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Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all
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 2009-05-09 11:47 AM |
COURT JESTER  12230     ROCKFORD, IL |  Subject: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it allLast night my wife makes a comment about how she's always buying our mom's mother's day presents....i.e. It's Mother's Day yet she (a momma) is doing all the gift buying. I stated that I don't remember growing up with Mother's Day being a big deal. Cards were given, maybe dinner, but I didn't remember the entire gift giving thing (Will have to check with mom on that). Intentional or not, it was a guilt trip that actually caused me to lose sleep as I pondered the psychology of Mother's Day VS. Father's Day. Why does it seem that (general terms here) mother's make a huge deal out of Mother's day (cards, gifts, flowers, etc.) and dad's could care less about Father's day, and if given a true and actual choice would spend the day on a golf course, riding a bike, long run, fishing, etc., and don't really care if there are gifts involved? Post this while on lunch. Heading back to work and look forward to some good reading later. Thank you. |
| 2009-05-09 11:51 AM in reply to: #2140477 |
Expert 810 | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all Im trying to figure out the psychology of getting out of the dog house since I forgot tomorrow is Mothers day. |
| 2009-05-09 12:07 PM in reply to: #2140477 |
Science Nerd 28760 Redwood City, California | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all I like giving people gifts, so I really don't have a problem with getting gifts. However, I think my dad's favorite gifts have been the years where we have gone on long rides together or just spent time together. |
| 2009-05-09 12:09 PM in reply to: #2140477 |
Sneaky Slow 8694 Herndon, VA, | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all I consider myself a good father, but the amount of effort/thought/time that I put into the kids pales in comparison to the same that their mother does. I think it is a lot easier to be a good father, than a good mother, in general*. I take my 3 and 1 year old to IHOP or something, or to the store, and everyone looks at me like I'm some sort of saint, which is ridiculous. Mothers... that's just the expectation. That might have something to do with it. -------- *to head off the "wow, you're painting with a broad brush there" BT cliche. Edited by newleaf 2009-05-09 12:11 PM |
| 2009-05-09 12:10 PM in reply to: #2140477 |
Elite 2661 DC Metro, slowly working my way to NC | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all If my grandmother was visiting on Mother's Day, it was a big honking goatrope and unenjoyable for everyone, because we HAD to go to brunch, we HAD to make a big deal of it all - mainly to shut her up. Makes for a lovely day. Once my grandmother decided she didn't want ot travel as much and we had the holiday to ourselves, it became a much more sedate and lovely affair for all. My brother or I would go to the nursery and pick up a plant for my Mom and we'd have dinner out on the deck. (More on par with Dad's day, which was new shorts & a shirt for summer and again, dinner on the deck.) I think it comes down to the mother in question - some mother's go all martyr on the holiday and send that guilt down the generational line. My Mom's attitude was, "I just like being able to have my kids around." (And she always liked getting a new plant.) |
 2009-05-09 1:33 PM in reply to: #2140499 |
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| 2009-05-09 2:14 PM in reply to: #2140477 |
| Uxbridge | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all I am racing on Mothers Day! Last year both my(adult)children were on the finish line cheering me on!!!( hopefully again this year too). My son told me that for all the years I cheered for him on the sidelines, that it was the least he could do...that meant a lot to me. Of course I got chocolate and flowers after the finish line ....which was great too! |
| 2009-05-09 2:26 PM in reply to: #2140498 |
| Iron Donkey 38643 , Wisconsin | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all newleaf - 2009-05-09 12:09 PM I consider myself a good father, but the amount of effort/thought/time that I put into the kids pales in comparison to the same that their mother does. I think it is a lot easier to be a good father, than a good mother, in general*. I take my 3 and 1 year old to IHOP or something, or to the store, and everyone looks at me like I'm some sort of saint, which is ridiculous. Mothers... that's just the expectation. That might have something to do with it. -------- *to head off the "wow, you're painting with a broad brush there" BT cliche. I agree. |
| 2009-05-09 2:56 PM in reply to: #2140477 |
| Expert 1288 Hatboro, PA | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all My family never goes big for Mother's Day/Father's Day. My Mom gets a card and flowers (from my sisters and I). My Dad gets a card and a game of golf (which has progressed from mini golf to real golf). Since both days are on Sundays, growing up we would go to church and then have our usual homemade Sunday lunch. (Sundays were always special days for my family.) Now that I don't live very close to my parents, they only get the flowers and golf. I like my family's tradition, as Mom/Dad get something special without going overboard. But then again, I don't like to go overboard for any holiday. |
| 2009-05-09 4:53 PM in reply to: #2140477 |
| Pro 4824 Houston | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all I am a firm believer that rules surrounding holidays need to be established early in a relationship preferrably before marriage. Having said that - I do NOTHING for my MIL for Mother's Day. She is not my Mother, she is my husbands Mother and not my responsibilty. My husband can't expect me to buy her a card/gift/flowers any more than I would expect him to do the same for my Mom. Mother's Day is a pretty big deal in our house though. I am a SAHM of 5 kids and it is generally a thankless job. Mother's Day is the perfect opportunity for my children and husband to thank me for everything I do every day without being asked. The same goes for Father's Day. I chose an amazing man and he wouldn't dream of spending Father's Day anywhere away from his children. For us that is a day for family, not to get away from family. Not sure if that answers your question or not but I think you should have a discussion with your wife over what expectations you each have so there are no more guilt trips. I will also be racing tomorrow and the best gift will be all my kids ages 2-16 waiting for me at the finish line. Edited by KeriKadi 2009-05-09 4:55 PM |
| 2009-05-10 1:03 AM in reply to: #2140477 |
| Elite 3972 Reno | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all My husband went to mail my mothers' gift (a pint of home made, (too runny,but tasty) kumquat marmalade I made with fruit I grew indoors in a pot). Anyway - you wife is telling you she expects the 'holiday' to be a bigger deal than you might be making it, and probably thinks she is "covering for you". This may be out of her own expectations rather than what YOUR mother's might be, but still something you might want to pay attention to and communicate with her about.
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| 2009-05-10 9:10 AM in reply to: #2140477 |
| Expert 616 searching for the elusive runner's high! | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all I think women expect more b/c we are emotional creatures. That being said, my family makes sure we recognize our mothers & grandmothers by sending a card. It is more about the thought and sentiment. No gifts really but when my grandmother was alive, there was always a family dinner that would rival ANY major holiday gathering! Today I slept in and awoke to a nice breakfast and a case of Clif bars with homemade cards from my two kids. A perfect Mother's Day for me!!  |
| 2009-05-10 5:41 PM in reply to: #2140477 |
| Elite 3022 Preferably on my bike somewhere | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all tupuppy - 2009-05-09 12:47 PM Last night my wife makes a comment about how she's always buying our mom's mother's day presents....i.e. It's Mother's Day yet she (a momma) is doing all the gift buying. I stated that I don't remember growing up with Mother's Day being a big deal. Cards were given, maybe dinner, but I didn't remember the entire gift giving thing (Will have to check with mom on that). Intentional or not, it was a guilt trip that actually caused me to lose sleep as I pondered the psychology of Mother's Day VS. Father's Day. Why does it seem that (general terms here) mother's make a huge deal out of Mother's day (cards, gifts, flowers, etc.) and dad's could care less about Father's day, and if given a true and actual choice would spend the day on a golf course, riding a bike, long run, fishing, etc., and don't really care if there are gifts involved? Post this while on lunch. Heading back to work and look forward to some good reading later. Thank you. My personal feeling is that dad's are under-appreciated in general. Why that is, I wouldn't venture to say. |
| 2009-05-10 6:27 PM in reply to: #2140477 |
| Expert 1379 Woodland, California | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all I can't stand that almost every holiday has been taken over by the consumer frenzy. V-day wins for most revolting, but my husband and I just choose to ignore it. The only holiday I really like is Thanksgiving, since it still seems to be mostly about getting together with your family and enjoying a good meal without the cost, hassle and pressure of buying expensive gifts. But I'm sure black Friday will soon push T-day out of the way and make it mostly about the shopping, like all the other holidays. |
| 2009-05-10 6:46 PM in reply to: #2140477 |
| Pro 4507 Simpsonville, SC | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all I like to think that Mother's Day is just a day to say thank you to your mom for all the crap that you put her through. I give my mom a hug and a card and try to convey how grateful I am that she did not kill me as a child. Now that I'm a mom, I like receiving handmade cards and notes from my kids. Today I got treated to a delightful cook out at home with hotdogs, chips and fruit. And I didn't have to cook it or clean it up. That's worth more to me than fancy jewelry or flowers. Now for Father's Day, my husband gets a trip to Idaho and a day of being my Sherpa for IMCdA. What more could any man want? Pam |
| 2009-05-10 7:11 PM in reply to: #2140477 |
| Master 2235 Pacific Northwest | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all I am exhausted from Mother's Day . . . I like the coffee in bed, the sweet handmade gifts that my boys made. . . but the rest of it. . . I had to spend 4 hours flower shopping and brunching with one of my Mothers-in-law (yes, I have 2) and my sister-in-law (since MIL really wants us to feel like her daughters blah blah...god I am a beyatch huh) ...and then have a visit from the other who arrived with a fancy schmancy gift bag full of unnecessary things.. All I really wanted was peace and quiet and a long workout! I get so sick of what I call "Hallmark Holidays". My husband's family goes insane over every holiday, overindulging everyone, having massive expectations regarding gift-giving...and it makes me crazy. Luckily hubby listened to me and didn't spend extra $ on a gift (I bought a transition bag, hehe) and he just took the boys away to have dinner with his mom, leaving me in the quiet to contemplate getting my workout done. Which I might, or I might nap.
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| 2009-05-11 10:24 AM in reply to: #2141970 |
| Champion 4835 Eat Cheese or Die | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all I don't know about the psychology of it all. My wife just want's to sleep in then have a low key day spent as a family. That's pretty much what I want, although I trade sleeping in for an early morning mountain bike ride, then spending the rest of the day hanging out as a family. |
| 2009-05-11 10:54 AM in reply to: #2140498 |
| Expert 1091 Madison | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all newleaf - 2009-05-09 12:09 PM I consider myself a good father, but the amount of effort/thought/time that I put into the kids pales in comparison to the same that their mother does. I think it is a lot easier to be a good father, than a good mother, in general*. I take my 3 and 1 year old to IHOP or something, or to the store, and everyone looks at me like I'm some sort of saint, which is ridiculous. Mothers... that's just the expectation. That might have something to do with it. -------- . I agree with this. However, I also know a couple stay at home dads of small children who get odd looks because they are the caretaker. It is frustrating that the stay at home parent, whether male or female, has to contend with the "that's not a REAL job." I remember when I started back at work full time after the kids were both in school. I was having a tough day at work and was talking about it to my hubby when he said "it's hard working full time, isn't it?" I told him "This is SO much easier than being a stay at home mom." He never mentioned it again Of course he still comes home and talks about how tired he is from work as I come home from work, get dinner ready, make sure the kids practice piano, and get the house in some kind of order. We always try and do something fun as a family for Mother's/Father's Day and neither of us is too worried about gifts, just doing something together. Edited by runs_with_jasper 2009-05-11 10:57 AM |
| 2009-05-11 2:20 PM in reply to: #2140477 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2009-05-12 10:43 AM in reply to: #2140477 |
| Champion 6962 Atlanta, Ga | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all As many of you know, I feel that just about every holiday is made up and you should be appreciating the people around you daily. You don't need a 'day' to make it more pronounced. But along those lines, I had many of my friends (husbands) say the following, "I can come do X,Y,Z because my wife wants me to hang out with her and since it's Mother's Day, I feel obliged to". That's fine, I'm cool with that. But the blank stare came when I reversed the situation. I asked, "So since you feel obligated to do what your wife asks of you on Mothers Day does she do the same on Father's Day? Since you did X,Y, Z with her, do you say I want you to do X,Y,Z on Father's Day and she has to do it?" (keep it clean people). Each and every one of them said it doesn't work that way. Why not? For the record, the example I used was: They couldn't come do an OWS. So I suggested that on Father's day she had to come out and watch him do an OWS. |
| 2009-05-12 10:46 AM in reply to: #2145783 |
| Sneaky Slow 8694 Herndon, VA, | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all Marvarnett - 2009-05-12 11:43 AM As many of you know, I feel that just about every holiday is made up and you should be appreciating the people around you daily. You don't need a 'day' to make it more pronounced. But along those lines, I had many of my friends (husbands) say the following, "I can come do X,Y,Z because my wife wants me to hang out with her and since it's Mother's Day, I feel obliged to". That's fine, I'm cool with that. But the blank stare came when I reversed the situation. I asked, "So since you feel obligated to do what your wife asks of you on Mothers Day does she do the same on Father's Day? Since you did X,Y, Z with her, do you say I want you to do X,Y,Z on Father's Day and she has to do it?" (keep it clean people). Each and every one of them said it doesn't work that way. Why not? For the record, the example I used was: They couldn't come do an OWS. So I suggested that on Father's day she had to come out and watch him do an OWS. This is just another way of asking the same question that the OP did. |
| 2009-05-12 11:39 AM in reply to: #2145789 |
| Champion 6962 Atlanta, Ga | Subject: RE: Mother's Day/Father's Day...Psychology of it all newleaf - 2009-05-12 11:46 AM Marvarnett - 2009-05-12 11:43 AM As many of you know, I feel that just about every holiday is made up and you should be appreciating the people around you daily. You don't need a 'day' to make it more pronounced. But along those lines, I had many of my friends (husbands) say the following, "I can come do X,Y,Z because my wife wants me to hang out with her and since it's Mother's Day, I feel obliged to". That's fine, I'm cool with that. But the blank stare came when I reversed the situation. I asked, "So since you feel obligated to do what your wife asks of you on Mothers Day does she do the same on Father's Day? Since you did X,Y, Z with her, do you say I want you to do X,Y,Z on Father's Day and she has to do it?" (keep it clean people). Each and every one of them said it doesn't work that way. Why not? For the record, the example I used was: They couldn't come do an OWS. So I suggested that on Father's day she had to come out and watch him do an OWS. This is just another way of asking the same question that the OP did. Not really. I was asking why it's not equitable. If Dad says "I'll do what you want on Mother's Day". Why isn't Mom committed to do the same thing on Father's Day. |
| 2009-05-12 11:55 AM in reply to: #2145955 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
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