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Old memories
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 2005-09-11 8:55 PM |
Expert 615   Brisbane |  Subject: Old memoriesNeed assistance. I was clearing a room on the weekend and as per usual when cleaning, came across some old photos of ex-girlfriend among others. It has been about 7 years since we were together, and I haven't really given a lot of thought to the photos or her, until a recent email. We are still chatting every know and then on email, but only until recently. We have both moved on, and are happy with our situations. So as you can see by the poll, should I keep the photos of her and the time spent tgether, or dump them and move on with my happy existance. Part of me wishes to remember and part of me thinks it's disrespectful of my now fiance. Let me know your thoughts |
| 2005-09-11 9:17 PM in reply to: #244355 |
Master 2052  Colorado | Subject: RE: Old memories Hang on to a few. This is your life, your memories. It's great that you've moved on, but it's nice every now and again to remember where you've been. |
| 2005-09-11 10:54 PM in reply to: #244355 |
Elite 3020 Bay Area, CA | Subject: RE: Old memories I do not get the idea about "let's pretend this never happened so I will destroy all photos." It was your life, you have some pics and some memories. As long as they are in a box or photo album with the rest of your stuff and not enshrined somewhere, so what? Are you supposed to pretend that you did not have a life before you met your fiance? Your life and your history is what brought you to where you are now, with the person you have decided to spend your life with. Let's just say it this way: Photo album - ok. Placed on a wall where you can look at it every day - not ok. I have pics of my ex on our wedding day (as well as a lot of other pics that were taken during our relationship) as well as pics of the kids, old friends, family etc. It's part of my history. Admittedly, the part with the ex I wouldn't repeat, but it has been cool on occasion to sit down with the kids and go through some of those old albums and talk about the pics, when they were taken, who was in the picture etc. |
| 2005-09-12 6:27 AM in reply to: #244355 |
Queen BTich 12411 , | Subject: RE: Old memories I agree to hang on to only a select few photos. Place them tucked away or in an album somewhere, but like the previous poster, not on the wall or in your wallet. I would hang on to the pictures of events that were important, birthdays, anniversaries, races, etc. Toss the random snapshots. |
| 2005-09-12 7:14 AM in reply to: #244355 |
Pro 4612 MA | Subject: RE: Old memories Yeah, hang on to them. People come and go and she made a part of your life. |
| 2005-09-12 7:23 AM in reply to: #244355 |
Veteran 305 Wichita Falls | Subject: RE: Old memories my wife and mom actually give me hell for the girls i have dated in my lifetime... they will look at them and laugh and ask "what were you thinking?!" |
| 2005-09-15 2:19 PM in reply to: #244355 |
Champion 5495 Whizzzzzlandia Silver member | Subject: RE: Old memories Keep them all... But keep them in an album...with all your other memoribilia... I agree... it's part of your life! I actually think it's less disrespectful to your current fiancee to keep photo albums of your old girlfriend than it is to "chat" with said old girlfriend over email. Keep the photos. Stop chatting.  Whizzzzzzzzzzzzz |
| 2005-09-15 2:40 PM in reply to: #244355 |
| New user 80 california | Subject: RE: Old memories CHATTING? YOU HAVE A FIANCE? DOES SHE KNOW YOU CORRESPOND WITH HER? KEEP THE PICS. DOES YOUR FIANCE KNOW YOU HAVE PICS? CAN YOU STILL BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR LOVER? |
| 2005-09-15 2:50 PM in reply to: #244355 |
Master 1462 Michigan | Subject: RE: Old memories Dump em, don't keep a single one, the past is the past and down the road you'll be happier. I believe it is somewhat disrespectful to your fiancee. |
 2005-09-15 2:54 PM in reply to: #244355 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2005-09-15 2:56 PM in reply to: #244355 |
| Queen BTich 12411 , | Subject: RE: Old memories But these people made you who you are today. That means something-you learn and grow from these experiences and sometimes need a reminder. I keep some reminders (not in plain sight) of a person I used to be, with ex's, and don't want to be again. |
| 2005-09-15 3:08 PM in reply to: #247524 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2005-09-15 3:22 PM in reply to: #244355 |
| Pro 4040 | Subject: RE: Old memories Keep the photos. Who you dated, who you loved, who you fooled around with etc. is irrelevant to your current relationship. I still have all my pictures, but I admit to having chucked all the dirty letters that I had. I thought, the pictures are fine, but dirty letters, well, that's not something that I'll be able to revisit in good conscience (although, today they could prove to be a real laugh!). Spare your fiancée the details, spare her the numbers (you don't want to get into a competition, you might lose!), but keep your pictures. |
| 2005-09-15 3:24 PM in reply to: #244355 |
| Pro 4040 | Subject: RE: Old memories Oh, btw, if they're dirty PICTURES, well, you must post them on the internet, ah, I mean, you must destroy them. |
| 2005-09-15 3:27 PM in reply to: #244387 |
| St. Louis, MO | Subject: RE: Old memories ChipmunkHeart - 2005-09-11 8:17 PMHang on to a few. This is your life, your memories. It's great that you've moved on, but it's nice every now and again to remember where you've been. I agree with this. Many couples I know (and I have taken this idea as well for my and my husband) each get 1 box. Not a teeny box, or a huge box, but a realistic size box to keep old memorabilia in. This can be year books, prom pics, other fun childhood to pre wedding memories. Memories are important, but the things that remind you of past times should not over take your home or your life with your fiances. Keep a few pics, make a shrine to your fiance. |
| 2005-09-15 3:34 PM in reply to: #247533 |
| Master 1462 Michigan | Subject: RE: Old memories Lara - 2005-09-15 4:08 PM But these people made you who you are today. I have to disagree with that statement. I am who I am today because of who I've chosen to be. I agree that part of who we are is what we've experienced in our life and part of that is other people in our lives. But I don't think other people change us, unless we allow them too. And why let someone change you? My past girl friends did not make me what I am today. I really don't need material objects to remind me of old flames. I have memories and that is enough. I live in the present and I do think it is disrespectful to a new girl friend, fiancee, wife etc. Just my 2 cents. |
| 2005-09-15 3:43 PM in reply to: #247561 |
| Pro 4040 | Subject: RE: Old memories smokeater1833 - 2005-09-15 3:34 PM My past girl friends did not make me what I am today. I really don't need material objects to remind me of old flames. I have memories and that is enough. I live in the present and I do think it is disrespectful to a new girl friend, fiancee, wife etc. Just my 2 cents. Not to put too fine a point on it, but as you get older, some of those memories can be fun to revisit, maybe even with your wife. I have been with my wife for over 8 years, I'm not going anywhere and she knows that. Those petty jealousies that popped up at the beginning are gone. We can hear about an ex without feeling resentment. We can hear a story about an ex and maybe want to see a picture that is relevant to better appreciate it. When you chuck something, you must assume that you will always feel the way you do today, because once it's gone, it's gone for good. I'm no greybeard, but I have learned that we do change our minds and think back to opinions we had when we were younger and wonder how we ever felt like that. |
| 2005-09-15 3:45 PM in reply to: #247572 |
| Queen BTich 12411 , | Subject: RE: Old memories Opus - 2005-09-15 4:43 PM smokeater1833 - 2005-09-15 3:34 PM My past girl friends did not make me what I am today. I really don't need material objects to remind me of old flames. I have memories and that is enough. I live in the present and I do think it is disrespectful to a new girl friend, fiancee, wife etc. Just my 2 cents. I'm no greybeard, but I have learned that we do change our minds and think back to opinions we had when we were younger and wonder how we ever felt like that. Thank you! |
| 2005-09-15 3:47 PM in reply to: #244355 |
| Buttercup 14334 | Subject: RE: Old memories It's YOUR life; if you want to keep them, then keep them. This has nothing to do with your fiance. I assume she is aware that you had a life before you met her, that she understands there were women in your life before you met her. What's the point of eliminating the evidence/ photographic memories of that life? |
| 2005-09-15 4:11 PM in reply to: #244355 |
| New user 80 california | Subject: RE: Old memories As long as YOU're single then it is your life. It is pretty cool to hear all these independent self confident women, but not everybody is this way. I don't know if the majority of married people or people in relationships could handle listening about past relationships, loves and even friendships. Isn't the divorce rate still around 50% and I know it's not because of Jealousy and insecurity, but a lot of it is. What do think about that? Edited by bigfish 2005-09-15 4:12 PM |
| 2005-09-15 4:30 PM in reply to: #247593 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2005-09-15 4:46 PM in reply to: #247601 |
| New user 80 california | Subject: RE: Old memories Lara - 2005-09-15 1:30 PM I get rid of 'the evidence' I've always enjoyed hearing about past relationships because they are a part of a person I'm learning to care deeply about and that is part of their past. Plus it gives me pointers on where things fell apart so I know how to avoid the same pit-falls What DOES hurt is finding about keeping in touch with ex's the wrong way. A week after my husband and I got married I was driving his truck and reached up to turn the visor down to block the sun. Four or five greeting (birthday, holiday, hi how are you doing) cards fell into my lap along with pictures of her and her daughter (from a prior marriage). I knew he taked to her on the phone maybe once or twice a year. But it felt like he was hiding her correspondence from me. I didn't know if I should be mad or cry. We were on our way to dinner when it happened and at dinner he brought them into the resturaunt and let me read all of them. All of it was just friendly communication. What really hurt was that he hid it from me. If he told you about the cards and pictures before would you have been o.k. with this? I just feel that it is human nature to feel this way. I mean to think that you are or have been the only one. But then I'm not telling the whole truth either, because my wife and has male friends that write her and call her and I could really care less, because I trust her. |
for me. I feel no need to hold onto it for any reason. The memories will be there. I may possibly share things about the relationship with another SO in the future. But I don't see a reason to hold onto anything. | 2005-09-15 4:55 PM in reply to: #244355 |
| Master 1641 Cambridge, MA | Subject: RE: Old memories I voted to asked your fiancee how she feels... it's really simple and better than trying to guess. She may not care, or she may be up in arms over it. Personally, reminders from a relationship 7 years past seem like just part of life's debris. I'd keep mine around and expect that my SO would keep them, too. Cheers, -Sunny |
| 2005-09-15 4:57 PM in reply to: #244355 |
| COURT JESTER 12230 ROCKFORD, IL | Subject: RE: Old memories Keep them. As much as I feel funky whenever my wife sees an old picture of me with a past girlfriend. I asked her about it and she's cool. SHE KNOWS SHE'S THE ONE THAT GOT ME!! |
| 2005-09-15 5:37 PM in reply to: #244355 |
| Expert 615 Brisbane | Subject: RE: Old memories Thanks guys. I didn't realise a simple poll to turn into a philosophical debate on relationships. The pics are well and truely out of sight and for 364 days of the year out of mind. As for the chatting, I have only just sent an email recently for the first time in 4 years, mainly to apologise for being a shit!! (another time and place for that one, but nothing indecent) I think I'll keep a few. They have no impact on my current relationship, so again out of sight out of mind. She is a good person and we respect each other current situations, at least at my end I do, so I guess we'll see what happens. thanks again. |
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