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2008-02-24 7:46 AM

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Veteran
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Subject: Anyone here had trouble having kids?
just curious as to what you had to go through

Edited by stretchdew 2008-02-24 7:47 AM


2008-02-24 7:52 AM
in reply to: #1231787

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Elite
2527
200050025
Armpit of Ontario
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?

Our third child was conceived a year after my first vasectomy. So...no trouble here, sorry.

EDIT to add clarification: no, it was not a planned (i.e. a sucessful reversal) pregnancy, but welcomed none-the-less and he's been a joy...until he turned 15...



Edited by sty 2008-02-24 7:54 AM
2008-02-24 8:05 AM
in reply to: #1231787

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Expert
1603
1000500100
Westchester, NY
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?

We went through alot before our first.  I was even injecting fertilization drugs into my wife's thigh every night.  Had one doctor tell us we would never conceive, even with In Vitro.  We were looking into adopting.  Turned out my wife needed an extensive laproscopy procedure.  Couple of months after that she was preggers with our first, my now 6 year old son.  We now also have a 4 year old little girl.

p.s. I may have some of the above terms screwed up & if you want more details, let me know.  I may need to ask my wife.

2008-02-24 8:13 AM
in reply to: #1231787

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Champion
5183
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Wisconsin
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?

Yes.  I am 17 weeks pregnant after 4+ years trying. Many cycles of Clomid, finally pregnant after 1st IVF attempt.

It is very hard work. Emotionally overwhelming and exhausting, physically very unpleasant for both parties (assuming you are a heterosexual couple)  and mind bogglingly expensive. Your entire life is dedicated to the project, your schedule is no longer yours, every day is long long long as you wait for the next one when you either have a treatment, an appointment, a shot, an ultrasound, a pee test, or a fun little trip to the Man Room...  Your wife will be hormonally insane. You will feel helpless, powerless, and many days sex will be a chore and uyou will resent it...

BUT. it is an opportunity to grow closer, to prioritize, to learn, to connect with your spirtual side, to practice great compassion and faith in one another, etc.


Our situation is now very positive, but it was the hardest time in my life. My coping with the lonliness, heartache, surprising antagonism towards all my friends with babies, was NOT good, I made the worst choices of my life during that time.  But I also made the most growth and my relationship w/ my spouse is stringer than ever. What specifically are you asking?  Do you want the blow by blow?

There are also other endings to the story, adoption is a beautiful ending which we were ready to do at different times (more conflict) and the next one for us will be that way.  We just wanted kids so badly we could see nothing else for awhile... This is really personal painful stuff for a lot of people, so you might not get a lot of input, but feel free to ask q's or pm me.

 

2008-02-24 8:15 AM
in reply to: #1231811

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Champion
5183
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Wisconsin
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?
Fatdoggy - 2008-02-24 8:05 AM

We went through alot before our first. I was even injecting fertilization drugs into my wife's thigh every night.

yeah.. I had daily sometimes twice daily shots in my butt for almost 6 months. That is the easy part, at least you are doing something! But it is a pain to have to be home at the same time every night to do it, I finally got pretty good at doing it to myself since I traveled a lot for work, but that made me bitter bc at least when she had to give it to me, we were doing it together. I am still numb in a few spots above my butt. 

2008-02-24 9:20 AM
in reply to: #1231787

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Champion
4835
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Eat Cheese or Die
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?
We had it fairly easy as far as having to go to a specialist. My wife is Polycystic, and had to go through a few treatments to correct it. Once she was ovulating/menstruating normally it took us two months to get her pregnant. Apparently being polycystic is one of the easiest issues to correct as far is things that make it difficult to get pregnant.



2008-02-24 9:30 AM
in reply to: #1231787

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Champion
5183
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Wisconsin
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?

yeah, that's just the thing- figuring out WHY it's not working. Once you start going down that road, you will be amazed at how miraculous conception really is, how many things have to be timed perfectly. In my case, there was nothing wrong, and since my partner is a woman, we were using donor sperm which was perfect...  But I know for a lot of couples, the hardest part is all the procedures and tests trying to figure out where the breakdown is, and then... the subsequent feelings of inadequacy and failure, and feeling like you are letting your spouse down.  Most people assume it's a prob with the woman, but in fact, 40% of probs are in the man, 40% are in the woman, and 20% are completely baffling. I'm in the latter group.

Another piece is the stress of age.  You start to really feel like you are in a hurry, I am 35, which is NOT old, but your odds start to plummet at 35, at 37 and at 40. And stress and impatience do not help the situation.

 

2008-02-24 11:51 AM
in reply to: #1231787

Member
79
252525
Lakeville,MN
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?
My wife and I tried for 2 years before she finally got pregnant, only to loose the child at 16 weeks.  Doctor had us wait awhile before trying again.  After some time, about 9 mo. she was pregnant and we have a son now.  He turns two on 2/27.

Edited by Morally Diminished 2008-02-24 11:52 AM
2008-02-24 1:23 PM
in reply to: #1231787

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Veteran
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Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?
we are goin on 3 yrs now. my wife had endometriosis, got it taken care of. she has been on klomid. and last month we had our first round of AI. nothing happened so now we are goin for round 2 of AI this month. it does help me to race cause i can run all my aggressions and feeling out. thanks you so much for your input.
2008-02-24 3:02 PM
in reply to: #1232134

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Champion
5183
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Wisconsin
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?
are you going IUI?  we did 2 cycles of that before IVF. It;'s great that you have a place to focus you frustration. I hope your wife has some good support and some friends who are NOT fertile myrtles.  It was so hard for me, bc people always well intentioned, were NON STOP with comments like, "it will happen..."  or "just be patient...."  or "it always happens when you least expect it..." And ya feel like punching them out!  I found a lot of support in a group the Infertility clinic put together, and I also found a disc. group on Yahoo...  Good LUCK, and love to you and your wife.
2008-02-24 11:15 PM
in reply to: #1231787

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Master
3019
20001000
West Jordan, UT
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?

No personal troubles, but I had a friend who could not conceive for 5 years of continual attempts.  Finally it worked, and their second child was only a year behind.  There is hope, so keep at it.  

 



2008-02-24 11:47 PM
in reply to: #1231787

Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?
I(we) tried for several years for my first one. after several cycle of clomid nothing happened so I opted to go off meds and started a whole slew of tests for alternative methods. after months of tests I became pregnant with my first. Since the birth of my daughter in 1999 there were 4 miscarriages...and one ectoptic that was almost fatal. It was an insane roller coaster ride. The joy of hearing results that you're pregnant and then the disappointment when told you've miscarried. Now at 37 I don't think I want to go through all of that again. I was blessed with one perfect child and that is what I am thankful for.
2008-02-25 5:55 AM
in reply to: #1231787

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Master
1671
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West Bend, WI
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?
Well I just didnt have triplets    Happened quick though.  I wasnt ovulating- they gave me injections one month and bam-  three of them.  They are now 6 and a huge pain, but I wouldnt trade them for the world.
2008-02-25 6:44 AM
in reply to: #1231787

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Veteran
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Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?
we thank everyone so much to hear there is hope for us. thanks again.
2008-02-25 8:52 AM
in reply to: #1231787

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Master
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Tiger's Den
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?

One more here...

6 years of active trying, 2 years of non-active trying (just not preventing) and 2 cycles of clomid, and 2 attempts at IVF with ICSI (sperm injected into the egg- forced fertilization)

Still nada. Our doctors advised genetic testing on our embryos, which was too much for us.

So now we are in year #2 of waiting for our daughter from China. Still likely have another year to wait...

2008-02-25 3:06 PM
in reply to: #1232134

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Elite
3221
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the desert
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?

stretchdew - 2008-02-24 11:23 AM we are goin on 3 yrs now. my wife had endometriosis, got it taken care of. she has been on klomid. and last month we had our first round of AI. nothing happened so now we are goin for round 2 of AI this month. it does help me to race cause i can run all my aggressions and feeling out. thanks you so much for your input.

Similar story here...We got pregnant, had a miscarriage. Took a while, but we got pregnant again (she's 6 now). Later, we got pregnant, had a miscarriage. Wife did the Klomid and some other stuff. Finally gave up on it and with without. Still nothing. Contacted an adoption attorney and found out 7 days later that we were pregnant again (She's 17 months old now).

If you've had issues, hang in there.



2008-02-25 3:16 PM
in reply to: #1231787

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Buttercup
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Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?

People wince when I say how many miscarriages I've had. I'll spare you the details but offer advice of a slighty different nature.

I would advise that you and your spouse pay attention to the emotional toll the process of TTC can take on your marriage. Most people are uncomfortable talking about the pain of being unable to have children, so make sure you two have someone you can turn to when things get stressful - religious/spiritual counselor or therapist or ... anyone who has enough emotional distance and can help you process the profound emotional ups/downs that can come from this. My situation and lack of knowing how to deal with profound loss  turned out to have very bad consequences for my marriage; don't let that happen to you.

2008-02-26 8:51 AM
in reply to: #1231787

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Royal(PITA)
14262
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West Chester, Ohio
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?

I spent 10 years trying to get pregnant in my first marriage.  I have endometriosis (multiple laser surgeries to blast out the implants), he had antisperm antibodies which meant the sperm wouldn't swim.  Finally left for other reasons (alcoholism).  He died 6 months later.  I remarried about 18 months after he died and got pregnant within 3 months (not trying).  She was 9 months old when I got pregnant again (not trying).  I love my girls to pieces and can't imagine life without them. 

Infertility was an emotional roller coaster.  Every month was a cycle of hope and let down.  I found peace in it as I realized the alcoholism was going to always be a huge marriage issue and was finally able to let go of the dream of kids when I woke up to the reality of how much the alcohol was ruining things. 

 TALK to each other.  Avoid the settings where you find all the discomfort (baby showers are inevitable sometimes, look for ways to minimize being there.)  I remember hosting a shower for someone who had also had fertility problems. I really wanted to do this for my friend.  Another woman there ruined my day with all her stories about her pregnancies/labor.  To the point that I deliberately filled up on soda so I could go to the bathroom and cry while I relieved myself. 

Hang in there

 

2008-02-26 9:13 AM
in reply to: #1234492

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Elite
3221
20001000100100
the desert
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?
Renee - 2008-02-25 1:16 PM

People wince when I say how many miscarriages I've had. I'll spare you the details but offer advice of a slighty different nature.

I would advise that you and your spouse pay attention to the emotional toll the process of TTC can take on your marriage. Most people are uncomfortable talking about the pain of being unable to have children, so make sure you two have someone you can turn to when things get stressful - religious/spiritual counselor or therapist or ... anyone who has enough emotional distance and can help you process the profound emotional ups/downs that can come from this. My situation and lack of knowing how to deal with profound loss  turned out to have very bad consequences for my marriage; don't let that happen to you.

It doesn't make it any easier that everyone tries to give you their "expert" advice.

2008-02-26 9:16 AM
in reply to: #1235706

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Buttercup
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Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?
triguyfitz - 2008-02-26 10:13 AM
Renee - 2008-02-25 1:16 PM

People wince when I say how many miscarriages I've had. I'll spare you the details but offer advice of a slighty different nature.

I would advise that you and your spouse pay attention to the emotional toll the process of TTC can take on your marriage. Most people are uncomfortable talking about the pain of being unable to have children, so make sure you two have someone you can turn to when things get stressful - religious/spiritual counselor or therapist or ... anyone who has enough emotional distance and can help you process the profound emotional ups/downs that can come from this. My situation and lack of knowing how to deal with profound loss  turned out to have very bad consequences for my marriage; don't let that happen to you.

It doesn't make it any easier that everyone tries to give you their "expert" advice.

True. I remember hearing the same type of comments that Hollis mentioned. They aren't really helpful BUT I realize that people really don't know what to say but they want to be encouraging.

2008-02-26 10:56 AM
in reply to: #1231787

Subject: ...
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2008-02-26 12:24 PM
in reply to: #1231787

Expert
1169
10001002525
Sherman Oaks, CA
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?
3.5 Years, $50k for this. Boys born X-mas Morning, 2007.   Photobucket
2008-02-26 12:28 PM
in reply to: #1231787

Expert
939
50010010010010025
Tulsa
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?
The wife was on the pill and we used protection and she still got pregnant? I'm blaming the mail man
2008-02-26 12:43 PM
in reply to: #1236268

Champion
5183
5000100252525
Wisconsin
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?

GolfMark - 2008-02-26 12:24 PM 3.5 Years, $50k for this. Boys born X-mas Morning, 2007.


Wow, you got a deal. We are over 125.... (course, we had to buy sperm each time we tried... )
2008-02-26 1:01 PM
in reply to: #1236337

Expert
1169
10001002525
Sherman Oaks, CA
Subject: RE: Anyone here had trouble having kids?
possum - 2008-02-26 10:43 AM

GolfMark - 2008-02-26 12:24 PM 3.5 Years, $50k for this. Boys born X-mas Morning, 2007.


Wow, you got a deal. We are over 125.... (course, we had to buy sperm each time we tried... )

Health insurance covered quite a bit more than I thought.  My wife was very aggressive at arguing with them.  Many times, insurance companies will automatically reject admissions.  Go ahead and submit again and sometimes they will accept it.  Lottery.

The tykes are being charged $25k each + interest from me.  Need to turn one of them into the next Tiger Woods for recovery.

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