Yes, something on my mind is bothering me, and I need your help. (Page 2)

I wish I had a way to go into their heads and know exactly what they're thinking. Are they thinking "Why does he keep talking about triathlons", "why is he so predictable s/b/r", "why is he too focused or good for me?".

That's awesome that you found someone who at least 'gets' it, even if they don't actively still focus on as much fitness. Just the 'get' sets a baseline for any level of understanding, which I find that is something I need.

I don't know. I don't even know you.

I was given some advice once.... if one person tells you something, no big deal. If three people tell you the same thing..... you might want to look into that.

Just stating what you want in a relationship and asking where one might find that is reasonable. Yet, you mentioned why you are looking for "this" because you found "that" drove you nuts. Well... that's a different discussion. That's more about why is what you were doing not working. That could be a host of reasons...one being you are too intense. But I don't know, because this is just an internet forum.

You're serious? I'm getting my own personal mentor all the way from Indonesia (you live there, right?)!

I don't have skype and I don't even have internet in my house, but I'm very open to this virtual feedback from you. Let me see what I can do.

Trainer date? LOL. I would totally do that, but it's a ton more fun live because I can smell your awesomeness. What's the best way to compensate for that?

Thanks.

So, you bring up a good point. I think that I'm also very naturally curious. I tend to ask many questions because I'm genuinely curious about the other person. Because I'm also restless, I might come off as an interviewer. Over the years, I've tried really hard to slow this down.

So, last night for example, after finishing my run I was walking back to work and I bumped into a co-worker. We started chatting and she asked how my weekend was. The first thing that came to my mind was "oh , i'm screwed, how do I tell her in the MOST non-triathlon form that I just did the SavageMan 100.0 course, which consists of the toughest oly and toughest HIM in the world"? To make it sound 'normal', I told her, "It was good." and I ended it there and switched the conversation to her instead.

How would you communicate the message without sounding too OCD?

"My weekend was good!  I got to ride my bike, and did some laundry and stuff, you know.  How was your weekend?"

See how that goes?  "I rode my bike" is less "intense" than "I did the Savageman 100" or whatever.  If you did a brick or multiple S/B/R workouts, say you "worked out."

The deeper stuff you may want to figure out still applies, but this is just convo-101.

These after first dates they call you intense?  Or after getting to know you?

Maybe it's me, but "intense" sounds like one of those ambiguous words/excuses you can use as a reason not to continue seeing someone that doesn't offend.  I'm guessing it's NOT your triathlon.  Everyone has hobbies, so I doubt it's that, but more the way you project yourself.

Could ask them what they mean by "intense" the next time.  And if they are willing to explain...

It could also be the "it's not you, it's me" or "I feel intimidated by you to continue dating" approach.

Put the shoe on the other foot. Replace all your triathlon/exercise references with, oh I don't know, scrapbooking or birdwatching, then contemplate going on a first date with a person as committed to those activities as you are to tri. 

That said, I have been married for 21 years (as of Friday) after a brief 7-year courtship and know exactly diddly-squat about dating.

Dude.....you don't EVER want to go there.  You get in there.....you'll get spun around and never get out.  Stay out of their heads....just feed and water them.