WEDNESDAY FUNNIES (spelled correctly)

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2006-02-08 7:51 AM

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COURT JESTER
12230
50005000200010010025
ROCKFORD, IL
Subject: WEDNESDAY FUNNIES (spelled correctly)

Try this maze and see how far you get.  Kinda FUN more than funny.

http://www.winterrowd.com/maze.swf

 

2006-02-08 7:55 AM
in reply to: #341262

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COURT JESTER
12230
50005000200010010025
ROCKFORD, IL
Subject: RE: WEDNESDAY FUNNIES (spelled correctly)
The Middle Wife

 

 By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

 

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.

 

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

 

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant.

 

"This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord." [She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.]

 

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh, oh!' " [Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.] "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'"   [Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.] "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this."

 

[Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.] "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"  [This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!]

 

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.' They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

 

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.

 

2006-02-08 7:58 AM
in reply to: #341262

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COURT JESTER
12230
50005000200010010025
ROCKFORD, IL
Subject: RE: WEDNESDAY FUNNIES (spelled correctly)




(Beer Cooler.JPG)



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2006-02-08 8:44 AM
in reply to: #341277

Elite
3650
200010005001002525
Laurium, MI
Subject: RE: WEDNESDAY FUNNIES (spelled correctly)
a play-center?  ****, no wonder I was in there for 9 months.  To bad it didn't come with a trainer as well
2006-02-08 8:50 AM
in reply to: #341262

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Crystal Lake, IL
Subject: RE: WEDNESDAY FUNNIES (spelled correctly)

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.? He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his tallywhacker hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said. "I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

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