General Discussion Triathlon Talk » Please help me deal with this anger Rss Feed  
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2009-06-20 8:42 AM

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Subject: Please help me deal with this anger
Ok, so well over a year ago a half full gatorade bottle was thrown at me from a truck going at least 50 mph, hitting me in the hip.  I was knocked over and had a large bruise.  I still have pain in this area, especially when I train hard (I am currently training for IM KY).  At the time of the incident I filed a police report, called the press....."there really is nothing we can do" is the answer I got.  I just deal with the pain and take motrin as needed.  I'm not going to let that stop me, or alter when and where I ride/train.
Yesterday my 13 year old son who is now getting into biking was ran off the road, hit by a car mirror.  He flew over the handlebars, injuring his should, torso and leg.  Fortunately no broken bones and he is doing fine.  He could not ID the driver as he was thrown into the bushes.
What the F*** is up with these people on the road?????  I am so pissed, scared, and sad all at the same time!!!!!


2009-06-20 8:53 AM
in reply to: #2230528

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Master
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Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger

Jimmy,
I'm sorry that these things have happened to you and your family. Drivers like that do not deserve to have licenses or be on the road. Unfortunately, jerk motorists are an issue cyclists have to deal with. I don't know what to say to you to help you loose your anger. I think the best thing you can do for your son is to encourage him to keep riding his bike. You might also look into a biking class for the both of you. One where the instructors teach handling skills (I'm not saying you need work on your handling skills, or that these incidents were in anyway your or your son's fault.). Taking the class together would be a great father/son bonding experience and help give you son the confidence to ride safely with traffic.
Good luck Jimmy, and keep riding.

2009-06-20 10:30 AM
in reply to: #2230528

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Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger
Glad your son (and you) are ok. Unfortunately there are plenty of angry drivers out there let alone drivers specifically angry at bicyclists. I have seen too many bikers hog the road, be disrepectful, not stop at lights/stop signs and then wonder why we are all treated the way we are.

I am NOT saying you, your son (and probably nobody from BT) caused this, we just get the effect. I second the bike safety class.
2009-06-20 10:39 AM
in reply to: #2230528

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Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger

I know this is easier said than done, but being angry does you and your son no good. It only adds to the fear and anxiety of the situation. What can you do about immature motorists? I'm not sure there is much you can do. I think the best thing is to put yourself in a position to limit the chances of this happening again. I'm not sure where you live, but perhaps you can ride on less traveled roads or ride at times when there is little or no traffic. Perhaps there are roads where you live that have bike lanes or wide shoulders. I went through the same situation when my wife was learning to ride. We had to take some time and plan our routes carefully. We even went so far as to drive around and scout out routes.

It makes me angry also when I hear about stories like this, but with insensitive lawmakers and law enforcement (in Texas anyway) in regards to cyclists, the best thing you can do is to ride defensively.

Good luck.

2009-06-20 11:28 AM
in reply to: #2230528

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Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger
You might try to redirect some of that passion towards improving the situation. I'm not much of an activist or crusader but when the local city hall has one of their occasional city planning open-house events, I try to show up and mention biking to one of the engineers or put it into a suggestion box. Just something to bring up bike lanes or access, bike safety, driver education, share-the-road signs, or whatever. Maybe I'm just noticing it more, but there seems to be more mention and awareness of the issues lately. You could go further with letters to the newspaper editors, etc., but the point is to find some way to have a positive effect.
2009-06-20 1:38 PM
in reply to: #2230528

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Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger
Your location is blank so I don't know where you are or what kind of roads your riding. If these happened on the same road, maybe there are more bike friendly roads out there.



2009-06-20 2:14 PM
in reply to: #2230528

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Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger
When I get angry at someone for something that they are clearly in the wrong for....I pray for them. Yup, I said it...pray for THEM! The ideal thing is they will change. At the very least though...it may not change them but it will change YOU. If you're not down with the prayer...maybe just start thinking nice thoughts and hope they see the error of their ways. That whole positive energy out positive energy back thing. Sounds silly, but it works for me everytime
2009-06-20 3:06 PM
in reply to: #2230528

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Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger

This might sound backasswards but, as long as you remain angry, the idiot drivers are winning.  Let it go and be thankful that you and your son did not suffer serious injury or death. 

Be careful man! 

Good luck and have fun in Louisville!

~Mike 

 

2009-06-20 3:19 PM
in reply to: #2230528

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Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger

That is disgusting behavior. I'm glad that you son is going to be alright.

I would echo what others have said about channeling your anger to City Hall. You can work on getting protection legislation in your state for cyclists. Colorado just passed the Bike Safety Bill, which (among many other benefits to cyclists) makes throwing anything out off a car at a biker a class 2 misdemeanor and well as making aggressive driving that endangers cyclists a class 2 misdemeanor. http://bicyclecolo.org/page.cfm?PageID=988

I would start calling your local reps. Use CO as an example and tell them what is important to you!

2009-06-20 3:58 PM
in reply to: #2230528

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Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger

That stinks.  I hope your son is okay.  Pretty scary stuff. 

I like the suggestions for you and he to do a class together.  Again, not that you need the class but it would be good fo him to learn skills and have you supporting him through it.

I do ride some roads that more experienced riders avoid and have had a few close calls with traffic, but nothing like what you and your son have encountered.

2009-06-20 4:27 PM
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Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger
Well, you are both alive to have anger to deal with. We have a billboard, that was put up by the widow of a man who was killed on his bike, pleading with drivers to watch out for bikes. We also have a lot of 'share the road' signs, don't know if they work. Nothing you can do about the idiots that target us. I don't think that getting caught and going to jail really bothers them. The good thing is that probably 99.9% of the drivers out there don't want to hit us. The key is making sure we are visible, and riding with the idea that we may not be seen. A few of the points I follow:

1) Where visible clothing - like fluorescent yellow
2) Use a mirror, it allows you to see what's coming up behind you.
3) Avoid traffic, it's a numbers game, the more distractions around drivers the better the chance they'll not see you.
4) Assume the driver doesn't see you.
5) Be predictable, and don't assume that the driver will understand a hand signal.
6) When coming to an intersection, or wanting to turn in front of a stopped car. It's ok to stop, make eye contact with the driver, then proceed.
7) Don't ride a night without plenty of lights, and watch out when riding in the evenings if you are riding into sun glare, the driver behind you has sun glare in his/her eyes, has the visor down, and is squinting at the road while talking on the cell phone.


2009-06-20 4:46 PM
in reply to: #2230936

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Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger

I totally agree with the above post...  always assume when riding that drivers don't see you because in a lot of cases they don't.  With  people driving cars talking and texting on cell phones they can easily come upon a cyclist and not even see them... remember our goal on our bikes is to be 'small' and aero... the smaller we are the more invisible we are.

Ride as if you are invisible.. that means you always ride defensively in traffic. 

The bike safety course is a good idea to learn what to do if, as in your son's case, you are intentionally targeted by a driver and run off the road (not saying it was intentional, the driver may have been distracted and actually didn't see him).  Glad your son is relatively OK.  I'd also try to find some bike trails or other safer places to ride.

2009-06-20 5:07 PM
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Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger
Could your son id the car again?  If so, why not go out to the same area around the same time of day, and see if the son of a bi*tch  driver comes by again.  If so, get the license plate number and call the cops.  I wouldn't suggest flagging down the guy and beating the ever living sh*t out of him......but if your a big guy, its a thought!

Its one thing to mess with me, and another to mess with my family!
2009-06-20 6:13 PM
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Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger
All very good suggestions.  I like the idea of a class as even though I think I'm safe (have ridden 3500 mi last year and near 2500 thus far this year), my son and I certainly certainly could benefit, and he and I doing it together would be important.  I thought I was pretty much over with the attack on me, but the feelings all came back when I saw my son injured.  I work as a physician and spend 60-80 hours a week helping others.  I've seen many biking accident victims.  I just can't understand why someone would intentionally hurt another yet I see it every day on the job.  I also take care of perpetrators of crime as well.  It's not my job to judge at work.  I just do the best I can with everyone and anyone no matter what. 
     I know I should try to let go of this anger in a positive way.  It's amazing how fast it came back.  I am going to start next week with even more rides with my son, and continue to openly talk about the experience with him.
As always, I appreciate everyone on this website.  You are the best!!!  Jim
2009-06-20 6:33 PM
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Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger
While it won't stop these incidents from happening you might buy a helmet cam.  REI has one for right at $100.  With the vehicles moving so fast it is hard to get a license plate and downright impossible when you're tumbling on the side of the road.  A camera could possibly catch the plate of the driver and give the police evidence to issue a citation for leaving the scene or press charges for throwing bottles at you.  Knowing that you can help the police like this may be a way to empower you rather than just get angry due to a sense of helplessness.

Also your son would have fun with a camera recording his adventures.Cool
2009-06-20 6:45 PM
in reply to: #2230528


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Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger
Wow, I'm so sorry that happened. Esp the part with your son, that would really upset me. I have no advice except to say that this is why I am afraid of riding on roads and I'm lucky enough to have enough trails in my area to keep me busy.


2009-06-20 7:00 PM
in reply to: #2230528

Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger
Sorry to hear about  you boy  Me being a northern person I say hunt them down and beat the crap out of them.  If they hit him and stopped, that's a accident.  Hit him and keep going, beating time.  JMHO
2009-06-21 3:35 AM
in reply to: #2230528

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Subject: RE: Please help me deal with this anger

Its perfectly normal to want to slowly torture and then kill anyone who hurts your kids. It will wear off over time.

Best thing to do is forget it and get back on the bike and be thankful its not serious and make sure your son knows it wasnt personal it was an accident. The person may not have realised they did it - coulda been a granny with bad eyesight swerving to avoid a cataract induced blockage on the road - or a distracted mum reaching back for the kids - it probably wasnt malignant, there are extremely few people in the world who would deliberately wack someone with a wing mirror let alone have the skill to drive precisely so that the win mirror hit you and nothing else. 

Put it down to accident, an experience , and walk away. 

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