I complain to whomever lets me get away with it.

So if it bugs you that "women" (as opposed to "some women" complain, it's probably your fault.

Which brings me to my next point re: the fairer sex. It's never their (our?) fault.  It is always yours.  

Speaking of kindling, let me offer you a match:

Quit trying to understand the fairer sex and start trying to understand the individual with whom you are interacting, instead. We're all different, Thomas, and it's folly to try to create a homogenized version of Woman.

I see. I think what I need is a "man inside" to spy out these rules....

Well, I live in a veritable follytopia, so that is not a viable solution.

It's too bad women aren't open source....

If you found an open woman, Thomas, would you know what to do with her?

(Don't throw rocks at me!)

Open, yes, I think so. Open and honest? Probably not....

Am I ready for that? Yes. I bet with a few quick questions to the right person you could verify that I am VERY open and honest about who I am, my own emotions and expectations and that my defenses start at zero and increase with negative evidence, as opposed to starting high and diminishing with positive evidence. This is not the best medium to demonstrate this, but it is true nonetheless.

Are you crazy?  Why would you want to do that?

Good lord man, I realize you are probably just trying to start conversation, but couldn't you pick something less controversial like Islamic cartoons, abortion, whether TI makes you faster or leg shaving?  Don't toy with things like this.

Craptacular is a gem that doesn't come along everyday. I've coopted it, too.

forget it, I'm a moron.

4) It's not a game

5) Mad brownie points on the spelling!!!

I believe that Thomas and Renee would make a fine couple. Truly.

tmwelshy, on the other hand, is destined to be single 4-evah...

I bet they'd be a lot of fun to have as neighbors!

I can take complaining. When it's not over the top, done with a bit of humor and accompanied by constructive works, it's a sign that someone gives a d#$. Whining on the other hand...

Women's Rules For Men

 1. Call.   

2. Don't lie. Hmmmmm seems like this has been discussed

 3. Never tape any of her body parts together.  Unless she's into that    

4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls. This is a bad idea  

 5. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."   

6. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"   

7. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad. Bad girls are fun too.  

 8. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.   

9. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.   

10. "Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag," "Lard*ss," and "B*tch" are bad.   

11. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.   

12. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.   

13. None of your ex-girlfriends was ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.   

14. Her cooking is excellent.   

15. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.   

16. Dish soap is your friend.   

17. Hat does not equal shower, after-shave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.    

18. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.   

19. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never 	going to end that conversation.   

20. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"   

21. Two words: clean socks.   

22. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're all sweaty.  

23. Burping is not sexy. But in India it's a compliment to the cook   

24. You're wrong.   Notice how these are hidden in the middle.

25. You're sorry.    All these others could really be done away with.

26. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.   

27. Ditto for your discourse on football.   

28. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.   

29. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad. 29 scares me

30. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.   

31. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.   

32. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feelsl ike at that particular moment in time,

and it could change without notice. Unless she says differently or thinks it.    

33. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.   

34. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.   

35. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.   

36. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.   

37. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.   

38. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.   

39. Always, always suck up to her brother.   

40. Think boxers. Silk boxers.   

41. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so names.   

42. Don't try to change the way she dresses.   

43. Her haircut is never bad.   

44. Don't let your friends pick on her.   

45. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact  	

that she has to go through labor while you sit on your butt in 

the waiting room, smoking cigars, isn't fair either, and it  balances everything. 

Now that you know the rules, the women are obligated to change them!

It is my opinion that women, taken as a sex, are un-quantifiable.

That said, a woman can be understood, appreciated, loved, and be the recipient of my whole person, if she's willing to accept.

I just need to find that woman, if she really does exist.

SR

I found someone who giggled at the jiggle in my wiggle.  Now I'm losing my jiggle, but I still got my wiggle.  And she still giggles.