they accepted it.

I agree with the term "cold", but not "uncaring" within the statement as related to perspective.

Either decision--to have children or not--is selfish. It's a decision you make because of something you want in (or not in) your life.

Saying, "I want kids because I want to love one and teach him baseball and take him to karate and have family cookouts with him and HIS kids 30 years from now" is just as selfish as saying "I don't want kids because I like not having to come home after work and take a child to baseball practice or karate lessons or prep for a big family BBQ."

I definitely want to have kids.  I feel like I would have completely missed out on the whole point of being a girl if I don't.  Now, should the time come and I can't...well, I'd have to be okay with that.  In which case I would probably adopt.

Right now it's not an option.  I can't find a sane, normal boy who also shaves his legs.  What can I say?  I like the shaved legs.

No...the poster didn't say that at all (at least not in this post--can't say if they've said it elsewhere). SImply that he wondered what HIS purpose in life was, and that he feels he found it in his kids. It's a perfectly valid statement.

My wife and I have said - if something happens, we'll accept it and become great parents because at that point we wouldnt have any other choice.  But the fact is we still have a choice and we choose not too.  It doesnt mean that Im cold, uncaring, selfish, or irresponsible - like my mother has said, because Im sure I could prove otherwise with my charity and mentoring work.  I just dont need the added ostracization and judgment from society that I get at every holiday and it is refreshing to see many other people joining our 'club' for reasons other than just medical. 

nm

Funny that this subject should come up. We were just talking about this as yesterday was my mom's birthday, I haven't spoken to my mom in a couple months, mainly, because every conversation we have ends up as an hour long summary of my nephew's life.  She has been their daycare for the last few years, they are now 12 and 10.  I get minute details of every aspect of their life.  Don't get me wrong, I love getting a 10 min version of how their lives are...but it is all my mom can talk about.  Husband and I, being gay, biologically cannot have kids, but even if I was straight, I just have never wanted them.  I don't really like dealing with them at all.  We have limited the time with the rest of the family, because every get together becomes all about the kids.  I use to be very close to my mother, but now I just feel a huge disconnect between my entire family.  Well, more of a disconnect than before (I really have no one that I can relate to at these get togethers). Is it selfish of me.  Yes!  I am ok with that.  Just like I think it is inconsiderate of my family, knowing how I feel about kids, to constantly bombard me with things about kids.  

I love my family, and I even love my nephews, but I just can't handle being around them for long periods of time.  

What is it that makes you not enjoy being around them for long periods of time?  Serious question and being inquisitive here.

interesting that this should come up again. Even though my wife and I were trying for the last...9 months to get pregnant, with some life changes now we have opted to hold off for another year to 18 months. We are both still young so there is no real rush (well relatively young in my, gulp, late 20's). I am still a big fan of only having one kid. I see no reason in this day and age, unless you live on a farm or in some special sect with hi infant/child mortality, to have more than one, two kids at the most. I really wish that population size could be seen as the issue it is. Granted eventually, with the food shortages, the issue will correct itself, but if we could stall population gorwth, or even reverse it a little, I believe everyone will be better. This will never happen in the US though because of our believe in personal freedoms (though it seems people give up every other freedom they have these days with the TSA/patriot act/etc).

OK off my soap box I guess. I will say I am all for those who have no kids. My friend calls herself a DINK (Dual Income No Kids) and says it with pride. I do not hold it against her and I know if my wife and I were unable to have kids, we would work with it. Maybe we would adopt - maybe we would just spoil our nieces and nephews, who knows. 

I actually had miss this thread....

You can add me to the "no kids" side.  The older i get the more certain and confident i feel about this decision and how it is the right one for me.  Love kids, worked for a long time in Early Childhood Education, but not to have any of my own.

Not answering for woof, but I don't really enjoy being around kids, either. If I'm being forced to justify my feelings, I'd have to say that I'm just not comfortable around them. I don't know what to say to them, and when I do talk to them it's awkward and forced. They're messy and loud and in my way. Sorry parents, I mean no offense. But (right now) I like my clean, quiet life. I shouldn't have to justify that to anyone but myself, and I shouldn't be made to feel that it's "wrong" to feel that way.

I see it as anything else in life... some things are just not for everyone. Example, some people hate cats, but you'd never interrogate them on WHY DON'T YOU OWN CATS?! THEY ARE SO AWESOME, EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE ONE! Ummm no, I just don't like cats, why can't you accept that?

And in regards to the article, this quote was a bit shocking to me:
In a 2003 survey of more than 20,000 parents that Dr. Phil conducted for his show, 40 percent reported that they wouldn't have had kids if they'd realized the difficulties of raising a family.

That is a surprising statistic, most people even if they would feel that way wouldnt admit to it.

There is a very interesting book, or at least i found it interesting, written by Daniel Gilbert "Stumbling on Happiness" that has a very interesting perspective in regards to parenthood.

Would you kick them if I brought mine around during IM Moo (they're well-mannered and wouldn't jump in your way on the course)??

Some people hate guns, computers, baby penguins, Elvis, etc., it's all different.  Speaking along those lines, WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA??

He was mentioned in the Details article that made me bring this thread back to life. 

x eleventy billion

My wife is 30 and I'm 29.  We've been married over 7 years and keep saying that maybe someday our feelings will change and we'll have the desire to have kids but it just isn't happening.  We're bot very uncomfortable and awkward around kids and have no desire to have some of our own.  It gets old having to justify why; the only honest answer is that we're too selfish and enjoy our life as it is.  To us, having kids presents a ton of negatives and very few positives. 

Well, even if i'm not married i have had to deal this often as well.  I have ended more than one relationship when the other person did not seem to get in her head that i know what i want and kids are not in my future.  I would keep hearing you will change your mind, you are only 30 and so on.

In certain ways is a double standard, when someone knows that they want to have kids they are commended for having a good head on their shoulders and knowing what they want in life.  On the other hand if your decision is not to have any, you often get the you don’t know what you want yet, and you are selfish comments.

I am not sure.  There is just a disconnection there with children (and some of my adult family memebers as well).  Sometimes I just feel like there isn't anyone that really gets me in the family, and the kids are only part of it.  There is no real connection with them, nothing that I do is really interesting to them and nothing that that are interested in is really interesting to me.  So I don't really know what to say to them, after the normal pleasantries are done.

While it does not involve kids, what you are explaining is not so strange - at least to me. I do not really get along or connect well with anyone in my family except my half brother (who is 41 to my 27). With my mom, my dad, grandparents, other sibling, other than general pleasentries there is nothing to talk about or discuss. We were not close when I was growing up though so me living so far away from them has only increased that is my guess. My in-laws and I however get along great.

I am 29 and single and do not have kids.  I would say that to this point in my life, it is by choice because I do not want to have children if I am not married.  It's not a moral or religious thing, just a personal belief.  Would I like to meet the right person, get married and have children, absolutely.  But if it doesn't happen, I am okay with that too.

Oh man, yes I respect everyone's decision, 

I happen to LOVE kids, and was heartbroken when my wife and I couldn't have our own.  We filled out  years worth of paperwork and traveled half way around the world to adopt two children from an orphanage.  I couldn't be any happier!

Agree with this.  I don't believe unselfishness is something that actually exists. 

This....just...wow.  Couldn't agree with you less.  I understand it wasn't meant as a personal jab, but your assertion that creating life is a bigger contribution to the world than not creating life is simply absurd.  New lives aren't always a good thing.  I realize we're just animals and propogation of our species may seem like our only purpose, but we're not doing so great with the people already here on earth, so adding more people can easily be seen as a detriment as much as an positive contribution.