Triathlon Dating Thread (Page 8)

I've tried to scare guys I'm actually dating off with that, and it has backfired horribly.

Then again, I'm not over 35. Yet. Soon.

I just about spit coffee all over my monitor!  Maybe I can go for a run, and you can just meet me @ Denny's.  

Really?  Do tell... please.  Does the story involve stalkers?

Ha. Which one?

You know ... I should have been warned off by the fact that the last one in the U.S. (that this happened with) had as his profile pic a photo of himself and his son ...

He had three kids already (all under 10) and was ostensibly divorced from wife. Super fun guy, active, good-looking, intelligent, and I loved seeing him and being with him, but wasn't wanting to commit to any one person at that time. One day he asks me how I feel about his kids, kids in general (and not really thinking before I blurt things out as I often do), I say, "I think kids are awesome! I want a baseball team of 'em!" (He plays baseball).

He is WAY TOO enthused about this prospect. I really couldn't believe it, especially since he already had his hands full with shared custody of the little 'uns ... and I wouldn't say stalkerish, but he'd show up at my place at like 7am on a Sunday morning. I'd either be groggy cottonmouth bedhead, or heading out for a ride ... anyhow, he quit that after someone who I happened to have spent the night with before answered the door.

I don't really get people who knock you for what you want. You want what you want, for your own reasons. Why pretend you want something you don't want?

As do I.  I don't recall saying he should not want what he wants only that for me and a number of women I know that would be a non-starter for no other reason that I am who I am not how old I am.  I know a number of women who do not want to be accepted or rejected on the basis of such a number.  You vastly reduce your potential dating pool not only of those older but of those younger who do not want to be judged by such an arbitrary criteria.  If that is one of your criteria then so be it accept the reduced pool but then don't complain you cannot find dates.

Isn't that sort of his goal here?

What about someone who wants kids?  I assume they're going to rule out people over a certain age most of the time.  It's just being upfront about what you want and not wasting the other person's time.

What a great story !  Love it - thanks for sharing.

You are absolutely correct but check the last line.  You can want what ever you want but accept the consequences of those choices.  That is like saying I will only eat blue M&Ms then complaining you didn't get enough M&Ms to statisfy you in the last bag.

I complain about match.com all the time - because I have been on there for months, and not one date has resulted from it.  And I don't believe it's because I have "reduced my dating pool" - I have a 12 year gap in age desired... (from 30-42 is a wide gap).  I don't want to date older than 42, and I don't want to date younger than 30.  Younger than that tends to be to inexperienced with life - to immature, and older than 42 (well, as stated earlier I have always dated older women, so I want to try to date someone younger).

I only email women that seem to be a good fit - active, adventurous, like the outdoors, fall in that age range - don't wan't any kids.....all my criteria.  After reading their profiles - I sound like the type of guy they are looking for based on their criteria, and nothing ever results from it.  

The site really sucks, as do other dating sites.  I think there are exceptions - but the most emails I have ever received from women was when I posted on my profile that this site sucks, and then the emails started rolling in from women who agreed with me.  LOL.  Was very funny.  

Sorry that was not wholly directed at you but was more a statement in general.

Heh Heh that is funny.  So there you go it is always good to start with a commonality. 

As a guy in my 30s I'll tell you something about dating sites: it's not your age preferences that have reduced your dating pool.  It's the fact that you specified "no kids".  Set that to "maybe" and watch the flood of profiles landing on your doorstep, so to speak.  Biology is what it is.

Edit: and yeah I know you don't want kids.

HAHAHA! I don't date. I don't complain about not dating - I make it a point not to date. I enjoy my life. I'm prepared to live the remainder of my life as I currently do. I allow that someone might come along and BLAM impress the hell out of me. But I'm not counting on it, nor do I yearn for it. I want what I have - freedom, independence, contentment, peace, fun, friends and family. I feel most grounded and settled when I'm living on my own terms.

To say age is arbitrary is to pretend we don't have life experiences or significant life stages. It's to pretend we aren't animals who have biological imperatives to procreate, or that our hormones aren't entering their autumn years. Or that our lifestyle is dramatically different than the lifestyle of someone who's never known what it is to make a mortgage payment. And so on.

We exclude others from our potential dating pool all the time - we're supposed to. Isn't chemistry the most arbitrary qualifier of all? And yet we so highly value chemistry when it comes to our intimate relationships.

Which brings me back to others deciding for others what is PC for them to want. Why? It's one of those MYOB things for me.

Wait, you're in your THIRTIES?! How did I miss this? Why did I think you were so young (like early, mid-20s at the most)? It's okay, I'm still impressed with your intelligence and maturity for your age. Whatever it is. They're impressive at any age.

Personally ...

Other than the fact that my life is insanity all day every day (but not drama ... there's a difference), and it's a wild, colorful, adventurous, and admittedly sometimes terrible insanity, such as insanity is ...

And that someone would likely have to move a few thousand miles away from everything they know to move to a place of which my life is a microcosm ... but it is also truly a paradise of sorts ...

And that with me, you get my family too (as is true of most people), but of which I am the most ordinary, stable member ...

I still don't get why no one on BT, in nearly five years of having an open marriage proposal on here, has taken me up on it.

Didn't take it personal - I am having a blast on this thread.  

Everything I have in common with my wife we did together.  We literally started as two people who were physically attracted to each other, and that's it.  The life we built together is what we have in common....and still very little else.  We both have our own interests and hobbies, wouldn't even think about talking politics to each other, don't share finances, and don't care about each other's careers. We are still wildly attracted to each other after all these years and both of us are better listeners than talkers and better givers than takers. 

Your "match" may not be a match at all has been my experience.

I do respond to every person...If I read their profile and I'm not interested, I still respond and say "thanks, not sure we are a good match, but I appreciate you emailing me".  

I am big on communication.  Not in a hurry to find my next "soul mate" - but would be nice to have someone to work out with / hang out with and maybe more, wink, wink.... 

It's ok none of these women every respond to emails, or no dates result from it.  I figure that the one who does will be the right one to go out with.  The ones who don't - well, they probably just saved me $50 on dinner.  

I have wondered about that.  Think I would rather wait for the perfect woman who does not want kids,  than waste my time with a multitude of women that want kids.    Plus - I am kind of old fashioned in that I will always pay for dinner on the first date...so I would rather save my money and buy tri gear.    

So, SO true. On paper, Lisa and I probably never would have been interested in each other. Age, location, etc... But we decided to meet and just have a good time together. It grew from there.

zactly!!

I skipped lunch and now all this food talk is making me hungry... We are talking about food, right?

There's a difference between settling for something other than what you're used to and being a little adventurous. Personally I'm not adverse to putting my hand in the bag and seeing what comes out. Doesn't mean I'd eat it again...