Anyone battling clinical depression???

I have...and still have little glimpses now and again.  If you look back at my logs around September/October, you'll see it.  I've done meds in the past...helpful to an extent.  I took them in addition to therapy.  Helpfulness of therapy was dependent on the therapist.

After my last bad bout, I got into and am still in counseling/therapy with someone who really works well for me.  Finding someone like that can be difficult, and sometimes you have to bounce around to find someone that is a good fit.

As far as motivation, I had to rely a lot on my friends.  That required me to be very open about the fact that I was depressed and bad things were going on in my head and I needed help.  Once people knew, they were more able to help me.  Since then I've been able to get back to a "relatively" consistent training plan, and that has become my antidepressant.  I'm not on any medications, but the combo of training, therapy, and support from my friends and such, I've been able to climb back out of what was a pretty dark and deep hole.

Exercise is my main antidepressant too. Triathlon training is so goal motivated that it forces me to look ahead and look forward to racing as well as enjoy the daily workout to keep me in the moment. It also adds to structure and getting in a routine where staying in bed all day isn't an option.

Some days it is hard to get out there, but I know that once I've come back from a run that I'll feel better. I have to keep telling myself that on some days. There are the days where I am tired and lethargic so I take that day off without feeling guilty or beating myself up. Everyone needs an off day every now and again.

I've had two major bouts of clinical depression in the last 5-6 years.  I even wrote a BT article called Keeping the Blues at Bay about it. I've just completed my latest round of counseling/therapy and I'm still taking antidepressants.

I've found that the more consistent I am with my exercise and nutrition, the more stable my mood is. It's really hard some days to get up and going, but once I do, I feel so much better.  Having friends check on me and encourage me to keep going helps a lot. I've also found that the eating 5-6 small meals a day instead of 3 large ones keeps my blood sugar more even through the day which helps me avoid the low times of day when I'll just want to crawl back into bed.

I think the most important thing to know about medication is that it helps your brain chemistry stabilize so that you can deel with the emotional and mental issues that keep you in depression. I'm of the opinion that medication is a valuable tool in terms of stabilizing your seratonin level so that your synapses work correctly, but in and of itself it's probably not a cure. I'd highly recommend pairing medication (if you and your doctor think it's necessary) with talk therapy.  It's a combo that has done wonders for me.

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this.  I know that it's a real effort just to get up in the morning, let alone train!  This is an issue that is near and dear to my heart, and I've been doing a lot of research and study on it, getting ready to teach a group at my church on the topic.  If you want to PM me, I'd love to share with you more about what I've found out.....

Hang in there!

I'm so sorry you guys are going through this.  Must be tough at times.  I have been close enough to it to realize how hard it can be at times (played a part in my first marriage ending).

I don't want to hijack, so this may be a different thread, but as well as mentioning how you deal with it, could you drop a word or two about how a loved one can help?  I felt powerless the first time, and I would like to be there if something like this happens again.

That's a very good question, because outside support is crucial in the recovery of depression.  It's tricky, too, because the person does still have their own mind, and you can't really force them to do anything until they become a threat to themselves or others.  Basically, the best thing I can think of is don't ignore the problem.  They are already trying to do that, or they are trying to hide because part and parcel with the depression comes the want to isolate.  Address it, see that you are seeing a difference, they seem sad, what not, and you'd like to help.  Be honest in saying you don't know how, but will try whatever you can to help.  Do NOT tell them it will pass, to snap out of it, etc and so forth.  It's invalidating.   If they are in counseling, ask them if it would be ok for you to talk to their therapist to see if they (the therapist) has any suggestions on what you can do to help.  This I would recommend doing with the patient present, so they don't feel like you are just trying to dig into their brain without their knowledge.

Other people might have better suggestions.  I've never had an SO, so I've never had that support mechanism, but I do have friends that, when they know something is wrong, will check on me.  Being an SO puts you in closer proximity to the problem, and you have the likelihood of picking up on stuff that those who aren't around on a daily basis might not see.  (A lot of depressed people are REALLY good at hiding it to a majority of the outside world).

I have not been diagnosed with it...yet...but my mother and my SO are both Chemical depressives.  Rickey, my SO is on long term disability for it (along with a variety of other physical ailments).  There are good days, and there are really bad days. 

Over the last 5 years, I have been in a downward spiral emotionally.  Mine is all based on external circumstances, namely finances.  I have not been prescribed anything and trying to deal with it, by exercising and the strength of my friends and family.  But I have a feeling, very soon, I will need some thing more to help.

x2 to the above.  I would also add that decision making for people with depression can be pretty tough.  Anything you can do to mitigate that would be helpful. That goes for the person with the depression, too - the middle of a depressive episode is not the time to make major decisions.

The thing my husband did best for me was to understand that even simple things were difficult for me and he gave me permission/space to get done what I could and not get done what I couldn't.  He did what he could to help pick up the slack without making me feel guilty about it.  He also didn't take it personally when I was grouchy and irritable, or generally didn't want to be around him and the kids.  We worked out some time for him to take over kid duty and let me have some time to myself to do whatever I felt like doing - get out of the house, sleep, read a book, whatever.  His understanding was invaluable to me!

I am too. I'm 47 and have been diagnosed for 7 yrs. I am on meds and use exercise to help. As my logs will attest I sometimes have a hard time and just have to really struggle. My Hubbie is great about it and really gives me the space and encouragement to get through the "gorilla times" You know the times that the "gorilla" has me trapped in the hole.   I have been sucessful in getting him back in his cage quite a few times. I think that being honest and open with my friends and loved ones has been the most helpful thing. They understand when I get distance or overwhelmed. It is hard sometimes but Triathlon has helped me to just keep going. Hope this helps and remember that we are here for you.

Chris

Wow. It is amazing to read all these stories.

Eight years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression. On a scale of 1 to 10, I was a 9. This was the result of 10 years of successfulling stuffing my emotions/grief from having multiple miscarriages (6 in 10 yrs). A great friend of mine literally dialed the number of her therapist and handed me the phone and walked out of the room. That was the beginning of my recovery. I am soooo lucky that I had a great therapist; she helped me unpack all that grief and taught me to listen to my emotions. I can remember our first session. "How do you feel" Um, ok. "What are you feeling?" Uhhh ok, I guess. I dunno. I was sooo out of tune with my emotions because I had been so good at blocking them out and turning my negative inwards. Until I started imploding and everything came out in one huge mess, that is.

Anyhoo, I still practice the various common sense things Genie taught me. Like listening to my emotions for starters. When I feel a depressive episode coming on, I stop drinking anything alcoholic, I tend to myself more (bubble baths, walks, stay away from depressing movies or song). Most importantly, I have someone I call when things feel very, very bad. This is my safety person; I trust that I can tell this person "I'm creeping towards a 9 or 10" and just getting this out makes all the difference in the world. Obviously, I still struggle from time to time. It helps to get it out. I write about it, I tell my friends. I do not hide it from myself or others, as I used to do. It's a way of forcing myself to be responsible for my own mental health.

Lately, I've been experiencing what I am sure is perimenopausal induced depression. It lasts about 3 days and then is gone, all of its own accord. As any of you who suffer from clinical depression know, this is NOT clinical depression. The first few times it happened, I was very alarmed by it, thinking it was the onset of clinical depression. Very few things in life scare me, but nothing scares me like the thought of being clinically depressed. I absolutely hate depression. Anyway, the episodes are brief and the relief comes on its own, so I'm sure it's perimenopausal. But having experienced clinical depression, you can imagine how alert I am to it being anything more serious than that. When it happens, I remind myself that 1) what I am feeling is temporary and 2) what I am seeing is a distorted view, that I am seeing life through the fog of depression. This helps me hang in there and keep perspective when I am in the midst of my hormonal storm. I am working on more and better self-talk, in anticipation of the next storm.

I actually started triathlon training 3 years ago because I had too much time on my hands and wanted to be proactive in keeping the endorphins flowing and the depression at bay. I am very inconsistent with my training, but I keep coming back to it (and this site) because I recognize the high value of staying active and feeling physically good.

I commiserate with all of you who bravely told your stories, and those of you who are reading this thread without comment but who fight this battle on a moment-by-moment basis. Behind the clouds, the sky is always blue. Keep fighting the good fight.

Yup, I've dealt with depression on and off for at least 10, maybe 15 years.  Finally got diagnosed as type 2 bipolar.  Definitely runs in the family.  For me, years of counseling helped a little but frankly got monotonous.  The biggest breakthrough for me was in finding the right combination of meds.  (Bipolar is a bit more complicated than pure depression, so it took some time.)  As was mentioned, the meds simply make it possible for me to process my thoughts and emotions normally rather than being overwhelmed by them.

Physical exercise helps enormously for me, as well, and training for triathlons and the like gives me a good goal to work towards in a structured way.  That's very important if you're working through a period of depression.

If you'd like more specific or in-depth information, I'd be happy to chat with you privately.  Just PM me.

I've struggled with depression since my heart surgery seven years ago.  Unfortunately it's often associated with cardiovascular disease and/or surgery.  The hospital psychologist I worked with was very helpful in helping me to be able to identify and better deal with the symptoms.  It's gradually gotten better over the years, but still flairs up at times.  I've been going through a bit a struggle for the last month or so, as evidenced by my sleep pattern, which is completely out of wack (one of the measures is how many times I post on BT at 3:00AM). 

One of my triggers is taking my Coumadin every evening, knowing that I will have to take it for the rest of my life, any if l don't I will likely suffer a stroke from a blood clot off my mechanical aortic valve. 

I compensate is by keeping super busy, to avoid just sitting around.  Exercise definitely helps: as Renee referenced, there's nothing like a good endorphin rush.  The toughest part is often just finding the motivation to get myself out the door.

Another influence is my heightened sense of mortality since my surgery - I'm trying to fit as many things into the precious, limited time I know I have.  At time I get very obsessive about volunteering, be at Church, Habitat for Humanity or whatever.

Mark

First, I'll admit that I've not read every post. Today, I can't because it's not a good day. I suffer from depression. You can look at some of my other posts and know that my wife (39 yrs old) is terminally ill. I'm facing raising 3 kids alone. I struggled with depression before but this wrinkle has made it much more difficult. I'm on meds (cymbalta and wellbutrin) and am fairly well managed. This sport has helped a ton too because of training and racing.

My docs keep me on meds, even though I'm feeling well right now, because things will get worse before better. Today, it looks like I'll lose her in 8 months or so.

Yes, I feel too tired to train, but always feel better when I do. Races are good for me because they are about me - not drs appts, CT scans, etc. For once, I hear my name when I cross the finish line. Although, I've had people yell out, "Go Stephanie's husband". Our story is pretty public - especially in the Houston area.

How do I motivate myself? I think a scene in the movie Cast Away summed it up best. When Tom Hanks is rescued only to find out that his fiance has married someone else, he's telling a friend about his experience on the island. He says, "you've just got to keep breathing." Many days, thats what I say. I've got too much to live for to stop breathing. So whether it's a hard day of training or just deciding to eat today, you've just got to keep breathing.

Every moment of life is about that. Bad training? Keep breathing. Job got you down? Keep breathing. Don't want to get out of bed, on the bike, etc.? Keep breathing. Keep moving. Keep going forward. No matter how slow, forward is not backward, and eventually you will reach your destination.

Live with intention,

Greg 

I too have battled depression.  I agree with Renee that when I start sliding to the edge of that abyss it scares the daylights out of me.

I have been on meds (celexa) for going on three years.  My boss and company president intervined one day when I went home from work because I could not take it anymore.  Life at home during that time had gotten real bad and I wasn't sure that my marriage would make it.  Having been divorced once before the fear of that pain and agony drove me even deeper.

My wife was a real trooper during that time.  She went to the doc with me, supported me when I was going to counseling and helped keep me going on the exercise front.

Exercise has become real key to my mental health.  There are lots of times I have no desire to workout but once I get going and the endorphines flow I know it was the right thing which can drive me on even more

I also have a great group of friends that I have been very open with about the depression.  When I start slipping they will  ask me the questions I need to hear and they are pretty good and catching me when I try to hide it.

If anyone would like to stay in touch and support each feel free to PM me.  I'd love to be supportive for anyone going thorugh this battle.  I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.