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2012-03-09 3:10 PM
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Subject: RE: Dealing with 12 year old daughter....Oy.....
My daughter is almost 11 and things are getting harder...not looking forward to all this teen crap! I was a good kid overall and never gave my parents too much trouble I've also been an honest and hardworking adult so I hope all my goodness has earned me some slack the headaches that teens can cause! Fingers crossed!!


2012-03-09 3:12 PM
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Subject: RE: Dealing with 12 year old daughter....Oy.....

skipg - 2012-03-09 4:10 PM My daughter is almost 11 and things are getting harder...not looking forward to all this teen crap! I was a good kid overall and never gave my parents too much trouble I've also been an honest and hardworking adult so I hope all my goodness has earned me some slack the headaches that teens can cause! Fingers crossed!!

This was not me by a longshot as a teenager!  I survived and turned out OK.... well within reason any way....  and some of you need to stop snickering now!!

2012-03-09 4:46 PM
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Subject: RE: Dealing with 12 year old daughter....Oy.....

12-14 is the rough age for girls (add one year for boys). I spend about 6 years dealing with this, since when the older one passed through that age, the younger one was moving into it. It has a lot to do with brain development as they enter adolescence, with more intense emotional centers and relatively weak prefrontal control.

Pick your battles, maintain your cool, and trust that you have expressed your values to them. Too often, parents pick battles that are ultimately winnable (or at least, lead to Pyrrhic victories in the war - sure you got your kid to do what you said. But when the time comes, will they still want a relationship with you?). My older daughter had a room upstairs so I never had to see it. The younger one had a small part of her room that was visible from the hallway - that was the only part that had to be kept clean. They were expected to maintain their grades and stay out of trouble with the law and school. Beyond that, our parenting was pretty relaxed, and they did well. They even voluntarily communicate with me and mrs gearboy for things other than cash!

Don't rise to the bait of the emotional tone you get. Stick by rules unless they can offer a reasonable alternative for the change (something more than "you are a mean unreasonable tyrant").

But until their brains mature a little more, print this out and keep it on hand:

2012-03-09 9:35 PM
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Subject: RE: Dealing with 12 year old daughter....Oy.....
My daughter is 12 and yeah; it gets VERY trying some days. She speaks in monotone, 1 word sentences, gets up from where she's sitting collecting nothing she left there, tests on clothing choices, etc. Drives us crazy. I'm the disciplinarian and feel bad about always nagging. But the shorts ARE too short, you DO need a coat and to wear it, you CAN'T go to the mall with a friend we don't know and we ARE staying in for dinner tonight.

Occasionally, she turns 8 again and is the happy, silly, overly excited kid we loved so much in 2008. I just hope the older version of that kid returns as a young adult before 2016 or I slit my throat.

@Trinnas: Umm.....sure...we'll go with your version.

Edited by pitt83 2012-03-09 9:39 PM
2012-03-09 10:41 PM
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Elite
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Subject: RE: Dealing with 12 year old daughter....Oy.....

I have so much empathy for a tween - what an awful time of life when both your own body and everything around you is at such odds.    Everything from still believing in Santa Claus to how to deal with sex is converging on such a young person.  

To all of you parents - god bless you.

2012-03-09 10:48 PM
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Subject: RE: Dealing with 12 year old daughter....Oy.....
My daughter has started calling me Mr. NO the past couple of months, she says I say no to everything (not true) she just loves to bring it to my attention every time I do though.


2012-03-10 1:05 AM
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Melon Presser
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Subject: RE: Dealing with 12 year old daughter....Oy.....

I'm going to raise my kids exactly the same way that worked so well in raising and training dogs. (Those of you who know my dogs--STOP LAUGHING NOW.)

- crate training
- liver treats
- chew toys
- collar and leash
- no running with the bad dogs
- lots of time outdoors on ground and in water

To Mike: all the best. My prayers are with you and your daughter. Good luck.

2012-03-10 5:28 AM
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Subject: RE: Dealing with 12 year old daughter....Oy.....

This does not give me much hope after the display my kids just put on last night and they are only 3 & 5!!!!!

I'm scared, very, very scared........

2012-03-10 6:53 AM
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Subject: RE: Dealing with 12 year old daughter....Oy.....

1st daughter just turned 12.  2nd daughter about to turn 11. 

Yes, they are moody.  Yes, they are slobs.  I think it’s called being kids, personally; but Fun Killer swears that there is something wrong with them. 

We set some pretty simple rules that work for us:

1)      I will not allow them to be disrespectful to me or (especially) their mom/my wife.

2)      They are not allowed to play my wife and me off each other.  If Fun Killer says no, and they even come ask me; it’s major trouble right there. 

 

They can pretty much get away with anything else as long as they don’t violate those two rules.  And since they have me wrapped around their finger; they pretty much do.  

2012-03-10 7:38 PM
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Subject: RE: Dealing with 12 year old daughter....Oy.....
I have 11 and 13 y.o. daughters.  The next few years are going to be tough.
2012-03-10 8:56 PM
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Subject: RE: Dealing with 12 year old daughter....Oy.....

My wife and I survived 3 (now in their 30s) with relatively minor difficulties.  The oldest could shoot daggers from her eyes at times and the youngest was scarier than a cranky bear in the morning but overall fairly minor stuff.  Our son was far less trouble than the girls and he was fairly more tidy too.

Stick to your rules.  We didn't care how messy their rooms were so long as they kept their doors closed.  As far as tidying up they were required to do their own laundry (no half loads); they were limited to two towels each and if they didn't hang them up to dry then the next day they had damp towels to use and they were not allowed to leave food or dishes in their rooms.  Outside of their rooms they had to clean up after themselves.  

Good Luck 



2012-03-11 6:46 AM
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Melon Presser
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Subject: RE: Dealing with 12 year old daughter....Oy.....

“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years.”

- Mark Twain

 

2012-03-11 8:06 AM
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Subject: RE: Dealing with 12 year old daughter....Oy.....
TriAya - 2012-03-11 6:46 AM

“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years.”

- Mark Twain

 

Love this!

2012-03-11 8:31 AM
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Subject: RE: Dealing with 12 year old daughter....Oy.....
I feel your pain and chuckle at the same time. With two daughters, age 19 and 22 we have been there. Not much advice other than to give them their space and teach them there are consequences to their actions. My daily saying was (and still is) "make good decisions".
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