WEDNESDAY FUNNIES

WACK THE PENGUIN!!!!     Click the Abominable Snowman to drop a penguin, click him again to swing:

Ok, some medical humor.  Things written in charts.

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was

very hot in bed last night.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it

disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be

depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but

forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only

40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might

like to work her up.

15. She is numb from her toes down.

16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

17. The skin was moist and dry.

18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until

she got a divorce.

22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical

therapy.

23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. [Just how

big IS "circus sized"?]

25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a

stockbroker instead.

27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit

on the abdomen and I agree.

30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

The Marriage Test

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There wasonly one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

 One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside.With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
 Welcome to the family.”

The moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.