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2012-07-17 2:12 PM
in reply to: #4316246

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
lifejustice - 2012-07-17 1:51 PM

I just don't see why 2 single people our age would hang out as much as you did and still keep the intention of Just Being Friends.  

Yeah, friends suck unless there are ulterior motives involved.



2012-07-17 2:16 PM
in reply to: #4316246

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
lifejustice - 2012-07-17 1:51 PM

I guess I just hope your last post was coming from your heart and not what you think she would want you to say.

...As long as you can hold that in your heart while she is living and sleeping with another man ...I guess I have to respect that...Because it WILL happen.  She isn't going to be single forever, and it is either you or someone else.

I just don't see why 2 single people our age would hang out as much as you did and still keep the intention of Just Being Friends.  

I guess that was all I was going to say.

I hope the best for you both.  I would rather it end in gushy love...but reality doesn't always make that possible, I guess. 

 

 

I appreciate this, I honestly do.


We have been friends for 15 years, through many of relationships.  Right now, I don't believe that is worth losing..



Edited by RushTogether 2012-07-17 2:18 PM
2012-07-17 2:45 PM
in reply to: #4316316

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
lisac957 - 2012-07-17 12:12 PM

Yeah, friends suck unless there are ulterior motives involved.

I'm sorry.  There ARE "ulterior" (your terms, not mine) motives here.  Isn't that the entire purpose of this thread?  Don't act like the proof in this thread doesn't exist just so you can grab at one sentence that rubs you wrong.

Don't play niave with men/women friendships for the sake of talking crudely:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

It is what it is. 



Edited by lifejustice 2012-07-17 2:46 PM
2012-07-17 2:47 PM
in reply to: #4316405

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
lifejustice - 2012-07-17 2:45 PM
lisac957 - 2012-07-17 12:12 PM

Yeah, friends suck unless there are ulterior motives involved.

I'm sorry.  There ARE "ulterior" (your terms, not mine) motives here.  Isn't that the entire purpose of this thread?  Don't act like this thread doesn't exist just so you can grab at one sentence.

Don't play niave with men/women friendships for the sake of talking crudely:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

It is what it is.

Hahha what?
Everyone likes to say men and women can't be friends. For some that is the absolute truth. But not for everyone. 

2012-07-17 2:49 PM
in reply to: #4316405

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
lifejustice - 2012-07-17 3:45 PM

Don't play niave with men/women friendships for the sake of talking crudely:

And I was about to suggest that the OP just whip it out.

 

 

2012-07-17 2:59 PM
in reply to: #4316412

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
lisac957 - 2012-07-17 12:47 PM
lifejustice - 2012-07-17 2:45 PM
lisac957 - 2012-07-17 12:12 PM

Yeah, friends suck unless there are ulterior motives involved.

I'm sorry.  There ARE "ulterior" (your terms, not mine) motives here.  Isn't that the entire purpose of this thread?  Don't act like this thread doesn't exist just so you can grab at one sentence.

Don't play niave with men/women friendships for the sake of talking crudely:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

It is what it is.

Hahha what?
Everyone likes to say men and women can't be friends. For some that is the absolute truth. But not for everyone. 

Part 2 is equally enlightening towards how men and women look at this differently.



2012-07-17 3:37 PM
in reply to: #4316405

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
lifejustice - 2012-07-17 2:45 PM
lisac957 - 2012-07-17 12:12 PM

Yeah, friends suck unless there are ulterior motives involved.

I'm sorry.  There ARE "ulterior" (your terms, not mine) motives here.  Isn't that the entire purpose of this thread?  Don't act like the proof in this thread doesn't exist just so you can grab at one sentence that rubs you wrong.

Don't play niave with men/women friendships for the sake of talking crudely:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

It is what it is. 

 

If that was true, wouldn't I just be friends worth her for the sole reason of trying to hook up with her?

*shrugs*

2012-07-17 3:41 PM
in reply to: #4316412

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
lisac957 - 2012-07-17 3:47 PM
lifejustice - 2012-07-17 2:45 PM
lisac957 - 2012-07-17 12:12 PM

Yeah, friends suck unless there are ulterior motives involved.

I'm sorry.  There ARE "ulterior" (your terms, not mine) motives here.  Isn't that the entire purpose of this thread?  Don't act like this thread doesn't exist just so you can grab at one sentence.

Don't play niave with men/women friendships for the sake of talking crudely:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

It is what it is.

Hahha what?
Everyone likes to say men and women can't be friends. For some that is the absolute truth. But not for everyone. 

I've got a few male friends with now ulterior motives. Real, true, honest, genuine friends. No ulterior motives, no secrets, just people whose company I thoroughly enjoy and don't want to bang... and the feeling is mutual.

2012-07-17 3:55 PM
in reply to: #4316525

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
RushTogether - 2012-07-17 1:37 PM
lifejustice - 2012-07-17 2:45 PM
lisac957 - 2012-07-17 12:12 PM

Yeah, friends suck unless there are ulterior motives involved.

I'm sorry.  There ARE "ulterior" (your terms, not mine) motives here.  Isn't that the entire purpose of this thread?  Don't act like the proof in this thread doesn't exist just so you can grab at one sentence that rubs you wrong.

Don't play niave with men/women friendships for the sake of talking crudely:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

It is what it is. 

 

If that was true, wouldn't I just be friends worth her for the sole reason of trying to hook up with her?

*shrugs*

Why am I having to explain something that somebody else said?  oh well.

 Again, "Ulterior motive" were not my words, and I don't believe them to define what is going on.  I don't think "sole reason for trying to hook up with her" is even close to what I was trying to get at, either.

 I don't think you have ulterior motives...but there is now something else -in your mind- that has been presented to the relationship other than friendship, correct?  I don't know what that phrase would be, or even if there are English words to describe it...and it is not wrong by any means...But ultimately some chemistry in your friendship has changed. 

*That* is what I was eluding to when I said there is plenty of proof of this in my thread.  Chemistry change.  This entire thread is about how the chemistry is changing in your relationship, and a comment was made dismissing that.

I don't know.  I guess I've said what I had to say.  This conversation is just spinning in a wierd direction over the way words are written and what the white space in between the typed words might actually mean and how somebody else wrote something that I didn't agree with yet I have to defend in some manner?

Wierd.

 

 

 



Edited by lifejustice 2012-07-17 4:00 PM
2012-07-17 4:00 PM
in reply to: #4316533

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 4:41 PM

... and the feeling is mutual.

Girl, please.

 

2012-07-17 4:08 PM
in reply to: #4316533

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 1:41 PM

I've got a few male friends with now ulterior motives. Real, true, honest, genuine friends. No ulterior motives, no secrets, just people whose company I thoroughly enjoy and don't want to bang... and the feeling is mutual.

Women always say this even though it doesn't work that way with guys. (that is what the video was outlining).  Are you 100% that the feeling is mutual, or are you just saying that because that is what you *think*?

Here's a test:  If a woman puts on a pretty dress. then shows up at their good guy friend's house at 8PM.  Ask them if they want to "fool around".   If they say,"no, you should probably go home." then you are absolutely right and I will call myself and all men fools. 

...But they won't say that.  They don't have a friendzone. 

 



Edited by lifejustice 2012-07-17 4:19 PM


2012-07-17 4:34 PM
in reply to: #4316623

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
lifejustice - 2012-07-17 4:08 PM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 1:41 PM

I've got a few male friends with now ulterior motives. Real, true, honest, genuine friends. No ulterior motives, no secrets, just people whose company I thoroughly enjoy and don't want to bang... and the feeling is mutual.

Women always say this even though it doesn't work that way with guys. (that is what the video was outlining).  Are you 100% that the feeling is mutual, or are you just saying that because that is what you *think*?

Here's a test:  If a woman puts on a pretty dress. then shows up at their good guy friend's house at 8PM.  Ask them if they want to "fool around".   If they say,"no, you should probably go home." then you are absolutely right and I will call myself and all men fools. 

...But they won't say that.  They don't have a friendzone. 

 

Absolutely NOT true......we can still be friends. Laughing

Then again, that'd pretty much be the end of my wife being friendly with me. Yell



Edited by Left Brain 2012-07-17 4:45 PM
2012-07-17 5:15 PM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
lifejustice - 2012-07-17 5:08 PM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 1:41 PM

I've got a few male friends with now ulterior motives. Real, true, honest, genuine friends. No ulterior motives, no secrets, just people whose company I thoroughly enjoy and don't want to bang... and the feeling is mutual.

Women always say this even though it doesn't work that way with guys. (that is what the video was outlining).  Are you 100% that the feeling is mutual, or are you just saying that because that is what you *think*?

Here's a test:  If a woman puts on a pretty dress. then shows up at their good guy friend's house at 8PM.  Ask them if they want to "fool around".   If they say,"no, you should probably go home." then you are absolutely right and I will call myself and all men fools. 

...But they won't say that.  They don't have a friendzone. 

 

100% sure. I'd even put money on it.

Pretty sure if I did that, they'd both call me by my last name, ask what drugs I'm on, and laugh at me.

Problem is, they live in TX and PA. So, no go on the experiement.

ETA: I have been with both of these men in situations that would have been easy for either of us to make a move. No one did. Example with one of them: drunk, single, alone, in a foreign country - which I went to so I could visit him while he worked abroad for 6 months. We just aren't into eachother like that. His girlfriend is very much un-like me physically and with her interests. I'm not attracted to him physically, nor do I like to be treated how he treats his girlfriends (very lovey-dovey and overly romantic. Not my style at all)... and he has, on more than one occasion, claimed that I'm a dude without junk.



Edited by ratherbeswimming 2012-07-17 5:24 PM
2012-07-17 5:54 PM
in reply to: #4316739

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 6:15 PM... and he has, on more than one occasion, claimed that I'm a dude without junk.
Oldest line in the book.
2012-07-17 6:51 PM
in reply to: #4314005

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend

Wasn't this whole topic settled about 25 years ago with the movie "When Harry met Sally?"  Billy Crystal's character was more right than wrong.  

Personally, if I was single, and I had a female friend that was also single...and I was having "more than friends" feelings for the woman, I'd either drop hints or tell her, depending on the situation.  That said, I'd realize the entire dynamic of "what was" would no longer be.  How feelings of that magnitude could arise 10 to 15 years after having known this woman as a friend though, would be odd for me.  

Perhaps I'm a monster, but I am going to know within about 5 seconds if I'm going to want a woman to be "more than friends."  If I'm single and Natalie Portman wants to be friends with me, I'm just not going to let that happen.  I could be socially acceptable, laugh, joke, etc., but eventually I'm either making a move or I'm maintaining a shallow relationship with this person...more acquaintance than "friend."

RushTogether, there is no right or wrong in your case.  You've done the right thing because the situation is what you make of it.  Some look at it as a no-win, but it's all based on perspective...and you and this ladyfriend have the best view!  Good luck man.

2012-07-17 7:53 PM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend

ChineseDemocracy - 2012-07-17 7:51 PM

If I'm single and Natalie Portman wants to be friends with me, I'm just not going to let that happen. 

I'm married and if Natalie Portman wants to be friends with me, I'm on that like stink on a monkey.

 



2012-07-17 8:28 PM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
 .....and he has, on more than one occasion, claimed that I'm a dude without junk.

Has he come out of the closet yet???
2012-07-17 8:33 PM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend

I apologize for not reading the whole thread but I just wanted to add that I married my best friend when I was 18.  We met when we were 14 so our friendship was only for about 4 years though.  

I've always said if you marry your best friend you'll stay married forever.  We've had some crazy ups and downs in our marriage of 20 years but divorce was never an option because we have always continued to be best friends.

2012-07-17 8:33 PM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
My wife was one of my best friends and 2 years later we started dating.  We've been together 24 years and married for 15.  It can work.
2012-07-17 10:00 PM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend

Goosedog - 2012-07-17 6:54 PM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 6:15 PM... and he has, on more than one occasion, claimed that I'm a dude without junk.
Oldest line in the book.

Oh yeah. Just what every woman wants to hear

2012-07-17 11:32 PM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 10:00 PM

Goosedog - 2012-07-17 6:54 PM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 6:15 PM... and he has, on more than one occasion, claimed that I'm a dude without junk.
Oldest line in the book.

Oh yeah. Just what every woman wants to hear

 

But he's right.

I've been married for nearly 20 years.....I adore my wife.  I don't have girl friends.  I'm absolutely faithful to my wife.  I don't have them because it's too risky.  If you are a girl, and we are friends, it means I like you, and you like me.  If you show up one night and say, "let's go".......I'm rat forked.  I'm a guy.  

There is only one woman in my life......I'm good with it.  

Actually, one woman is plenty of the gender for me to be "friends" with. Being friends with more than one would give me a headache.  Laughing



2012-07-18 2:55 AM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
lifejustice - 2012-07-18 5:08 AM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 1:41 PM

I've got a few male friends with now ulterior motives. Real, true, honest, genuine friends. No ulterior motives, no secrets, just people whose company I thoroughly enjoy and don't want to bang... and the feeling is mutual.

Women always say this even though it doesn't work that way with guys. (that is what the video was outlining).  Are you 100% that the feeling is mutual, or are you just saying that because that is what you *think*?

Here's a test:  If a woman puts on a pretty dress. then shows up at their good guy friend's house at 8PM.  Ask them if they want to "fool around".   If they say,"no, you should probably go home." then you are absolutely right and I will call myself and all men fools. 

...But they won't say that.  They don't have a friendzone. 

 

Been there done that went without the cheesecake!

May be a slightly anomalous situation since I happen to have very virtuous guy friends and I'm the one who doesn't have a friendzone.

I'd agree with you that the vast majority of straight men think about and want to sleep with their female friends. But from personal experience I'd disagree with you about how many actually WOULD. (I still think it's a vast majority, but significantly less than the former vast majority).

I would also say despite all that, tons of single and married people have very solid, long lasting friendships with the gender/type of people they are attracted to.

2012-07-18 8:14 AM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
Left Brain - 2012-07-18 12:32 AM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 10:00 PM

Goosedog - 2012-07-17 6:54 PM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 6:15 PM... and he has, on more than one occasion, claimed that I'm a dude without junk.
Oldest line in the book.

Oh yeah. Just what every woman wants to hear

 

But he's right.

I've been married for nearly 20 years.....I adore my wife.  I don't have girl friends.  I'm absolutely faithful to my wife.  I don't have them because it's too risky.  If you are a girl, and we are friends, it means I like you, and you like me.  If you show up one night and say, "let's go".......I'm rat forked.  I'm a guy.  

There is only one woman in my life......I'm good with it.  

Actually, one woman is plenty of the gender for me to be "friends" with. Being friends with more than one would give me a headache.  Laughing

Your observations are not everyone's reality.

2012-07-18 8:31 AM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-18 8:14 AM
Left Brain - 2012-07-18 12:32 AM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 10:00 PM

Goosedog - 2012-07-17 6:54 PM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 6:15 PM... and he has, on more than one occasion, claimed that I'm a dude without junk.
Oldest line in the book.

Oh yeah. Just what every woman wants to hear

 

But he's right.

I've been married for nearly 20 years.....I adore my wife.  I don't have girl friends.  I'm absolutely faithful to my wife.  I don't have them because it's too risky.  If you are a girl, and we are friends, it means I like you, and you like me.  If you show up one night and say, "let's go".......I'm rat forked.  I'm a guy.  

There is only one woman in my life......I'm good with it.  

Actually, one woman is plenty of the gender for me to be "friends" with. Being friends with more than one would give me a headache.  Laughing

Your observations are not everyone's reality.

You're right.  Most of my friends aren't faithful. Laughing ....... And check out the divorce rate sometime.



Edited by Left Brain 2012-07-18 8:32 AM
2012-07-18 8:37 AM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
Left Brain - 2012-07-18 6:31 AM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-18 8:14 AM
Left Brain - 2012-07-18 12:32 AM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 10:00 PM

Goosedog - 2012-07-17 6:54 PM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 6:15 PM... and he has, on more than one occasion, claimed that I'm a dude without junk.
Oldest line in the book.

Oh yeah. Just what every woman wants to hear

 

But he's right.

I've been married for nearly 20 years.....I adore my wife.  I don't have girl friends.  I'm absolutely faithful to my wife.  I don't have them because it's too risky.  If you are a girl, and we are friends, it means I like you, and you like me.  If you show up one night and say, "let's go".......I'm rat forked.  I'm a guy.  

There is only one woman in my life......I'm good with it.  

Actually, one woman is plenty of the gender for me to be "friends" with. Being friends with more than one would give me a headache.  Laughing

Your observations are not everyone's reality.

You're right.  Most of my friends aren't faithful. Laughing ....... And check out the divorce rate sometime.

I can say it's not the norm but I am a man who has many very close female friends who are purely just friends and there will never be any sexual contact even if they offered. I think it's sad for a man or woman to say they have no personal will power or integrity and they are just being a man/woman if that happens.



Edited by Big Appa 2012-07-18 8:38 AM
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