Anyone battling clinical depression??? (Page 3)

Update since last year. 

My primary doctor says it's time to get off the meds.  I'm to finish current script and then 2 month of half.  I guess I'm ready.  I handle most the world.  I just don't want to put Y and Willie through anything else.  I like the plan and will probably set up some consoling as I go off.  Kinda like a mind change.  Doctors impressed with my training and activity.  As usual lose some weight.   

Can I join...

I have been battling clinical depression for almost 6 years now, specifically, I diagnosed with major depression and manic depression.  I was diagnosed after my first year of college, but I believe it began a year earlier and this was the culmination, my first big depression bout.  Unfortunately, when I finally saw a doctor I was prescribed a medication in which I have since learned shouldn't have been the doctors first choice and as a result it dropped me even lower, bringing me to my first episode of suicidal thoughts.  For several weeks my thought process was driven to one subject, what if this happened...(you can fill in the rest).  If i was home, I was alone, alienating myself from the rest of my family.  If i was at school, I put on a show.  Due to my bodies reaction from the first medication, I refused to try again, feeling that the best method would be to battle this myself.  Telling myself whats the worst that could happen.

Over the next two years, I would battle bout after bout, getting worse each time.  I would get into my car and drive at speeds in which were not safe and wouldn't bat an eye.  I would take things that were best left in the kitchen and act out certain motions with them.  Not to mention the alcohol, which turned into my friend whenever i needed to take the edge off.  Their were many weekends I chose to stay home and simply drink.

I battled almost every form of manic and major depression, all at the same time.  Little to no sleep, spending sprees, abuse of alcohol, extreme irritability, racing thoughts of suicide, denial to anyone that mattered, hopelessness, worthlessness, didn't eat, lost interest in everything (my car, hobbies, school, friends, etc.), and yes the thoughts of death or suicide.

I tried to put good people around me and they were but the conversation couldn't take place if i didn't start it.  Even if i did start a conversation it would calm me down for the length of time in which the conversation took, but then everything would come back like a ton of bricks only minutes later.  My father and his (whatever) told me that it was all in my head.  Imagine hearing that and then trying to response.  As if I was doing all of this to myself.

My current gf battled with me for almost 3 years, as I asked her to get on me if she felt little warning signs were beginning to show.  Even when i told her to help me, I would throw it in her face and because of this on several occasions we went through battles in which should have never occurred and we even spent time apart three different occasions.

As others have mentioned, the medication thing is tough.  At this point I don't ever think i will come off of my medication as I am to scared to see what could happen, but I have to make sure I don't miss a day of it.  My with drawl from the medication can begin to be felt the next morning if I don't take the night before as I usually do.  Of course I take 100mg so its no joke.

It's very difficult to battle on your own, but thankfully now im not battling it own my own.

For the past year I have been seeing a psychologist at my college.  I became comfortable enough to try the medication route once again.  But before doing so we had some in depth conversations.  She determined that if normal peoples mood is at this line, and the average depression is on this line, I would operate well below that on a daily basis and if battling then I would slide even lower.  Her goal was to see if medication could help to bring my daily mood up to a normal level.

I am proud to say that a year later, I am much improved but clearly not where I was, although it's difficult at this point to determine where I was at this point.  I am happy with most things now, although even at this very moment I am battling several different things that are affecting me and as a result my tri training has suffered, so much so that i'm not even training.  The upside to this at the moment is that my stresses are due to college, and the fact that i am 3 weeks away from graduating.  The stresses from this are the work load through student teaching, the stress of graduating, the lack of money, and the difficulties that Im going to face when i begin searching for a career.  Hopefully, some of these stresses will come to an end in a few short weeks, I will be able to start my tri training once again! Thankfully as another stress is the 10 pounds i've put on from not training...

O and the brightest note of all of this is that the gf is still around, we've had a fantastic year together, so much so that marriage is definitely in the foreseeable future.  Brings a smile to my face haha!

Feels good to let others know about this and to read of other individuals battle with depression.

I really admire everyone for opening up and the courage you have for tackling this illness.  I have been depressed (or in the hole as I like to say) since I was 12.   30 years and many meds later, I am still here.   Have I gotten better?   Not sure, I now realize what is going on and why but I still feel depressed.   I focus way too much on the past and what could have been (career, relationships, etc..) but I trudge along hoping for the best.   I don't have that special friend to confide in and I don't want to burden my already overwhelmed wife so I keep it inside.  Not the best way to handle it.  I see a therapist (one of many) and I hope this time I turn the corner.  But anyway, I really hope everyone gets better!

I am also clinically depressed. The irony is that sometimes it seems the better  I have it the worse I feel. As far as training goes, it affects my training and other areas of life, because it saps motivation, pleasure and meaning from fun activites. A therapist told me that action is the opposite of depression. I use that to get going sometimes.

I take comfort that I do not seem to be alone here, but at the same time I do not wish depression on anyone.

I have used meds with mixed results. I have found name brand to be vastly superior to generic.

-Chris