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Joke Thread..
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 2005-04-19 12:54 PM |
Expert  1274    Jackson, Mississippi |  Subject: Joke Thread..So.. A man with transparent pants walks into a bar and orders a beer.. The bartender looks at him and replies.. "I"m sorry sir.. I can't serve you.. I can' clearly see your nuts" #2.. Then.. later on that day .. A String walks into the same bar.. He steps up and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry.. but we don't serve Strings". A little miffed the string leaves but not to be discouraged comes back half an hour later. String - "Bartender.. I'd like a beer please" BT - "I"m sorry.. but I told you once before.. We don't serve strings." Quite turned off by the situation the string leaves and makes his way around the corner.. When out of the bartender's sight he proceeds to tie him self in a knot and completely unravel and mess up his "hair" He returns to the bar a few minutes later... String - "Bartender I'd like a beer please" BT - "Ok.. uh.. wait a minute here.. Aren't you that string that was just in here earlier??" String - " Oh.. no I'm afraid not.." get it? tee hee anyone else? Edited by waskelton 2005-04-19 1:19 PM |
| 2005-04-19 12:59 PM in reply to: #144626 |
Got Wahoo? 5423 San Antonio | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. There were these two pebbles walking down the street. One tripped and fell. The other one said, "that's ok, it's Tuesday." |
| 2005-04-19 1:10 PM in reply to: #144626 |
Expert 1836 Lafayette, CO | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. Two sandwiches walk into a bar. The bartender says: "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here." |
| 2005-04-19 1:12 PM in reply to: #144626 |
Expert 1535 Coeur D'alene, ID | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. One Sunday the preacher asked the congregation how many of them had forgiven everyone who had ever wronged them. About half the congregation raised their hands. The preacher said that was nice, but folks should think about forgiveness a bit more since it is such a virtue. A bit later the preacher asked the same question and about 80% of the congregation raised their hands. Finally, he asked one more time and everyone raised their hand except old Mrs. Johnson. The preacher asks her "Mrs. Johnson, you don't have anyone to forgive for anything?" "Nope." Well, the preacher thought that was pretty remarkable for a 95 year old lady so he asked her to come to the front and explain how that was possible to the whole congregation. So, Mrs. Johnson totters up to the front, slowly turns to face the congregation, who are all eagerly waiting to hear how she's managed to forgive so completely, and she says, "I outlived the bitches!" |
| 2005-04-19 1:28 PM in reply to: #144628 |
Expert 1274 Jackson, Mississippi | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. Boudroeux and his son were in downtown New Orleans in the lobby of the Ritz Carlton.. They somehow made their way over to the pretty gold elevators and were standing around staring quizzically. (that is a word i bet) After a few minutes a lady walked up to the doors and pushed the button. She was an older lady and hadn't aged very well and it appered that gravity had taken its toll on her. Then the doors suddenly opened and she stepped on and the doors closed.. Boudroeux and his son stood there for a few moments with puzzled looks on their faces. All of a sudden the big golden doors opened and out stepped a tall, leggy, buxom, blonde, quite attractive lady. Boudroeux then quickly looked at his son and said... "Son, go get your mother!" |
| 2005-04-19 1:49 PM in reply to: #144626 |
Extreme Veteran 343 Centennial, CO | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his zipper. After a while, the bartender's curiosity gets the best of him: "Excuse me, sir, but do you realize that there's a steering wheel hanging out of you zipper?" To which the pirate replied, "Arrrr, I know! It's drivin' me nuts!" |
| 2005-04-19 1:56 PM in reply to: #144628 |
Expert 957 St. Louis, MO | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. tmwelshy - 2005-04-19 11:59 AM There were these two pebbles walking down the street. One tripped and fell. The other one said, "that's ok, it's Tuesday." Um...I don't get it.  |
| 2005-04-19 1:59 PM in reply to: #144626 |
| New user 27 Gilbert, Arizona | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. What do Tuba's use to brush their teeth? A Tube-A toothpaste! What did winnie the pooh say to his agent? Show me the Honey! Sorry, I have two young kids at home....these are the only jokes I know.... |
| 2005-04-19 2:02 PM in reply to: #144626 |
Elite 3088 Austin, TX Gold member | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. |
| 2005-04-19 2:03 PM in reply to: #144626 |
Expert 957 St. Louis, MO | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. Knock, Knock Whose there? I eat mop. I eat mop who? (Sounds like "I eat my poo") I obviously work with people that have young children. |
| 2005-04-19 2:06 PM in reply to: #144626 |
Expert 936 Westchester County NY | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. It was a man's 90th birthday. His son did not know what kind of gift to get for him, so he sent a hooker over to his home. When he opened the door the hooker said "I am here to offer you super sex." He replied "OK, I'll take the soup."
A man walks into a bar with a duffle bag under his arm. He sets it on the bar and unzips it. Out pops a one foot high man, who looks around the bar, sees a piano, runs to it and starts playing flawlessly. The bartender asks "How did you do that?" "I have a genie in a bottle." is the reply and the man pulls a bottle out of the duffle bag. "Can I try it?" asks the bartender. The man says OK. The bartender rubs the bottle and a genie pops up and says that he will grant the bartender one wish. The bartender says "I want a million bucks". POOF! Instantly the bar is filled with a million DUCKS. The bartender asks "Is your genie hard of hearing or something?" The man replies "Yeah, did you think that I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"
Edited by NYtrigal 2005-04-19 2:08 PM |
| 2005-04-19 2:09 PM in reply to: #144626 |
Champion 6786 Two seat rocket plane | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. So I was Standing in the grocery store line this morning and I saw one of those little publications they have there to distract you. It said…… “Could you be psychic??” I thought to my self ….”NO, of course not” Then I thought ………”Wait a minute…….how did I know that?” |
| 2005-04-19 2:14 PM in reply to: #144626 |
Wife, Mother, Friend. 2457 South | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. more corny kid jokes: Why didn't Moses do much fishing while out on the ark? ....he only had two worms. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? ....he had no guts! Say to someone "spell 'pig' backwards. Then say 'pretty colors' ". groannnn.......... |
| 2005-04-19 2:19 PM in reply to: #144626 |
Expert 1274 Jackson, Mississippi | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. What do you get when you cross the atlantic.. with the titanic...? Halfway (ducks the flying tomatos) Edited by waskelton 2005-04-19 2:21 PM |
| 2005-04-19 2:25 PM in reply to: #144679 |
| Master 1315 Shreveport, LA | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. Lucy - 2005-04-19 1:14 PM more corny kid jokes: Why didn't Moses do much fishing while out on the ark? ....he only had two worms. Not to be too nick picky, but it was Noah and Ark. Moses crossed the Red Sea. |
| 2005-04-19 2:26 PM in reply to: #144690 |
Expert 1274 Jackson, Mississippi | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. mnewton - 2005-04-19 1:25 PM Lucy - 2005-04-19 1:14 PM more corny kid jokes: Why didn't Moses do much fishing while out on the ark? ....he only had two worms. Not to be too nick picky, but it was Noah and Ark. Maybe thats the real reason he didn't do much fishing.. |
| 2005-04-19 2:32 PM in reply to: #144692 |
Wife, Mother, Friend. 2457 South | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. oh man, this head cold is clouding my thinking. Gee... which brings me to another joke... "how many animals did Moses take out on the ark?" None, it wasn't him. |
(folks have actually counted on this one....)| 2005-04-19 3:07 PM in reply to: #144626 |
Veteran 123 Jacksonville, FL | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. A blonde, a rabbi, and a talking dog walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?" |
| 2005-04-19 3:08 PM in reply to: #144626 |
Not a Coach 11473 Media, PA | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. The Forest Service has issued a BEAR WARNING in the national forests for this summer. They're urging everyone to protect themselves by wearing bells and carrying pepper spray. Campers should be alert for signs of fresh bear activity, and they should be able to tell the difference between Black Bear dung and Grizzy Bear dung. Black Bear dung is rather small and round. Sometimes you can see fruit seeds and/or squirrel fur in it. Grizzly Bear dung has bells in it, and smells like pepper spray! |
| 2005-04-19 3:09 PM in reply to: #144626 |
| New user 30 | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. The Mighty Red Shirt There was a captain of a ship and he was bravest captain ever to sail the seas. One day he was out sailing with his crew and ran into two pirate ships. The crew became frightened, but the captain just yelled "Bring me my Mighty Red Shirt." So the crew brought him his shirt and they went to battle against the two pirate ships and they defeated them. The crew could not believe how brave the captain was. The next day they were out sailing and ran into 3 pirate ships and once again the crew became extremely nervous and they all looked to the captain who yelled "Bring me my Mighty red shirt" The crew brought him his red shirt and they went to battle against the Pirate ships and defeated them easily. The crew was in shock, they asked the captain why do you call for your red shirt every time we go into battle. The captain explained that if he gets stabbed or cut the blood will not show on the shirt and so nobody will know he is hurt and will continue to fight. The crew was impressed. A couple days later they were out sailing again and this time they ran into 10 Pirate ships. The crew turned to the captain waiting for him to call for his "mighty red shirt." The crew all looked at the captain, but this time he had a different look on his face than before and he yelled out "bring me my brown pants" |
| 2005-04-19 3:31 PM in reply to: #144626 |
| Member 35 BC/NS | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. |
| 2005-04-19 3:31 PM in reply to: #144626 |
Veteran 247 Mesa, AZ | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. |
| 2005-04-19 3:41 PM in reply to: #144626 |
| New user 30 | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. What is green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? Pool Table |
| 2005-04-19 3:49 PM in reply to: #144626 |
Champion 6285 Beautiful Sonoma County | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. |
| 2005-04-19 4:11 PM in reply to: #144626 |
Veteran 166 Denver, CO | Subject: RE: Joke Thread.. So a toothless termite walks into a bar and asks, "is the bar tender here?" still thinking?- think "toothless" and "bar" Ok, I know, no one gets it. Termites eat wood. This termite has no teeth. He wants to know if the bar is "tender" (so he can chew on it). Yeah, I know it's stupid. NEXT JOKE: what do you get when you play country music backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back, your truck back....... |
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