Depression and Moods- Check in! (Page 3)

Hey guys,

 I'm checking in too. We found out on Monday that my wife has 6 months to live. Her cancer is in her liver, lungs, skin, brain, spine, lymph nodes and muscles. If it weren't for her physical strength, she'd only have 2-3 months right now. Overall, I'm OK but know life is about to get much worse before it gets much better. I'm registered to do a HIM in 5 months (my first) and now that may not happen. I'm getting a complete workup from my doc to make sure I'm ready to train, then I'll train like mad hoping she'll be there to cheer me on. Don't even get me started on the financial challenges. I've got a family member who's trying to con the family out of money for my grandfather even though he's personally getting half of my grandfather's income. He's calling everyone else talking about how my grandfather can't pay his bills while he's taking half his income. Amazing!

Glad I'm on meds or else this would be really bad. 

About time I threw my hat into this ring.

Greg, I can't imagine what you're going through, but I am really glad you are here on BT and contributing to this particular thread. Your grace, humor and helpfulness in your posts are lovely ... especially considering your circumstances.

So many of you in this thread have held my hand, so to speak, and thrown kind words and thoughts my way when I most needed them. 

I'm currently bordering on average, dipping below sometimes. (I like the three-lines analogy).
My thoughts are pretty scattered most of the time (also have ADHD minus the H) and I feel pretty overwhelmed and not particularly useful.

It just feels good to be here, in good company, and I'll check in and tease out bits of my situations from time to time. 

WOW...How ironic that as I sit at the computer vegging away and not wanting to do anything (much less train...or something mundane like eat) I come across this thread. 

I just started taking Citalopram today for depression and was tested a while back for ADD and diagnosed with a mild-to-moderate case.  I don't take anything for the ADD as I have developed, over my 55 years, all of the coping strategies I think I need..  I have only recently( with-in the last year) even acknowledged that I could have something like depression.  My wife has had MAJOR issues with it for several years but I never thought it would hit me.

I will surely be checking back in on this thread as some of the stories have hit close to home.  Thank you BTer's for sharing something so personal and private in the hopes that it will help someone else....of course...that is what most BTer's do everyday.

Hey folks!  Just checking in....haven't been doing much for a while.  I've had some abdominal issues lately that (I think) are about to be resolved.  But it's kept me from exercising much lately.  It's been really fascinating for me to watch how fast my mood goes south when I haven't been able to do much training.  The exercise really REALLY helps me out! So, I've been a bit down and a bit moody lately, but at least I've been able to pinpoint why.  Feeling lousy physically and then not being able to train and feeling fat all at the same time. Yuck. Things are looking up today, though....

Mman...my heart goes out to you, dude.  I am so sorry to hear the news about your wife.  There just are not words....I'm praying for you. Thanks for letting us know, and vent here anytime you want....

runningwoof....wow, tough times. I hate it when things pile up like that - as if one big problem at a time weren't enough.  Seems like my whole year has been like that, one crisis after another. Hang in there and do what you can each day to keep moving - even if it's just a walk around the block. Even a little bit of inertia in the right direction can build into something much, much better. I know I do a lot better when I can focus on whatever little thing is going right in my world instead of on the mountain of stuff going wrong.  Keep us posted on how you're doing, too. 

Sounds like a tough season for a lot of us, huh? So, let me throw a question out there....when you're struggling, what helps you the most? For me, it's a good belly-busting laugh, or finding something fun and silly to do, like having a tickle-fight with my kids. What about you?

Just wanted to check in.  In my last post I was pretty down.  Not depressed, just down, overwhelmed, etc and so forth.  Since then, I made a pretty big decision and resigned my position and well, demoted myself.  I'll be going to a position with less stress and, in reality, more opportunity.  After I submitted my resignation, it was as though a weight had been lifted and a cloud moved. 

Sometimes it's just having the strength to know when something isn't working... 

Thought I'd finally pipe in.  I have been in a "hole" (feeling of being in over your head and all alone) for about 28 years, I'm 40 now.  I have lived in the past for so long that I want to look to the future.  I have regretted so much (poor school decisions, bad jobs, terrible relationships) that I have never been able to dream.  But enough of my whining.  I do have so much to be grateful for, a great wife, two terrific kids (the newest only 10 days old) and a job that pays the bills.  I am on Cymbalta now and it seems to be helping.  Things are a little clearer, my optimism is brighter.   I applaud all of you for bearing your soul and opening up about your struggles with the "hole".  If I can be of any help please give me a shout.  I am not the greatest triathlete but I am trying to stick with it!!!

So I had a "moment" on Friday. Started thinking to the future - my wife's funeral, what songs they'd play, what life would be like alone w/ 3 kids, etc. After some tears and banking my fists on my desk, I put on some classic rock - upbeat stuff and what I listen too when I'm running. That lifted me out of the hole and I got on about my day. That's not always the ticket, but it made a big difference then. Sometimes it might be spending time with my kids. Others, watching a funny movie. I don't watch or read anything that's too serious right now. I'd prefer to laugh. I even laugh when I watch CSI because of some of the cheesy acting. Or, I'll call and friend to hang out for a while. Usually a buddy with similar interest who'll talk about anything but cancer. That helps too.

Hang in there everyone...and try to get some exercise in.

Hi, I am essentially new to BT only maybe fully been here a month or so. I am amazed at the things I have found on this site, so many helpful, inspiring things. I am very happy to have found this site.

 I would say I have always had problems. As far as I can remember I have had OCD as well as other anxieties mixed in. It has probably been about 3 or so years that I can remember depression seeping in. I feel like it started with my grandfather passing away. This was by far the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with, being across the country at school, grandfather was my best friend, and he was dying of cancer and end stage Alzheimers.  To this day I still cant forgive my family, and I still cry a lot thinking about it. But lately things have been getting worse for me. Weight gain after college and injuries, somewhat constant pain... I just didn't feel like myself anymore. I saw a counselor in college and that helped a little, but I felt guilty unloading my problems on her. I have never seen a doctor about this, don't care too much for them and or have the funds to do it.

When I started thinking about doing triathlons and found this site, I found myself exercising and feeling better about things. Of course there are still somedays I just cant get myself out of bed and face the day. But things do feel better, I feel proud of myself again. And my chronic pain seems to be more manageable. 

It gives me some comfort in seeing other people on here, telling their stories. Knowing this is a community an extremely supportive community at that. And for that I thank everyone, and give my support in return. 

Wow Mman Im so sorry and hope you know we will be here for you!!!

Just wanted to check in with everyone...Life has been pretty crazy..its hard losing someone in the family and that has taken a toll but I don't say much about that stuff...but training has been going better! I had a tough week last week trying to get training in and dealing with life...and a funeral...

But I do have to say while I was away for the funeral the morning of the funeral I took sometime away from everyone and went to a local gym in MN. and it was awesome..I haven't been able to stop talking about it!! I loved it, I got to run while watching a movie..it was dark and running on a treadmil went great almost fell twice but that was ok...then I went and checked out the rest of the gym, and fell in love!

Ok enough of that!! I hope everyones week is starting off good! My week started off great got flowers this morning from one of my kindergartners!!! And a hug from one of my autisitc students it makes everything worth it!!

GJ

mman...you are in my thoughts and prayers...we are here for you when you need us.  I am glad you have found a sport and a community that helps in this very rough time.

gj50...hugs from the young are unconditional and can help bring light on some very dark times.  Happy Teachers Day.

Hey guys,

Well, my wife lost her hair today. Rather than dealing with it coming out in clumps, she had it shaved. Some of her girlfriends came to the house with wine and snacks (I can't spell that fancy hors de orvries word!) for a hair shaving pity party. If you want to know the truth, she looks great with a bald head - very hot!! And like one of her friends pointed out, she can be a different person every day now. Blonde Trixie on Monday, Red Headed Mona on Tuesday, etc. If you can't change a situation, you might as well try to find some humor in it...right?

It's been a rough week leading up to today but today was actually good - not what either my wife or I expected.

Oh yes, I'm grateful and thankful for the words of encouragement. I was telling someone today whos done a tri but isn't "into" the tri lifestyle about how tight knit the communtiy is. BT (and this thread) is an example of that. People laugh when I talk about my friends I've never met, but you guys are just that.

On sunday I was feeling pretty good, I ran 10 miles with some friends and they were slower than me.  It felt nice to be in a better possition at least in running than someone else...But......sunday night I started itching...I mean that litterally...I had a very bad allergic reaction so something...by monday afternoon my whole body head to foot was red and welted...I saw my dr. tuesday morning...by then I had found that benadryl will help allergic reactions and had pretty much solved it...but he informed me that I am now more easily susceptable to allergic reactions...I still don't know what caused it...I didn't eat or touch anything that I hadn't touched or eaten before.  Oh well, I am now better.  but it did put me into a funk again...Plus SO and I made a tough decision to try to get our finances in a better place before moving to someplace more expensive.  We struggle so much now!  We don't like where we live, but I think we would hate live even more if we took on something that big.

Hey mman;

When my mother-in-law was first diagnosed with cancer and started treatment she lost her hair.  After letting it come out in clumps for 2 days we went over and me and my 2 sons (ages at the time about 16-24) shaved our head as well as hers.  We have some great pictures of that night (I suck on the computer of I would post one for you to laugh at )

But you are so right about humor being very important to her health and to your mental health.

Stay strong and know that we are here for you.

Steve

Hey mman,

When my mom lost her hair during her chemo and radiation (breast cancer), I bought her a dreadlock rasta wig.  Now this is a 70 year old woman we are talking about.  But she loved it and when she passed I took it and wore at Muddy Buddy race.  I just may wear it in a triathlon. (Who knows maybe it will help my swim!)  Just keep going, laugh with each other, enjoy every minute (good and bad) because with that attitude I know that you wife would look great in a rasta hat!!!!

I have had some bad reactions while on Zooloft so I guess I never noticed the withdrawal symptons.  But yes once the drug is out of your system you should be good to go.  Try to ease back into working out, it may ease the side effects.  Try ginger for the nausea it helped me!

Good job on the Muddy Buddy.  I'll be doing that here in August.  Good luck with everything!!

runrachierun,

You need to get something to stop the freefall you are in. You've got a lot of stuff going on that is not normal - your body is acting accordingly (i.e. not normal). Either start on the med you've been given - I"m not familiar with that one so can't give you any input on it - or get to your doc and get on something you are comfortable with. Possibly even a low dose anti-D would help.

I don't know if I've shared it here, but a visual picture I give people about what you are describing is this. Picture a small, rustic barn with snow piling up on it. At some point, all it takes is one tiny snowflake, and the barn is coming down. Everyone has a limit to what they can hold. And all it takes is something small on the mountain of issues to cause it to all crash down. Get some extra support (meds, counseling, etc) to stand up to the load.

Better living through chemistry,

mman

runrachierun, It's always difficult when things all seem to be piling up and snowballing out  of control.Then you get to that point where you just can't deal with anything anymore. The imagery of the barn with the snow is perfect. It sounds like you need to focus on yourself for a little while. You know..figure out what you need to get through the month, the week, even the day. Sometimes that does include finding someone to talk to, finding more about the medication you were prescribed. People can only take so much, they need repairs just like everything else does.

I guess in a sense I can talk the talk but  I don't walk the walk. Yesterday was bad for me, I just let everything get to me. Every positive thought I tried to think of to get myself out of the funk I counteracted into a negative. I ended up locking myself in the batrhoom for an hour or so. I know I need to talk to someone professionally. But right now I am so paranoid about letting that get out because of a job I am up for. They are very focused on your psych health and if I have ever been on meds or seen anyone. I can't afford to let this mess things up so I am keeping everything to myself. And I guess even before when I was in college I saw a counselor, and I just couldn't talk much because I felt guilty for unloading on her..I got some issues.

But in the end after all is said and done...the best path is the path to getting help. Somethings we just can't do on our own, no matter how stubborn we are. If you ever need anyone to chat with I know I am available..and I am sure tons of other people are here for you too.

Pepperee,

I am not a employment lawyer by any means but I think it would be discrimination if your mental health issues affect you getting the job or not.  It should be treated like any illness.  If it is being maintained/treated then it should have no bearing on your ability to perform the job.  But I don't know what the job is or any of the details.  In my current job I was drug tested and I had three meds in my system (now I take one) and I am sure that was relayed to my employer.

Second, you should talk to someone.  A friend is great but a professional will definitely be more attuned to what you are going through.  I delayed talking to someone and it did not help.  Good luck!