How much do I suck? (Page 2)

Instead of beating yourself up about it, just accept that these are the limitations of your friendship. It goes only so far and this is where it does not go further. It is what it is.

Jim, I think it's awesome that you respect your wife that much, even with the whole trust thing. Is there any way you could go to the visitation or has it passed? Plus, in the coming weeks she's going to need every bit of the support you can give. If you and Amy are there for her later, it will mean so much.

The father of one of my good friends from my last job died yesterday. I so wish I could go at least wrap my arms around her today. Her mom died earlier this year, and she said just being there to listen and let her cry later meant so much.

Ok- I still don't get it.  Most people go to funerals for people they don't knw well, but are acquainted with.  They go out of respect for that person.  So...I don't think going to a funeral provides someone with emotional support.  It's not like you're going to take her into a room and let her cry on your shoulder and console her for hours and give her a kiss on the cheek to make her feel better.  Going to a funeral is what EVERYONE does.  It's not out of the ordiinary.  I think going to lucnh adn talking about stuff is more intimate.  I don't see why going to lunch is ok but not attending the funeral.  And...you don't even have to attend the funeral.  Just show up at the viewing, pay your respect, and be done.

It's a moot point but funerals are for the living, not the dead.

A) you don't suck.

B) whatever you decide(d) is right.

C) the important part is that you care, on both ends - and over time, that will become evident to everyone - initially, people will have a hard time understanding, as it's surface fodder...so-and-so didn't make the funeral....or so-and-so went without his wife...blah blah.  Time solves this, as you spend time with RJ, and as you tell the stories to Rhonda. 

The thing that strikes me is that it would be a huge loss for you, who cares so much in both directions, to come away feeling as though you were inadequate, or didn't make the right call.  No need to have a situation out of your control bring down a very positive person, for whatever reason. 

*not to minimize the loss, it's huge*