PM's with opposite sex when u r married

i guess i have never thought contact with the opposite sex (whether online/in forums or in day to day living) was something to be hidden from or afraid to discuss with my spouse. i'm actually concerned as to why this would scare you, as it appears to?

i mean, i see and talk to men all day long in the course of my work day. pleasantries with the guy sitting next to me on the train. and maybe it's just me, but i find i would find it terribly insulting if some guy just blurted out "i'm married." because, you know, i can enjoy talking to people just because i enjoy talking to them without there being any further implications.

and i tell my husband about people on this board occasionally. when i first starting coming here, i chatted with john (jmc1888) and found out that he had just been in the shop my husband manages. so i mentioned to my husband that i met someone on this board that he had met. i've also had people tell me that they're going into my husband's shop, and i'll let my husband know that "so-and-so" who i know from "that tri board" might be coming in.

and as for my husband - some of his good friends and training partners are women.

so again i say that i'm actually concerned as to why this would scare you or make you think that participation will jeapordize your marriage? and maybe the problem centers around not being truthful about what you're doing to begin with.

I think you just have to ask yourself...how would I feel if my partner/spouse was doing this, and I didn't know about it? What does that say about the relationship?
But don't always assume that because you wouldn't mind something, that your partner wouldn't...just my 2 cents.

I think you are exactly right. Being open about it from the beginning would be the key. Then it should not be a problem.

i am married, but to the same sex, and never once has it occurred to me, or my partner, there there is anything verboten about hangin' out online with friends... She knows about this site (calls it a cult!) has her own log on so she can track my progress (but she never posts)

what is there to be straight up about? are you not "permitted" to have friendships outside of your marriage?

- "calls it a cult!" - lol

Joe Moya

Communicate. To each other.

My first thought is that only a Taliban would have any objections to a spouse sharing hobby-related chit chat with POTOS.

However, if there have been trust issues in a marriage, an exceptional degree of openess is required. (for instance, Possum's idea of giving your SO a separate log in.)

If it goes beyond "hobby related," and you start sharing the in's and out's of your relationship--and start "yearning" to "talk" to this person, then you might want to rethink your reason for "pm-ing."

When my wife asks, I just tell her that I am writing to all my girlfriends and making all sorts of dates to meet with them while she is at work!  Good thing she is not jealous!!!

Hmmm....I don't really view this as an issue. I'm totally open with my hubby about my friends - he's met most of the people I talk to on here, and I'd be more than happy to have him sign on to my account and view my logs. There shouldn't be anything here that I wouldn't want my husband to see - if it was any other way I'd be questioning my commitment to my marriage.

Hehe...this is funny though - I was checking my yahoo email account one day with my hubby sitting next to me. I had like 30 messages in my inbox telling me people had replied to a thread, and my husband's like, "Geez, who the heck is this Ron guy that's sending you all these emails??" So now whenever I check my email he asks if my boyfriend Ron has sent me any notes

Edited by Stacers 2005-04-19 10:58 AM

What are you in a marriage or a prison? I'm not married but if getting married means I can't keep my friends, chat with them online - male or female - or be apart of B.T. then count me single forever! I agree, this thread smells funny. If you're spouse is worried about the amount of time you spend online or PM'ing folks at B.T. then maybe there's something else wrong. Good luck.

But are you hot?

Tom, I was hot ... so I took off my sweater.  Now I feel a bit cooler and more comfortable.

hmmm. "bonnie" is a new user, has one post, has no log, has not been back to weigh in....

Sure doesn't sound up-'n-up to me especially being new user and that's the only post??!!!!???

I'm completely hot and I have been having an online affair with everyone's wife.

LOL!

If I don't get a date soon, I might start PMing you!

WOW, I guess I got things stirred up!!
But it's nice to see that most people really are pretty considerate of their spouse.
Thought it was a pretty legit topic.